Random 10

Sorry I've been so quiet, friends. Betwixt the new job and preparing for the holiday, I've nary a spare moment. These are the songs queued in iTunes at the moment:

Keep On Singin' My Song - Christina Aguilera
My Mind (Mindless Mix) - Ace of Base
Shoo-Fly Pie and Apple Pan Dowdy - June Christy
King of Swing - Big Bad Voodoo Daddy
Backwoods - Red Hot Chili Peppers
This Time of Year - Better Than Ezra
Shake a Leg - AC/DC
Brass in Pocket - Pretenders
Dracula's Wedding - Outkast
99 Luftballons - Nena

I hope to be more interesting soon. Post your random 10 at American Idle, or you'll have to spend all weekend at the mall caroling to frantic shoppers with a sign over your head that says "You're all a Bunch of Superficial Greedy Bastards."

Word of the day

Slackadaisical

Pronunciation: "sla-k&-'dA-zi-k&l
Function: adjective
Etymology: irregular from slack + lackaday + -ical

:lacking life, spirit, or zest when others think you are really being productive

The spousal unit is feeling slackadaisical. He's "telecommuting" while sitting on our couch watching Rome.

Miscellaneous

I have a whole weekend of blogslacking to make up for!

Friday evening we hosted an engagement party for some friends. THey are young, sweet, and adorably in love. We played in a home version of the Newlywed Game with them. You'd think that since we've been married for just over 5 years that we would have won, right? Wrong! We came in second - behind the engaged couple. I will say based pm his answers to the game that the guy seems a little, er, anally obsessed. Sometimes you learn a bit more about people that you ever hoped for.

Saturday night we saw the touring production of Sweet Charity, starring Molly Ringwald. Though I would have preferred to see the Broadway version with Christina Applegate, this was nice for a local show. I can't say that either Molly's dancing or singing abilities were phenomenal, but they were, as Lindsay Lohan says, adequite. My musical thirst has been quenched for the time being. And the spousal unit didn't even fall asleep.

Check out this video of Pauly Shore getting knocked out at a comedy club in Odessa, Texas. Real classy crowd they've got there. I'm certainly no huge Pauly fan (loved seeing him getting tossed out of the Playboy Mansion on Entourage), but jeez. Who feels like a big man because they can knock out this little twerp? That's west Texas for you. This got me thinking - is there a new class of bigots out there after the recent incidents with Michael Richards and Andy Dick? What should we call them - anti-comicites?

Random 10

Today I get the pleasure of copying my Random 10 from iTunes Party Shuffle playing through my desktop speakers. Just another reason why working from home is da bomb.

Fergie really shouldn't rap. I curse this first song for being the precursor to that lousy album she released on her own. Post yours here along with Cat, James, Chelene, and the rest of the gang, or this week it's Fergie rapping that I'll force you to listen to on repeat.

My Humps - Black Eyed Peas
Yesterdays - Guns N' Roses
Seed - Sublime
Bill Bailey, Won't You Please Come Home - Patsy Cline
Man Research (Clapper) - Gorillaz
Kickstand - Soundgarden
Praise You - Fat Boy Slim
Killer Queen - Queen
Dr. Lee, PhD - Beastie Boys
Dance of the Sugarplum Fairies - Tchaikovsky

I am the queen

I'm wrapping up my first day at the new job. People have been very welcoming and accomodating today. One person in particular seems to be going to lengths to help me get started so far, which is great because this guy seems to be a total rockstar.

And did I mention that I'm wearing cozy sweats and slipper socks that slowly release aloe onto my feet (it sounded so ludicrous I just had to buy some to give it a go, and they are super soft), have my dogs snoring at my feet, and have been able to check in to TMZ whenever I flippin feel like it? It's awesome.

On the down side, with the exception of the house cleaner making his biweekly visit, all my contact today was virtual. I did not speak to or see a single person. Of course, at my last job there seemed to be far too many days when the same thing happened, but in a building full of people. That's much more depressing than being at home.

An open letter to Ms. Paltrow

Gwynnie,

I don't care if you were bashing America or not. Given your propensity for it in your past as well as your hubby's constant spouting off about free trade while you push your ridiculously named children around in $5000 strollers, I wouldn't be suprised if you really did say what the Portuguese paper said you did. But...when Steven Spielberg is your godfather, you don't get to bitch about how Americans live to work. Not your problem, sweetie.

Read more about it (and see more of Britney Spears continuing to make an ass, errr, beaver, err....insert stupid animal name here of herself) at my latest favorite site, The Superficial.

This weeks Random 10

I really need to listen to Beck more often. The guy's a musical genius. And nothing like a Grinch tune to get you in the Christmas spirit!

The Gypsy Baron RV 511 - Einzugsmarsch: Strauss
You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch: Thurl Ravenscroft (had to look that up)
Under the Sun: Sugar Ray
Switch Opens: Soundgarden
I Love You: Sarah McLachlan
Evaporated: Ben Folds Five
New Realization: Sublime
High 5 (Rock the Catskills): Beck
Tired: Everlast
Store Bought Bones: The Raconteurs

Post yours along with the usual suspects here.

I'm off to Boston for the weekend for a whirlwind company meeting and holiday party for the new job. I don't even start until next Wednesday, but apparently it won't be a shindig unless my [sarcasm]illustrious, high-fallutin' ass[/sarcasm] is present. Have a good weekend everyone!

Word of the day

In case you didn't gather from the name of my blog (derived from the glorious "kerfuffle" in describing my two pooches), I like to make up words.

This morning on my way to work I came up with a real gem. While driving through an intersection on a busy road, I noticed what appeared at first glance to be a school bus that had broken down on the side of the road. But further examination revealed that it had gotten halfway around the corner to be held up by not only a stopped school bus in front of it headed in the same direction, but by another going the opposite direction that was boarding children. This seemed odd, as there was not a school in sight. And to top it all off, just past the intersection a city bus was also stopped to allow members of its herd to disembark.

It was a perfect busterfuck.

So I started gnawing on the classification of busterfucks. The most common type, I suspect, would be a homobusenous busterfuck. This would be where the buses all serve the same purpose and population, such as a school bus or a touring coach. I felt truly lucky then, to have sighted a multibustural busterfuck.

One doesn't often have the opportunity to observe busterfucks. I haven't ridden any sort of bus regularly since middle school, but even back then they seemed to move through the school parking lot in a mostly orderly and systematic fashion.

I suspect that Chelene could possibly see a busterfuck should she choose to venture over to the Port Authority bus terminal, as scary a place as any I've ever been. More concerning than the buses, though would be the patrons (and I use this term very loosely) of the bus terminal.

Chinese dogbloggin'

So it appears that in China dogs are becoming more than just coat trim or a late night snack for the masses. Due to rising wages, pet dog ownership is up. In Beijing this has resulted in a rabies problem due to the expense and hassle of keeping your pooch vaccinated. So how do officials decide to combat the problem? By imposing a limit of one small dog per household. Now, the one dog part I truly understand, especially in the second largest city in a country where you are penalized for having more than one child. I fail to perceive, however, why a small dog is less likely to have rabies than a larger dog. There has been one forced cull in the city this year. I think that the true logic behind the size limitation may be to make any future culls easier to implement should they become necessary.

Me no likey.

Kick off your Sunday shoes

So I think the kerpupples must have sat near me through one too many times of watching Footloose. Why in the world would I ever think this? Well, they don't like it when I dance. Ripley especially barks furiously at me anytime I spontaneously trip the light fantastic around the house. It's pretty entertaining, if a bit unsettling. Usually it will just encourage me to wiggle more enthusiastically and sing, to the tune of Safety Dance by that luminous one-hit-wonder Men Without Hats:

"I can dance if I want to, I can make my doggy bark..."

That's all I've come up with so far. If I were more clever and/or less lazy I'd complete the lyrics. Perhaps I'll put it on my to-do list.

The mother-in-law unit arrives tonight for Thanksgiving tomorrow. She will be the only one joining the spousal unit and me - a cozy little family gathering. I'm lucky that we get along so well. Most of the time I think she and I find more things to talk about than she and the spousal unit, her own son.

I got it

My extra week of vacation was agreed to. As soon as I have an offer letter in my grubby little hands, I can give notice. No more ending up on the HR watchlist because I google "Iraq death sentence" (the watchlist thing is purely theoretical, but those Google results are indeed blocked within our network, along with anything containing "gun", "ass" (which I just now tested out of curiosity), youtube, MySpace, TMZ.com, and multitudes of other interesting but nonproductive Internet uses).

Zippity do-dah!!!

Random 10 - best yet

This is my favorite random 10 I've posted so far. It wrapped with songs from 3 of my personal favorite CDs - Franz Ferdinand, White Blood Cells, and Fever In Fever Out. Add in a few more fab artists and some booty shakin' (which I am always down with), and you've got a sweet way to kick off Friday morning.

Here's the list:

Love Song for No One - John Mayer
Cherish the Day - Sade
Gimme the Car - Violent Femmes
Heart Attack Man - Beastie Boys
(Shake Shake Shake) Shake Your Booty - KC & the Sunshine Band
Hobbit on the Rocks - Toad the Wet Sprocket
Ruby Sees All - Cake
Michael - Franz Ferdinand
Why Do I Lie? - Luscious Jackson
I Think I Smell a Rat - White Stripes

Maybe the good list is an omen. I have a verbal job offer which I'm really excited about. The only details left to hash out are vacation (they offer 2 weeks to start, I want more). The position involves some travel, up to 30% with the possibility of some international. The remaining work would be done out of my home office. So I won't be behind this fascist firewall anymore and can actually look at the youtube videos when my fellow bloggers post them. Wish me luck!!!

Oh, and join Chelene, justacoolcat, James, and many other fun folks and post your Random 10 at American Idle. Do it, or I will come hold you down and force you listen to the best of Richard Marx on repeat!!!

Snap!!!!

I stole this shamelessly from the MSN gossip section:

Justin Timberlake is maintaining his perspective -- and crankypants demeanor with the paparazzi -- when it comes to Britney Spears' decision to hand Kevin Federline his walking papers. In video obtained by TMZ.com, the "Sexyback" crooner responds thusly when asked by a shutterbug this weekend in L.A. if he has any comment on his ex's marital meltdown: "Yeah, there's a war going on in Iraq."

Heh. He just keeps on dissing Brit, and I can't get enough!!!

Dogbloggin'

These are the kerpupples in the bathroom. They like the feel of the cool tile so this is a popular spot. Don't ask me why Roscoe chooses to wedge himself behind the toilet though. I'm suprised I captured this one - he usually slinks away if I approach him with a camera while he's lying in this compromised postion.

OJ, Rupert Murdoch, and Dan Abrams die...

and meet St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. He sends them straight to hell.

Have you heard this one? Well, it's not a joke. As if he couldn't get any more repulsive, OJ is starring in a new special on Fox News called "If I Did It", based on a book he just published. Apparently it details how he would have committed the murders of Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman - if he had committed the crime. If. Because, you see, he wasn't guilty. And I'm Cameron fucking Diaz. Even if that is, ahem, true, how disgusting and mind-blowingly insensitive is it to capitalize off this shit? I saw a quote from Goldman's dad on this that said he couldn't comment on it because he'd have to use profanity. I'm cleary not so restrained.

And where does Dan Abrams fit in? He was commenting about the situation on the Today show this morning, speaking of OJ's behavior in his typically chipper-yet-derisive manner. And at the end of the interview, he dropped the little nugget that he had a blurb published on OJ's book jacket. Yeah Dan - there's a nice toasty inferno in hell reserved for hypocritical publicity diggers like you.

Wicked queen update

I'm not feeling bad anymore about the woman who got fired on the same day I was having some work issues with her. This twit is incompetent as all get-out. She started the same day I did, and has been here about a year and 3 months. I found out from a mutual friend that she got 3 months severance pay.

I've been looking for a new job. I think I need to figure out how to get laid off right when I find something new I'm interested in. Suggestions, anyone?

Chad

Apparently the Dharfur genocide is spilling over the Sudan's borders into Chad. Why aren't we paying more attention to this? It really chaps my hide.

When I have more time I'll go into the stories the mother-in-law unit told us last night about her recent visit to South Africa (she grew up in Zambia and most of her family is now in SA). They left a pretty bad taste in my mouth.

Heh

I was at the bookstore yesterday, and saw a New Yorker cartoon that made me chuckle. I found it online but the greedy bastards at The New Yorker won't let you link to their images. Shame - it might help sell some mags, wouldn't ya think? Anyway, the image is of 2 dogs sitting facing each other, and the caption goes:

“I had my own blog for a while, but I decided to go back to just pointless, incessant barking.” by Alex Gregory

That's really all it is if we don't try to hear each other, isn't it?

It also reminded me that I need to make a post towards one of my original intents of this blog: dogbloggin'. I need to rant some more about my dear pooches.

Random 10

So I cheated and did this yesterday afternoon - I knew I'd be busy at a job interview this morning - more on this later.

I have a couple of comments on this round:

• I like Will Smith and Kelly Clarkson. I will make no apologies for this.
• 2 songs about mom - is this a hint? I called her recently, I promise! :) I truly love the Garnett Silk song - really need to pick up more of his music. Such a shame he's gone.

Chelene - I've got you beat - I got NIN and Prince this week!

5th Symphony - Beethoven
Sour Girl - STP
Star 69 - Fat Boy Slim
Momma Knows - Will Smith
Gotta Stop (Messin Around) - Prince
I Hate Myself for Losing You - Kelly Clarkson
Carrion - Fiona Apple
That's What I Get - Nine Inch Nails
Mama - Garnett Silk
Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy - Queen

Don't be a wuss - post your own! Check out American Idle, justacoolcat, Chelene, and James' lists for more musical goodness.

You've got a shot again, boys!

So Britney Spears filed for divorce from K-Fed today. Redneck teen lads across the country are salivating with desire, no doubt. I just have to ask you though, Brit - what finally pushed you over the edge? Was it his continually overspending his allowance? His intolerance for the pavarotti? Inquiring minds want to know.

Hearing this news reminded me of a passage that I just read in Brick Lane that made me chuckle. It's an excerpt from a letter from a destitute Muslim woman in Bangladesh to her sister in London:

You have seen this Britainy Spear? That more less how Lovely look. Rickshaw workshop make more carriage paint with this singer picture. It too suprising to me sometime how much like Bangla girl she look have long black hair and black eye.

Ha. Clearly they don't watch the VMAs in Dhaka.

How dare they

I'm one of those slightly demented animal lovers who doesn't blink an eye when a person dies in a movie, but if an animal even gets injured, I can't turn off the waterworks to save my life. Which is why this story about dead orangutans in Indonesia enrages me to no end. People killed the poor creatures as they were fleeing? Why? So they wouldn't eat their likely-to-be-destroyed-anyway crops? Acts that show such an utter lack of compassion never cease to amaze and horrify me.

On the bright side, my company was looking to purchase a paper production company in Indonesia earlier this year to help combat spiraling paper costs, but backed out of it. This is the most environmentally friendly place I've ever worked at, so I'd like to think that this as well as the slash-and-burn farming tactics used there contributed to that decision. Purse strings are overwhelmingly tight here at the moment, but I'm all for it if it helps combat such travesties.

Another blogging barrier busted

I must really be starting to matter in the blogosphere. I just received my first not-so-positive reference on someone else's blog as a result of this exchange (Prophet, I'd really love to hear you weigh in on this subject). People are going to start beating down my virtual door any minute, I just know it. Watch out Paris Hilton, you ain't got nothing on this publicity hound!

Suprise level? 0%

I found this quiz thanks to my friend the prophet. I had an idea what the results would be even before I saw the questions.

You Are Most Like Bill Clinton

No doubt, your legacy may be a little seedier than you'd like. But even though you've done some questionable things, you're still loved by almost all.

What Modern US President Are You Most Like?

Friday's random 10

I'm still reeling from the wacky day I had yesterday, so I don't have much clever to say about this week's random 10. Pretty clear that I like NIN and the Beastie Boys though, ain't it? And Alice in Chains appears to be subbing for PJ this week - I guess Vedder's hung over. Post yours too at American Idle, or be square (hey, I'm nice - a far worse fate awaits you if you visit justacoolcat and avoid the random 10)!

Real Thing - Alice in Chains
Root Down (Pp Balloon Mix) - Beastie Boys
Feelin' the Same Way - Norah Jones
Video Killed the Radio Star - The Buggles
Start Again - Death Cab for Cutie
Heavenly Action - Erasure
Warsaw - Joy Division
American Music - Violent Femmes
Even Deeper - Nine Inch Nails
As Heaven is Wide - Garbage

My alter-ego - the Wicked Queen

I found out at the end of the day that some interactions I had with a colleague helped contribute to her being fired today. Nothing specific about today, I don't think, but it was just the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. This chick was a twit with a capital T, and it's going to be much easier to get my job done without her. Wish things could have worked out without her getting canned, though.

Snow Harlot

How dare she? A lovely, innocent child's story, transformed into a lewd Halloween getup. The travesty!!!

Nah....actually I liked the hottie costume. Usually I go for funny. This was a fun change.

There was a guy at the wedding in Vegas who saw this picture on my camera and kept coming up to me and asking if he could show it to other wedding guests. Tee hee.

Vegas, baby

Hey kids. Sorry for not announcing - I went on hiatus because I attended a hipster Halloween wedding in Vegas. The spousal unit was the best man. I'll definitely post pics - you don't see this sort of wedding every day.

The happy time warp got Jacked

Below is my Random 10 for the day. Check out more at American Idle.

I had somewhat of a theme going on. Retro, cheery, airy stuff. Yes, I am calling classical and opera retro, thankyouverymuch. Even the NIN that came on was circus-y and happy sounding, no small feat for Mr. Reznor. But then Jack Johnson came in and tried to spoil the mood. Thankfully, some disco and Depeche Mode wrapped to save the day.

1. Best Disco in Town - The Ritchie Family
2. La Bamba - Los Lobos
3. The Swan Lake Suite - Tchaikovsky by Bavarian Radio Symphony
4. Just a Test - The Beastie Boys
5. Pilgrimage - Nine Inch Nails
6. Nessun Dorma - Tito Beltran
7. Uptown - Prince
8. Posters - Jack Johnson
9. I Love the Nightlife - Alicia Bridges
10.Just Can't Get Enough - Depeche Mode

Bully

Does anyone else besides me ever wonder if Rush Limbaugh used to taunt the misfits when he was a child? Just asking.

Pesky feets

Today I've come to a depressing conlusion. I can no longer wear cheap shoes.

In my mere 33 years, I have already been plagued with plantar warts (not since college, thank heavens) flat feet (though frankly my arches seem to have become slightly more pronounced over the years), occasional bouts of plantar fasciitis, and most recently, growing bunions. The fasciitis first occured about 4 years ago, and since then I've purchased my athletic and specifically running shoes very carefully.

Lately the bunions have been nattering at me. At a towering 5'10", I didn't have the confidence to wear heels much until about 5 years ago. I think the combination of higher heels, flat feet, and genetics have caused the bunions to grow, especially on my right foot. I knew I should pay more attention to it when they even started hurting while I was exercising in my expensive sneakers. I'd almost come to the conclusion that I may have to give up heels nearly altogether, but today I'm wearing some very well-made high-heeled boots that I picked up at a steal from the Nordstrom Half-Yearly sale, and the feets are fine. Given, I've also been massaging the bony masses and doing toe exercises, but I think the nicer shoes do help.


So while there will always be exceptions made for shoes like flip-flops, I think I'm going to need to stick to well-made shoes like those recommended by the Manolo from now on if I don't want my feets to end up looking like these. Sniff.

Casabloggin'

I was ambling around the house the other day and felt an urge to capture all the colors the spousal unit and I have painted our house recently. So...sit back and enjoy the splash of color that follows. First, the master bedroom. Like the curtains we use to separate the master bath?

Next, the guest bathroom. I LOOOOVE pink. Unfortunately since I don't have any kids, I can't paint a daughter's room rosy. Enter the guest bathroom. I picked out the colors to match the knobs on the cabinets. The colors provide a lovely environment in which to apply your makeup, and I think the green rugs give a nice botanic feel.


Next we move into the guest bedroom. This is definitely a love-it or hate-it color. A friend who saw the room for the first time on Saturday deemed it hideous. The original color was too bright for even my taste, which is how it ended up with the cloudy faux finish. I'm pleased with the end result, and think it will make a lovely bedroom color for a baby boy or a girl. The painting on the right is precious as it was painted by my mother when she was in high school. The girl's got talent!

Finally, we go downstairs and see four colors at once. On the left we have the chestnut color I used to sponge off of the dijon in our art niches. Centered in the frame is our powder room. I chose this color, named Fresh Olive, as a neutral that would set off all our tchatchkes the spousal unit and I have acquired on our travels that provide the decorative theme for the room (the painting peeking out into the door frame is from Jamaica). On the right we see my home office. This color choice was inspired by a pumpkin-colored home I used to drive by on my commute as well as by my reading that orange stirs creativity. I remember how depressed I was when I took my current job where I sit in a cubicle instead of being able to work from this lovely room. And framing these three colors is the dijon that covers all the common areas of the house.

Random 10

Entertaining the in-laws, so more on this later. Anybody who can name the real Shoo Fly Pie artist wins a prize.

1. Jacqueline - Franz Ferdinand
2. Mudkicker - Skid Row
3. Black & White - Sarah McLachlan
4. Original of the Species - U2
5. Natural Blues - Moby
6. Shoo Fly Pie and Apple Pan Dowdy - Various Artists?
7. To Your Love - Audioslave
8. Best of My Love - The Eagles
9. W.M.A. - Pearl Jam
10. Burning Up - Kylie Minogue

Bad news bears

Thought I'd post a group pic of the softball team taken last week. Tonight is our last game of the season. Betcha can't guess which troublemaker is me? :)

Also kicking off a long weekend with the in-laws tonight. The spousal unit's sister and her kids are probably not going to make it - his nephew got attacked by the neighbor's dog right before they were to leave so they had to take him to the hospital instead of catching their flight. That bums us both out - they are great kids.

Pummeled off the deep end

We've all known for some time that Mike Tyson ain't quite all there. Rape charges. Bitten ears. Maori tattoos. But now he's taken it one further. Seems like ole Mikey has had enough of batting women around in his personal life, and wants to do it inside the ropes instead. Good look finding a willing opponent, Mike.

I had a quiet weekend as the spousal unit jetted off to a bachelor party in Philadelphia. Had I known I would be treated with lovely stories of bare asses being rubbed on his crotch upon his return, I might have been a little more supervisory regarding the details of the evening. On the homefront things were much more tame. Saturday I touched up spots from our grand whole-house painting extravaganza over the summer (need to post pics), and that evening I went to a corn maze and haunted house with some friends. It was a great haunted house - I think we're going to take the spousal unit's nephew who will be in town this weekend.

Random 10 - 90s mainstream

I realize in looking at the other Random 10 lists that Corey at American Idle has posted that my taste in music is pathetically mainstream. Here's my list, set primarily in the 90s:

1. Same in the End - Sublime
2. Fumbling Towards Ecstasy - Sarah McLachlan
3. So What'cha Want - Beastie Boys
4. Three Marlenas - Wallflowers from Peak Tracks Live
5. Start Again - Death Cab for Cutie
6. Come to My Window - Melissa Etheridge
7. Kinda I Want To - Nine Inch Nails
8. Any Way You Want It - Journey
9. I Belong to You - Lenny Kravitz
10.Jeremy - Pearl Jam

Working my way back to food, yeah...

With a burning love inside! Thank you, Frankie Valli. 13 pounds!!!!

Last night before softball I had a blueberry smoothie and a banana for dinner. That worked out great, wasn't shaky or weak at all for the game, which we still lost. Afterwards we went to the bar, where I pushed it and had not one but two vodka tonics as well as munching on a few fries. At home I had a carrot before bed but I awoke with a nasty tummyache. I knew I should have held off until next week on the booze.

Two of our teammates are single, one of them recently so. Over the past couple of weeks they've been suspected to be hooking up but have been fairly clandestine about it. Last night at the bar they didn't give any overt verbal confirmation, but it was obvious by their body language and bits of their conversation that it was happening. In my weakened state that left me far more vulnerable than normal to both the relaxation of inhibitions and desire to make mischief, I decided I needed to out them. After silently scheming for a few moments, I went into action. They were both stressed and complaining about the errors they'd made during the game. So I said, "Hey you two - you just need to do what we do when we make a mistake during the game...I think you two can back me up here", gesturing to the other couple at the table who were also highly suspicious of secret nookie. "You just blame it on the fact that you got nervous because you're nailing one of your teammates."

They both turned a brighter shade of red than I've seen since I ate a tomato picked from the plant that James gave me. I think the guy screwed up on his reaction though. He denied it...for a bit too long. I might have been a bit offended if I were his....girlfriend? Friend with benefits? Fuck buddy? Who knows what to call it these days.

Real food...sorta

Today I'm eating again! My breakfast - a tomato and a slice of watermelon. I have to gradually go back to normal foods so I don't shock my poor digestive system. So this was not juice - but just barely. I'm doing a company lunch at On the Border and am a little nervous about what they'll have that I can consume at this point. I think a pile of nachos might make my tummy do the lambada.

I have an interview with a former boss next Monday. I've been ambivalent about working for this company based on a few issues I've had with some of their philosophies, but some friends have been working there for awhile and seem to really like it. Not to mention that this place got listed by Inc magazine as the 87th fastest growing business in the country. Wish me luck!

Feelin' blue

Bad night last night. Sitting here working, listening to Death Cab for Cutie.

Any other suggestions for blue music are much appreciated.

On the bright side - today I'm down 12 pounds. My 7 for all Mankind jeans fit me again!

I could win!

Still doing great in the office football pool this week. KC didn't let me down yesterday after all, so I'm on a perfect track record at the moment. Others are too, so here's how it breaks down. I win some money this week if Baltimore wins and the total score is between 25 and 36. If Denver wins, the score has to be between 26 and 29. Wish me luck!

I tried to work a tiny bit of coffee in today. Mixed about 1/4 regular and 3/4 decaf, added sugar but no cream. Tummy no likey. Over the weekend I did have a teeny bit of diet Coke with no trouble, so it must be something specific to the coffee that's not necessarily caffeine related.

It's supposed to snow tonight. Sigh. Our autumn is so brief here.

Imagine...

You're a female. It's that time of the month. You're bloated and cramping like you're going into labor. The lovely pharmaceuticals that make this day so much more bearable are off limits to you, as are the comfort foods that help you forget about the pain. You have to just muscle through it.

That was me yesterday. My poor spousal unit.

I've decided that this fast is going to last 10 days instead of 14. I've woken up hungry yesterday and today, and though that always passes, I want to chew on something, dammit. I'm down 10 pounds. I'm hoping that after 10 days and the few where I have to work back up to normal foods, it will be more like 15. That'll be fantabulous.

Having a banner day in my office football poll. Only KC seems to be letting me down so far.

I think now I'll go take the kerpupples for a walk by the lake. I have to spell out w-a-l-k if I mention it earlier in the day or they go insane and won't stop bugging me until I actually take them.

Bad dogs, bad juice, and the random 10

The two kerpupples are BAD. For years I have had to be sure to bury my underwear in the hamper so that they wouldn't become a doggy snack. Well, they've branched out. The spousal unit is not so careful about storing his dirty boxers, and the dogs have found a new taste for them. AND...this morning I found that they'd chewed the fastener of of my $45 VS Ipex bra. On the bright side, I guess it will force us to be cleaner.

No additional weight loss today - still down 9 pounds. I guess my metabolism is slowing down. I played softball last night and was pretty wobbly after I had to run bases, but I did OK.

Here's my random 10 for the day - check out more at American Idle. We started with some funk, added a dash of bluegrass, a pinch of grunge, and a side of punk. Interesting theme of titles though - I'm not THAT bummed that I didn't get the DC job, really! ;)

Can You Hear Me - Missy Elliott w/ TLC
Straight Cold Player - Lenny Kravitz
Troubles - Alicia Keys
The Rooster - Outkast
Keep on the Sunny Side - The Whites
Something Must Break - Joy Division
Nothingman - Pearl Jam
Must Get Out - Maroon 5
Wasting Time - Collective Soul
Paddle Out - Sublime

Rejection

It sucks. I had a job interview in the DC area last Friday. Not getting an offer. I'm confused because what they said they wanted turns out to be not what they really wanted. I have what they really wanted too, but was focusing on what they said they wanted.

Oh well - on to the next opportunity!

On the bright side - I'm down 9 pounds today.

I swore it was exit only...

But yesterday, I succumbed to the enema required by my juice fast. It was most foul - you don't really need any more information about the actual event than that. I felt a little sore last night as I was going to sleep. I hope that doesn't last.

Today I'm down 7 pounds, and haven't felt much hunger at all. I have had a dull headache most of the day, which is a side effect from beginning to detoxify. Here's today's menu:

Morning and snack: pineapple watermelon with a splash of pomegranate
Lunch: carrot and sweet potato (sounds icky but was actually quite tasty)
Dinner: think I'll do asparagus, celery, tomato, cucumber, and garlic, with a dash of salt, pepper, and tabasco.

Check out this bullshit. The spousal unit worked with one of these wingnut Christians. It's FANTASY, people, not Wicca....and very morally friendly fantasy at that. How in the hell do you call it anti-Christian? And what's next...Tolkien? These are the type of right-winged, intolerant Christians that give proper Christ lovers a bad name. I wish they would show some reason, like this guy. Personally, I think that moderate Christians should tell these folks to shut the bleep up, much the same as I believe moderate Muslims should police the fundamentalist terrorists that has the West quaking in our boots. Thankfully the Jerry Falwell types don't kill anyone though - they usually just make asses of themselves.

Sean...

Get off your lazy ass and BLOG! I IM'ed with you, I know you have your computer hooked up in your new digs, dammit.

Day 2

I made it through my first day of juice fasting! The hunger was actually not terrible yesterday. My boss was eating some Del Taco, and I swear it smelled like dog food. I did get this funky lightheaded buzz in the afternoon that was actually sorta cool. And I stopped at Wild Oats after work to get some nut milk (almond and hazelnut), some fasting tea to curb appetite, and some No-chicken broth. I think this will be much better than, say, the cabbage soup diet for variety.

On the menu today:

Breakfast and snack - watermelon pomegranate
Lunch - carrot pear
Dinner - tomato, bell pepper, and asparagus

I also forgot to mention the nasty part of the diet. You're not consuming solids, hence neither are you excreting solid waste. But there's still crud up in there that needs flushed - so you have to give yourself enemas. I get to deal with that this evening. Yipee.

But guess what? It's only been a day, and I'm down 5 pounds!!!

Juice fast

Tomorrow I'm starting a juice fast. No solid food, and nothing but fresh squeezed juice. I'm shooting to stick with it for 10-14 days. My goals are weight loss, detoxification, and possibly clearing up of some skin issues and hay fever. This is a picture of all the fruits and veggies I've washed and laid out for tomorrow. On the menu is:

Breakfast - apple pear grape juice
Early afternoon - carrot celery juice
Late afternoon - more apple pear grape
Evening - bell pepper, tomato, cucumber, and asparagus juice

I have to do one strictly green juice per day, recommended in the evening.

A friend lost 30 pounds (though he did it for 3 weeks) and doesn't have to get allergy shots anymore. So I'm optimistic, though I know the first 2 or 3 days will be pure hell. I'll keep you posted.

Oh - and I can also drink water, herbal teas, and very occasionally, nut milks.

Random 10

I'm going to copy my buddy James today and post the Random 10 songs from my iPod. Today it did a very strange thing - it skipped to the same CD - twice. Not overly random, but I was happy to hear Used to Love her as it is one of my favorite G N' R tunes.

I also have to insert the disclaimer that I ripped a bunch of random CDs from a friend with very questionable taste in music. As penance, I forced myself to listen to the entire song. But hey...at least I didn't buy a pair of her boots. ;)

Here they are:

You're Crazy - Guns N' Roses (acoustic version from G N' R Lies)
Used to Love Her - Guns N' Roses
Everyday See You - Jessica Simpson
Rapsodia - Andrea Bocelli
Saint Joe on the School Bus - Marcy Playground
The Right Profile - The Clash
See You - Depeche Mode
Something - The Beatles
The Line Begins to Blur - Nine Inch Nails
Romanza - Andrea Bocelli

Praise (insert deity here)

I was having a mini freak-out today....I thought I lost HotPod! I'd best explain...HotPod is what I named my video iPod. The spousal unit originally bought me the iPod photo, which I christened MyPod. That puppy fritzed out less than a month after the warranty expired. Fortunately the folks at Apple were very generous, and replaced it anyway - with a refurbished video iPod! I was so thrilled that I had to give this one a sexier name...hence, HotPod.

Fortunately, a search unearthed HotPod in the glove compartment of my car. Phew!!!!!

Might be moving further east...more on that after this Friday.

Home again, jiggity jig

I'm back. The drinking streak has been extended to 8 days, and will continue tonight. After that I'm shutting it down - my poor body needs to recuperate.

Wicked bad hair

Oh, the joy of being a tech geek. This is what I encountered in one of my conference sessions today. Man, my cell phone camera sucks. But this is a balding, curly, red-haired mullet in a ponytail. So much ugliness all rolled up into one!

Oyyyyyyy

I've been drunk for the past 6 days. Ouch. My dear friend chelene is right - alcohol should not be free. Especially when you're expected to "work" the next day.

On the plus side, I may have E. Coli.

Crossed legs, bulging toes, and jiggly bellies

I ran across this story yesterday. Colombian wives and girlfriends of criminals are imposing a sex ban on their men to try to get them out of the gangster life. I think this is a fresh, fabulous approach that just might work if the women maintain a united front. The catch is that I think there will always be women out there drawn to that sort of man.

Speaking of crossed legs, I've come up with a poll. Which do you think is worse - camel toe or muffin top? If you're confused, I've included pictures of both.


I call this masterpiece "Kim-el Toe"


The NY Daily News hates muffin top too!

Personally I vote for muffin top. Not because it has a higher ick factor, but because it seems to be much more rampant and because actual flesh (that should be hidden) is exposed.

Oh, and you gotta check out cameltoe.org. It's heeelarious as well as equal opportunity for men and women. And as Kimmie illustrates above, they've got some classic celebrity shots. Who knew Dick Cheney should really be called Balls Cheney?

New yoga

So the yoga instructor I'd been going to for the past 2 years no longer teaches at my gym. She claims it's because she's going to massage school and doesn't have time, but I suspect that she's picking up more classes at the yoga studio she also teaches at and is making more money. And I can hardly blame her. I'd follow her there, but I ain't driving all the way down to Cherry Hills, even if John Elway might show up.

So this meant I needed to find a new studio. I kicked the idea of Bikram around, but am a little hesitant as I tried it once and found it very intense. As luck would have it, I found a flyer at work on our discounts table for a studio nearby that would let me try my first class for free. I went tonight, and it was great! I think I'll go back.

But I'm still bummed about having to shell out extra money to continue to practice. I got spoiled having such a good instructor at my gym. Pout.

OK, it's kitschy, it's teenage, and it's a little bit silly. But I have to admit...Justin Timberlake rocks my world. I've preordered his latest CD from iTunes and am anxious to go download it this evening.



I think that JT's falsetto crooning evokes memories of swooning over Michael Jackson during the Thriller days. I used to watch MTV vigilantly, awaiting the next time they would play the Thriller video. Thank heaven the voice is where the similarities end. Trying to picture Cameron Diaz dating MJ - nuh uh!!! Well, maybe MJ as he was on Thriller - pre super-freak (though just barely).

The Barney's warehouse sale

First off...the timing. This sale happens twice a year every February and August. I understand that the most excellent goodies get picked over the first day - there was a Will & Grace episode about it and from what I can tell it probably wasn't too far off - people snatching things out of each others' hands, etc. It was winding down when I got there on August 31st. The good news about that? Additional markdowns.

Next...the location. It's not at the main Barney's uptown on Madison but down in what is normally their Co-op store on 17th in Chelsea. It really did look like a warehouse to me, so I have a hard time picturing what the Co-op normally looks like. We were guided in by employees who handed us flyers reminding us that shoplifters would be prosecuted. The womens' stuff was upstairs and the mens' in the basement. The spousal unit went down to the basement but was quickly overwhelmed and adjourned to a nearby bar where I would join him for $1.50 celebratory happy hour beers (never EVER did I believe we'd find such a bar in oh-so-gay Chelsea). I never made it out of the womens' department.

And now the best part...the goodies. Upon entering the womens' section, one descends upon racks and racks of shoes. Oh, glorious shoes! Upon finding my size, I quickly noticed lovely pairs of Christian Louboutin, Marc Jacobs, Manolo Blahnik, etc.... Alas, even at half off the prices still seemed too steep. As I simpered away towards the clothing section, I noticed the sign that would forever change my shoe-owning experience - additional 50% off all shoes! Glory be. I rescoured the racks and piled up a pair of Louboutin pink metallic heels, Casadei pale blue and tan kitten heels, and Manolo Blahnik pink ankle strap ballerina flats. Even at $90 I couldn't talk myself into ANOTHER pair of pink metallic shoes that were quite as high as the Louboutins, so those were the first to go back. This left the Manolos and the Casadeis. Even though they were a deal, I had just arrived in NYC and decided that other bargains likely awaited me and that the Casadeis were not quite snobby enough, so I abandoned them as well. This left me with my sole purchase of the day - my very first pair of Manolo Blahniks, at the bargain price of $130. Carrie Bradshaw would be so proud of me!

I did move on to the clothing, where my size had been pretty well picked over. I was feeling very envious of you petite gals out there, especially when I saw all the glorious bargains to be had on Blue Cult, Chip & Pepper, True Religion, and Seven for all Mankind jeans in smaller sizes. I managed to find a Marc Jacobs top and a Diane von Furstenburg dress that piqued my interest, and decided to try them on. I had been warned ahead of time that the warehouse sale has no dressing rooms, so I retreated to the most remote corner of the store, where mirrors, madly disrobing female shoppers, and salesclerks who shooed away men wandering into the area were congregated. As they say, when in Rome.... I stripped off my top, but these designer duds were not destined to accompany me back to Colorado.

Upon meeting up with the spousal unit I informed him of the additional markdowns. He seemed bummed that a pair of Armani slacks he'd admired were not actually $200 but $100. I think he's still upset we didn't go back for them.

(Mis)adventure at the VMAs

So whilst in NYC last week, we discovered that we had arrived on the day that MTV was holding the VMAs at Radio City Music Hall, which happened to be a block from our hotel.

After spending some glorious time at the Barney's warehouse sale in Chelsea (a shopping Mecca that is fodder for its own thread entirely) and downing a couple $1.50 beers (I didn't think they were that cheap in Manhattan, ever) at a nearby happy hour, we headed back to the room to change before meeting a friend for dinner and noticed that the limos were starting to arrive. The spousal unit wanted none of it, and I didn't need to shower, so I decided to go on the prowl while he got ready.

The best part happened before I even got past the first barricade - I saw Nick Lachey drive by in a Town Car. Everyone was screaming and leering - the teenage boy next to me lamented not shouting out "dude, you had sex with Jessica Simpson!" I bet Nick wished he'd gotten the Town Car with the full tint. He was sure a little hottie in his white t-shirt.

Upon encountering the first barricade, I noticed that it was barring the entrance to a Barnes and Noble. I asked the police officer if he would let me past to go to the bookstore, and he obliged. Ha!

After purchasing a tabloid rag (I didn't want to be accused of not really wanting to BUY anything there), I darted out the door in the opposite direction of the barricade towards the street onto which all the limos, Escalades, etc. were turning onto to release their precious celebrity cargo.

I got as far as the end of this block and hit another barricade guarded by a less naive civil servant. However, he was allowing people to linger outside the barricade. Luckily some of my fellow gawkers were significantly younger than me, or else I'd have had no idea who was going past me. I managed to see:

Panic at the Disco (cheeseheads had a huge sign on the front of their white old-style limo)
John Legend
Russell Simmons
Steve-O from Jackass (again, thank you youngsters)
Usher
Beyonce. Well, not really. But I did see the side of her black SUV.

At this point I decided I was on the wrong side of the streed to get a decent view, and decided to cross. This led to the demise of my adventure. The cops on the other side were much less tolerant and shooed me along. I then decided to dart into the Kenneth Cole store in the corner, and ogled a bit from inside, but after strange looks from the salespeople and a less than satisfying view I again decided to move on. I continued North on 5th Avenue and walked past another barricade, behind which I could actually see the red carpet. Oh, so close!!! There was actually a gap in this barricade, but when I attempted to step through, one of the tragically hip youngsters standing on the inside of it cried out "Oh no, honey, you can't come in HERE". I think I could have talked my way past this fashionista/bodyguard, but since I was wearing neither haute nor street couture I opted to again keep going.

At the end of that block, I was told I had to turn around and go back the other way. So I did. But halfway BACK down the previous block a female police officer told me I couldn't go that way either. Frustrated and ready to end my VMA misadventure, I not-so-politely informed her that her colleague at the end of the street had informed me otherwise. This caused Ms. NYPD to get all up in my grill. Sigh. Not wanting to see the inside of a Manhattan jail, I decided to obey Ms. NYPD and headed back in my original direction and ultimately back to my room.

But it was fun while it lasted.

Ta-ta

Off to NYC to celebrate 5 years with the spousal unit. See you all next week!

Ponder this

The spousal unit is going to see Tool tonight. In looking at their website I saw that they played in Utah last night.

This really had me perplexed. Utah - land of Mormons and polygamy. How in the world are enough Tool fans rounded up to fill a concert venue there? And if so, what does a Mormon Tool fan look like?

For your enjoyment, pics of a few famous Mormons. Take a guess: Tool fan, or no?




Here I'm referring to Jon Heder the actor, not Napoleon Dynamite the character.




Yes, I read little Ricky Schroder converted recently. Guess that Silver Spoon belongs to the Church now.

A bit too much....

I've been pushing my poor liver harder than usual lately.

Thursday I met the spousal unit at Applebee's prior to our softball game to have a beer and split an appetizer. This proved to be useful for our double-header, both games of which we won. After the games we joined our teammates at C.B. & Potts for a few more brewskis. A team member tried to engage me in a wager over whether another teammate could engage in, er, relations with someone and insert a certain opposable digit into a particular orifice. I scoffed at his offer as no valid proof of such an action would be available.

Friday I felt like hell at work, and was limited to watching The Family Stone that evening with the spousal unit while eating takeout from the Black Eyed Pea and nursing a glass of red wine. Though I like many of the actors in the movie, there was just too much going on and I couldn't rouse myself to care much about any one character.

Saturday we played 18 holes of golf, fueled by a delay under the lightning shelter along with the beer cart. Post golf we met a friend for a quick drink, then headed home to change for a BBQ we'd been invited to. All these activities resulted in copious amounts of beer being consumed. So yesterday I felt like hell too. I think I'm getting to old for this.

Grrr

I've lost 2 great posts in the past week when hitting the Publish Post button. Publish means publish, not wipeout!!!!

Kooks update

Well, the restaurant owner in India has come to his senses. I didn't realize that the swastika is originally a Hindu symbol for luck. Who would have guessed that the Nazis would have adopted their party insignia from such a non-Aryan culture?

Here are some links to bad things:

Paris Hilton's singing - sucks (according to prettyrandomthoughts).

Lindsay Lohan's interviewing skills - blow (apparently so does Lindsay - click here to experience the trainwreck in its entirety).

Snakes on a Plane - stinks (so I've read).

And for a non-bad thing:
I can't wait for the next season of Curb Your Enthusiasm. Larry David rules!

Ghetto Poo

We had a recurrence of the Camp Nazi over the weekend. The ranger drove by the campsite in the morning and informed us we have to leash the kerpupples. Apparently they used to let it slide but got too many complaints. Personally, I think people have gotten far too uptight.

So for a time, we tied the kerpupples up by tying a rope between two trees, threaded through their leash handles. Well, Ripley saw a chipmunk off in the distance and shot off after it. I expected her to experience a serious dose of whiplash, but instead her collar broke. Not wanting to leave her collarless, we made a makeshift collar by running a piece of rope through the tag holder of her broken collar.


Here she is. Ain't she ghetto?

I tried to replace the collar with a pretty pink one today (with a metal fastener that won't break like the last one did), but the one I bought was too large (she's not as fat as I thought she was) so I need to exchange it. So she gets to be Ghetto Poo a bit longer.

Kooks

Check out these kids' pajamas. There are some serious religious freaks out there. Why in the world would you try to brainwash your child this way?

And some genius in India decided it would be a good idea to open a Hitler themed restaurant. One celeb attending the restaurant found the photos "amusing". And the article makes Hitler sound like a caring, family-oriented sort. How soon we forget, as can also be illustrated by most European countries' lack of support for Israel.

Camping geek

So the kerpupples are taking the spousal unit and I camping this weekend. SU is an uber camping geek. Every time we go he comes up with several new must-haves for the upcoming trip. This time he ran out to get us some headlamps. Now, don't get me wrong - I realize how superhandy headlamps are. But let's face it - you look like a dork wearing one. So I've given the spousal unit crap about buying one for me (though it's all in fun - fashion is really of no concern when camping). And now he's tickled pink with his new toy. He wore it around the house all day on Sunday, prompting curses from me every time he shined i t in my face. And yesterday the kerpupples took us for a walk at dusk, so the headlamp came along too.

Ripley's hips are back to normal, for her. SU has discovered a place where we can take her swimming in a pool for exercise therapy. I think we'll all love it.

Hot tootsies

Just needed to share the pics of the two gorgeous pairs of shoes I'm awaiting from Bluefly.





I believe that the Manolo, he would approve.

Hurty Poo

Yesterday the dogs went on a long jaunt while the spousal unit and I were at work. I sheepishly admitted to the spousal unit when he called me after arriving home first and finding them gone that I may have left the gate unlatched when administering weed killer to the lawn in the backyard over the weekend (lawn care blows - I can't relate at all to those nutjobs who get so into it).


Shortly after, Ripley let out a bark at the front door (we call this the Poo Signal). The spousal unit opened the door to see two tired, filthy, stinking dogs wanting to come inside. I have no doubt they'd been mucking through some swampy puddles I'd called Ripley away from on a walk last Friday. He thought they'd been stalking in the field across from our house until they saw his truck.

Well, they must have had quite an adventure indeed. Ripley has hip dysplasia but it generally doesn't bother her much. But last night she had a terrible bunny-hop gait, and I had to carry her upstairs when we went to bed. This morning she made it upstairs on her own, moving very slowly and clearly in pain. So we need to start up the regimen of buffered aspirin and glucosamine/chondroitin.

I hope this isn't the start of a decline. We love our poo!

Under the Tuscan Yum

So I've been reading Under the Tuscan Sun recently. I never managed to watch th movie - it seemed like a mediocre vehicle for Diane Lane (who, suprise suprise, doesn't seem to resemble the author and main character of the book at all) coming off of her success in Unfaithful. But the book came with good recommendations, and I've mostly enjoyed it.

Much of it describes all the backbreaking, frustrating, and sometimes hilarious work that Frances Mayes, the author, and her husband/boyfriend/? (also suspiciously absent in the movie, from what I gather) had to do to get the old farmhouse liveable again. As a homeowner who enjoys house projects, this was particularly inyeresting to me.

The descriptions of the food (many of the vegetables grown on her property) and wine that Mayes encounters and prepares are also sumptuous. The spousal unit and I went to Italy 2 years ago, and found the cuisine of the region to be quite delectable, much more so than that in Rome. Mayes even includes some recipes in the text that I assume she created in an impromptu fashion. I'll be trying one of these recipes this week - Chicken with chickpeas, tomatoes, garlic, and thyme. Care to join me for dinner?

What I do find rather tedious is the descriptions of the towns and Etruscan historical sites that Mayes gives. If she had tried to edit herself more I believe she would have done this spectacular region more justice.

Suprise suprise...

No cease fire today.

Andrea Yates not guilty by reason of insanity.

Lance Bass is gay.

I'm not more imaginative today.

I'm a humanist

So I found this quiz that apparently assesses which faith (or lack thereof) you jive most with. For my part, I'd say the results are pretty accurate. I've never considered myself spiritual, but not quite atheist either. I always thought I was agnostic. But I like this better, I think. There's a link to the quiz below. Check it out and share your faith with me in the comments!

You fit in with: Humanism Your ideals mostly resemble that of a Humanist. Although you do not have a lot of faith, you are devoted to making this world better, in the short time that you have to live. Humanists do not generally believe in an afterlife, and therefore, are committed to making the world a better place for themselves and future generations. 0% scientific. 60% reason-oriented.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

What did he think he could get away with

It just blows my mind that Richard Hatch is being sent to prison for tax evasion. You remember him - the winner of the first Survivor? He didn't pay taxes on his million bucks. Did he really think nobody would notice? Now he's sentenced to over 4 years in prison. Stupid fuck.

Entourage just cracks me up. A friend of a friend calls it Sex and the City for guys. I think that's a great analogy. Wonder if they're gonna try and keep pushing Eric's threesome plot. Personally, I think he should stick with Sloan. A little munchkin like him needs a petite gal like her, not an Amazonian hottie like Tory (and like myself, I might add :-).

No wonder

I see this photograph and it leaves little doubt as to how the spousal unit ended up the way he is...

The gathering storm

I'm seeing headlines today that a cease-fire could happen between Hezbollah and Israel if the kidnapped Israeli soldiers are returned unharmed. I really hope that happens. This whole turn of events does not bode well if it cannot be resolved quickly.

Of course, President Bush thinks that Israel needs to just get Syria to make Hezbollah stop doing this shit. Sure. Israel and Syria have a terrific rapport.

Sorry. The spousal unit often criticizes my use of sarcasm as "the lowest form of wit". My bad.

Watched Munich on Friday night with the spousal unit and a friend. It felt especially significant given what was going on in Lebanon that very day. I really admire the message of that film. An eye for an eye truly does leave the world blind. Somebody just has to have the courage to refrain from retaliation. That's the difficult part.

Yowch! But boy can he sing....

How many Italian men do you think are happy this doesn't happen anymore?

As big as we're growing the women these days, seems like the procudure may be rendered obsolete even if it weren't horribly cruel.

I do!

The 5 year anniversary of my marriage to the spousal unit is quickly approaching. We've had a rough couple of years - gone through some hard times and losses of close family members. Well, it's finally started to feel like I'm getting the marriage I wanted back. And I'd suspected the spousal unit felt the same way. Well, to my delight those suspicions were confirmed yesterday. We were talking about getting away somewhere for that weekend to celebrate. The spousal unit suggested Vegas, to which I was not overly enthusiastic since we will be there for a Halloween wedding as well. He came back to Vegas though, and said he'd like it if it could be just the two of us there because....Will you marry me?

Yippee! Yesiree, spousal unit. I would marry you again a hundred times.

So I think the plan is to write some personal vows and exchange them with each other at some special place that anniversary weekend. Some folks seem to think a ceremony would be a good idea. But I'm not having another unless I can wear this dress.

New Kermonikers

My brain works in goofy ways, truly. It seems to always be churning in the background, trying to make new nicknames for the kerpupples out of words that I hear.

For example, while on vacation recently in Mexico the television was turned to a Stargate rerun (I think the dialog was still in English, with subtitles en espanol). From a reference to Anubis, I came up with the jewels Aroobis and Apoobis. And collectively, they can be called the Atwobis! Now, these are actually pretty clever given Anubis' jackal head. I think they'll stick.

Last night, the spousal unit and I finally got around to watching Hotel Rwanda. We've had it in stock from Netflix since December or so, but have held back I think due to the extremely depressing subject matter. The issues in Rwanda were between the Tutsi, a lighter-skinned, more caucasian-looking group of Rwandans, and the Hutu, whose appearance was more classically African (the darker ones were actually killing the lighter ones in this scenario). Working as it does, my brain associated the black dog Ripley, aka Poo, with the Hutu, and came up with Pootu. Likewise, blonde Roscoe became Rootsi. The spousal unit quickly convinced me that transforming this horrible genocidal blight in history into cute puppy names is, er, somewhat insensitive. He's right, and these names won't be sticking. But I still just have to marvel at the way my brain works. An odd duck am I.

Yo Franco

My friend Sean was supposed to have a look-see at my blog. Give me a shout out in the comments if you've been here, buddy.

All these nasty (well, in one case, allegedly nasty) folks keep dying. Al-Zarqawi. Patsy Ramsey. Ken Lay. Who's next? My money's on this guy.

I suck.

Where is my motivation? My inspiration?

Quick folks. I need blog topics. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeze!

The Camp Nazi

You know the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld? The guy you have to follow the rules just-so for or else he'll refuse to serve you some of his famous, delicious soup (he's a real guy, by the name of Al Yeganeh). Well, over the weekend, the kerpupples and I encountered the Camp Nazi.

I have to admit, Camp Nazi had a strike against him to begin with because we arrived to discover that Jefferson County has a complete fire ban in place. No campfires. Camping just isn't quite the same without a campfire. And as Camp Nazi (official title "camp host") broke the news that the penalty for violating the ban is a $5000 fine and 6 months in jail, our grumpiness over not being able to roast hotdogs and tell campfire ghost stories no doubt extended to him too.

This lame-ass campground also has a leash policy. Dogs must be on leashes at all times. Now, our kerpupples love to camp. And they do tend to wander a bit. But they are friendly, and socialized, and come back (usually) when we call them. It's the freakin' woods. If there's anywhere we should be able to let dogs roam free, it's there. And I always marvel at those who want to take their vicious, unsocialized dogs camping with them. Bear protection, I guess?

We ignored the rule and left them off-leash. For the most part they behaved, though Camp Nazi did scold us once. But then Mr. Kerpupple exacerbated the situation by running up to a camper walking his Weimeraner and doing his whole establish dominance routine. The other dog did not take to it well. But as dogs do, they worked it out, and there was no foul other than likely angering Weimeraner's owner.

Later that day, the spousal unit and I retired to the tent for a late afternoon nap. Our friend James, his brother, and some friends were cooking at the adjacent campsite, and the kerpupples know James well, so I trusted leaving them outside the tent while we snoozed. All was well, until I am jolted awake to the sound of "You leash those dogs NOW or you are OUT OF HERE!!!!!" screamed in our general direction from 5 or so campsites away. I sheepishly scrambled out to get the dogs on a leash - they were at the edge of the campsites we had rented. The guy kept on and on and rubbed James the wrong way, so James screamed back at him to leave us alone. Camp Nazi bellowed that he RUNS this place, effectively pissing on us and all our belongings.

Shortly following, I went on a walk around the campground to check out the other campers. Weimeraner owner and family were nearby, and they didn't look like very friendly campers. Pooch was nowhere in sight, probably locked away in their popup. Another dog owner had their dogs (one a big scary looking pit-bull/boxer type mix) chained up as well. I attempted to skirt around Camp Nazi's site (clearly the dude lived there in his battered RV and ancient Wagoneer), but he approached me. "Sorry I had to yell", to which my mind raced, "had to? Somebody forced you?" CN goes on to say that he'd received complaints from other campers. Weimeraner owning bastard! I confirmed I understood he was doing his job and that the kerpupples were now leashed. Then CN goes on to say how James is about to get booted for yelling at him. That "This is MY home," and that he clearly didn't appreciate being spoken to that way. His home? Excuse me? He doesn't pay for that forest. It's his workplace, not his home.

Moral of the story? Watch out for guys who live that solitary of a life. They probably do not play well with others.

Where is my MIND?

Near my house last night, I saw a young woman pushing a stroller. She was wearing a pair of trainers and a string bikini top. My first thought was, "Is that ghetto chic (also stemming from the fact that I live in a middle class tract home development that sandwiched between some, well, less than savory areas)?" My next thought was, "When did Britney Spears move to Thornton?"

I think I've been reading too many gossip rags lately. Pushing onward into Guns, Germs, and Steel tonight.

See what an a-hole

The kerpupples can see that the spousal unit and I are frazzled down to our last nerve, and are sending us off on a much-needed vacation on Saturday. Spousal unit has cleverly started pronouncing Zihuatanejo as the title of the post. It works, but I hope we don't see too many a-holes while we're there. We're staying in Ixtapa, which is an ajdacent planned-resort town similiar to but smaller than Cancun. We plan on spending a fair amount of time in Zih though - maybe keep our eyes open for Andy Dufresne or his offspring. I was suprised to see that the population is as large as it is, as Mr. King represented it as a tiny fishing village in Shawshank. But, maybe it was in the era in which Shawshank took place.

The kerpupples have decided to take the opportunity to spend time with our friend James and his 2 pooches. Though time in the presence of the kerpupples is payment in itself, we offered to bring him back a sweet mamacita should we see the opportunity. James buddy, maybe this would be one way to stick it, albeit in a very small way, to the Republican majority and their immigration focus. You could marry her and keep her here. Waddaya think?

But she's a HOO-AH!

OK, I just have to say that I pegged a subplot on the Sopranos this season. Carmela does indeed seem to be catching wind of Adriana getting whacked. I predicted that she would cause trouble about it. Based on what we've seen of her feeling listless and seeming to admire Angie the auto shop mobstrina having her own deal, I'm wondering if she might want to get into the business herself. We shall see.

Another storyline I'm still wondering whether or not I may have called deals with AJ. I thought that maybe we might see him get made before the end of the series. He certainly seems to have a desire for the money and glamour that comes along with it, and Tony has gotten him a job in "construction" (if he works as little as Finn did when he had a construction job last season, I pity AJ not at all). I'll be watching this one closely as well.

Dammit - I could be a Sopranos writer!

Flipper as a misnomer?

So according to this article and Newsweek, dolphins, are one of the three species on the planet that give their members individual names, along with the bespectacled parrotlet and homo sapiens. Newsweek claims that they also seem to repeat their own names quite frequently. Self-centered? The research seems to show that it's actually a way of communicating their state of being, a'la "George is getting angry!"

I swam with dolphins in Mexico a few years ago (I think the jury is still out as to whether this sort of activity is considered to be beneficial or detrimental to the dolphins themselves, though PETA no doubt decries it is evil), and was truly amazed to be in proximity with these beautiful creatures. You can place your ear under the water when they surround you and hear their conversations. What are they saying? "George thinks this is one funny looking thing swimming with us"? "George would ram this thing with his nose if it wouldn't cause George's fish to be withheld?" Or perhaps, "These odd finless creatures seem to be communicating with each other"? One day hopefully the code will be cracked.

No motivation

That's it...just needed to put that out there. And that includes that effed up FFF starter sentence. Got all inspired about doing a piece about Mickey Mouse making arranngements to screw someone he met in a sex chat room (321 is the Orlando area code), but couldn't get off my ass to do it.

I feel like a junkie

I work in Corporate America. In opting to veer away from the frequent travel required from life as a consultant, I took a position as a relative peon. And peons don't get to do things like have three martini lunches.

But I did. Well, not quite. I think our culture as a whole has veered away from that, which has its pros and cons. But I had a glass of wine at lunch. And was very annoyed with myself for feeling guilty and fearing getting caught afterwards. I'm a thirty-something, responsible adult. What the hell is wrong with taking a nip when I lunch with friends and coming back to the office? Smokers don't catch the same sort of flak for taking their fix, and on company grounds no less.

And why have we become such a goddamn goody-two-shoes society? Health nuts? Republicans in congress? Why is it so difficult to accept our freakin' humanity? It's unreasonable to expect to be a fat-free, Disney-watching, kink-abhorring, teetotalling, clean-mouthed infallible....robot. And we set ourselves up for disappointment in aspiring to such things. Better to accept our flaws and warts, even take the good that can arise from them.

New age hooey - now for pets!

First off, I want to qualify this observation by stating that I'm a yogini. I dig it. I'm still aspiring to get my heels all the way to the ground in downward-facing dog, because I'm a damn inflexible lass. But it has done wonders for my posture, my spinal health, ability to cope with stress, and overall well-being.

Well, some marketing wonder (I say this not entirely facetiously, because people actually pay money for this crap) deciced they needed to share the goodness that is yoga with the canine world. Hence the birth of yoga classes for dogs. Err, excuse me. Doga.

Is it really a suprise to anyone that a dog would do a pose such as upward-facing dog? The pose was named after the animal's natural stretching posture. If I didn't think it were strange and somewhat cruel, I'd be interested in seeing how a yogi coaxes a dog into, say, a warrior pose.

But I'd bet money that folks like Gwyneth and Madonna send their pooches to such classes. And therein lies the genius.

Idiots and Assholes

Today is one of those days at work. I am surrounded by idiots and assholes. I dream of the days as a successful novelist when the only idiot or asshole I have to work with is myself. Sure, there will be the editor, the agent, the publisher (assuming I am indeed succesful these folks will fall into the latter category but not the former), but those relationships shouldn't require intimate daily interaction.

Not feeling it today? Let me help you out with that. Here's some links below so that you can envelop yourself in idiots and assholes too. At no extra charge, some of them are even two-fers.

• There is no such thing as a chemical imbalance.
• Remember me? You made fun of me first!
• Looky - I can act! Waddayamean you'd rather see the sex tape?
• Teletubbies - burn in hell.
• I can't handle marble breasts - only boob I can tolerate is the one in the mirror.
• We didn't do anything immoral. We're not freaks. Stop chasing us or we'll sick our pet cheetah Billy Bob on you!

And in mocking the God Hates Fags guy, I just have to remind everyone that it's not homosexuals but shrimp that really bothers the guy behind the pearly gates.

Extortion!

Don't ever get a speeding ticket in Northglenn, Colorado.

This happened to me a few weeks ago. Got popped going about 12 miles over the speed limit. I was not told onsite what I was charged with, but that I would receive something in the mail shortly informing me of how to deal with the citation.

I received the notification on Friday. Strangely enough, it still didn't tell me what I was being charged with. However, it did helpfully inform me that I could choose to plea to a lesser offense of Unlawful Lane Change. This plea would reduce the amount of points off my license to 3. All for the paltry fee of $190.

WHAT???!!@!^&~!#%@&

If I opt to not accept their generous offer I must attend court. For what charge, I don't know. How many points am I facing? They didn't tell me. Cost? Not a clue.

So now, I must wade through their red tape to determine what is indeed the best course of action. This will no doubt involve being transferred among several departments in order to find someone in the courthouse with enough knowledge to answer my simple questions. I suspect many people are intimidated into just paying whatever the man asks for in this situation. Uh-uh. Not me. Will it be worth my time? Probably not, but on principle it's the only course of action I can take.

Flash Fiction Friday #36

A cool breeze licked the back of her neck as she carefully climbed out onto the girder of the Queensboro. Unlike Harvey, she was the picture of health for an elderly woman, and it served her well in making her journey from the small home they had shared in Woodhaven for longer than she could bear to recall to the perch she now occupied. Most of the gnarled old bats in her neighborhood could barely get several steps out their front doors before beckoning (she chuckles lightly in her mind at the thought of Ruth Finkelstein issuing any request so polite as to be characterized as beckoning) to their children or husbands for aid. So frustrated they would get. She would gladly exchange her own robustness for more time with Harvey.

Harvey. Such a maelstrom of emotions thoughts of him stirred. Fondess, laughter, indescribable grief and horror regarding the way the disease rotted him from the outside to his core in so short a span of time. But most of all, out of thoughts of Harvey arose deep love and tortuous longing. These last two feelings were what brought her to where she now stood.

As if from another universe or a long-forgotten era, she is vaguely conscious of people noticing her from the pedestrian path on the bridge, even over the cacophony of cars and taxis and buses. She was aware this might happen. Though she couldn't seem to pinpoint when it had started, over the last few years a minor miracle had occured. New Yorkers seemed to care about the well being of their fellow citizens. Right then, on with the task at hand.

She wills herself to look up from her feet and takes in Manhattan beyond the East River. Such a glorious city. When her grandmother would take her on their treasured outings to Central Park as a girl, she would vow each time that she would never live anywhere else. And so she felt today, but in addition could not even bear the sight of the source of such fond memories knowing that she would never share another with Harvey.

"Ma'am. Hey ma'am! You gotta get..." an authoritative voice shouts at her. It is growing louder.

Dear, dear Harvey. I hope to see you soon. She sucks in one last deep breath and, resolve steeled, steps off the girder towards the waters of the East.

Soundtrack

OK, want to know if there's anybody else out there like this. More often than not I seem to have a soundtrack playing in my head. Oftentimes it's a song that relates to something going on in my life (i.e. "Mountain Song" by Jane's Addiction when I am skiing, "Don't Lie" by the Black Eyed Peas when I'm tempted to be dishonest, or "Possum Kingdom" by the Toadies). Other times it's just some random jingle or bit of music that gets garrilously lodged in my craw. That's what's there now. "Spider man, spider man, does whatever a spider can."

I think it's a result of being a Real World addict during my formative early adult years (sidebar - Real World is coming to Denver!!!). That I need to feel like my life fits into a set of tried and true experiences. Or that I really am off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz.

Friday evening

Just had another sitting with Saturday. The conflict has started. Things are coming together. I'm drawn in.

Bill Maher is listing his New Rules in the background as I type. Normally I find his humor intelligently cutting, but I just can't be bothered tonight. I'm afraid he's just starting to turn into another talking head.

I'm feeling that too-much-sun buzz from being out playing golf today. That's certainly a groovy feeling, isn't it (though I must admit, it is enhanced a teensy bit by a Newcastle)? But man - I kicked ass at golf. Well, for me anyway. Basically that means I hit the ball straight and didn't double par plus one every hole. I'm psyched.

Random thought for the day - annoying people suck. Not just a little.

Saturday

So despite the miniscule amounts of free time I have lately, I'm still trying to get my leisure read in. The book is Ian McEwan's Saturday.

His prose is just mesmerizing. I am still haunted when I think of certain passages from Atonement. I love all the medical terminology he's using (main character is a neurosurgeon) and the backdrop of a post-September 11th London is fresh and relevant. But I'm just not pulled in yet like I was with Atonement. I think I need to dedicate more time to a sitting than I have been.

God's work, part deux

A few weeks ago the kerpupples took the spousal unit and I camping just south of Moab, Utah. I'd never been to the area before. Even though I grew up in Northwest New Mexico and have seen my fair share of sandstone formations, this still took my breath away. The picture below was taken at Canyonlands National Park, near where we camped.



It amazes me that that lazy little trickle called the Colorado River that you see meandering its way through the bottom of this magnificent chasm created the whole scene. Clearly its course has slowed significantly over the centuries.

The camping was fun, mainly because it was the first trip of the season. The soil was very dusty, making it somewhat challenging to pitch a tent. Ripley loved it though, as it made for easy diggin' during her obligatory camping critter chase.








The town of Moab was a tad bit disappointing. There was a Jeep Safari being held there that weekend so it was very crowded. The spousal unit got quite a kick out of a restaurant sign that read "Welcome Jeep Safarians". Equated it to Rastafarianism. He really is a clever dear. Also, while dining in a greasy spoon, we overheard a local real estate agent commenting that locals can't afford the real estate there as 25K a year is quite a good income in the area. That sort of plight troubles me.