Rejection

I'm always in the market for new blogfriends.

Don't get me wrong, dearies - you are all tres entertaining. But there's always room for a new perspective, eh?

Everyone I currently interact with I've found through mooching off of James, Chelene, justacoolcat, etc.

Well, I'm interesting and extroverted, dammit! I can find my own blogfriends too.

So here's what I did. I clicked on "Next Blog". I kept clicking past all the Cialis spams, the morons, the sporadic posters, and one functional yet slightly frightening schizophrenic. I found someone intelligent with stimulating things to write about. I started commenting on his posts. I linked to his blog on mine.

While the guy was at least polite enough to respond to my comments, he never reciprocated by commenting on any of my posts. I bet he didn't even look at my blog.

Bastard.

He's off my links now.

But, if at first you don't succeed....

I'm giving it another shot. Wish me luck.

A tale of no baggies

The spousal unit and I are having doubts about taking our golf clubs to Aruba.

We went on our first trip to Europe in 1999. 5 days in Paris, 3 in Amsterdam, 5 in London, 3 in Glasgow, and 2 in Edinburgh (the father-in-law unit is Scottish).

We spent many hours deciding on just the right choices and amount of clothing to bring. We borrowed an extra suitcase from a girlfriend as we were still very young and underattache'd.

When we touched down in Paris, out of habit the spousal unit went to hunt down an appropriate place to smoke. This was before we realized that the French smoke everywhere. After this we faced a daunting Customs line. Finally, we arrived at the baggage carousel, but the spousal unit's borrowed suitcase was nowhere to be found.

You know what a pain in the tuckus it is to fill out a missing bag claim? Well, try doing it in French when you don't speak French. United Airlines gave us a weak excuse for an overnight kit and sent us on our way, telling us to call in periodically to check on the bag. Neither of us had a cell phone yet.

Exhausted from the long flight, we found our way to our Parisian hotel. Our bodies wanted to wilt into the small, bowed mattress in our room, but our minds told us that was a bad idea at 2 PM Paris time. So we went out and explored the area surrounding the hotel for a few hours. The spousal unit didn't have a single change of clothes, so we were hoping to encounter a boutique but were disappointed. After dining at one of the many Tex-Mex (that's right, Tex-Mex) restaurants in the area, we retired.

First thing the next morning I called the airline. After some lost-in-translation confusion, it was determined that the bag had not yet been found. So we decided to again make an effort to find some fresh garments for the spousal unit. This was Sunday.

I do not recommend trying to shop for anything in Europe on a Sunday. That famous Euro work-ethic (which in actuality I'm extremely envious of) extends to retail.

In a brief moment of ingenuity, we looked for a Gap in a local phone book. If there's any place that would cater to Americans needing to get their clotheshound fix while the French are cherishing their precious personal time, it's The Gap. We were not disappointed.

And so it went each day in Paris. Morning unfruitful conversations with United. But on the day we were scheduled to leave, we received a ray of hope: they had found our bag! It was being sent over to the hotel ASAP! After breakfast, we rushed back to the welcoming arms of our hotel desk clerk, who had a gift for us.

A bag. Not our bag. This was initially just a suspicion but was confirmed when we pulled out a rather large pair of underpants and a gossip rag printed in Russian.

Running dangerously late for catching our train to Amsterdam, we hurriedly called United back and left the bag with the bewildered clerk.

United never found our bag. We shopped again in Amsterdam (MUCH easier, I think the Dutch speak better English than most Americans) and did some laundry. Somehow we still managed to enjoy ourselves immensely.

OUr state of elation was quickly eliminated when we arrived home to a $250 phone bill for calls to United's American lost bags number, and the discovery that we were only eligible by law to $600 per lost bag (this law has since been amended. That paltry amount didn't even begin to cover 3 weeks worth of European Vacation clothes and shoes.

And now, we both have expensive new golf clubs. So you can understand our reluctance. Does anybody know if you can pay to up the liability for items lost internationally by an airline? If not, will my homeowner's insurance cover it?

Oscar musings

Hooray, Marty! It's about damn time.

Let's talk about Philip Seymour Hoffman. I can appreciate that he's not all Hollywood, that he's in it for the craft, and he does a damn fine job at that. But is it too much to ask for the man to BRUSH HIS DAMN HAIR when he is presenting an Oscar? He looks like he smells like urine.

Did anybody notice the ferocity of the Dreamgirls singoff? It really felt like both Jennifer and Beyonce were singing for their dear lives. And I hate to say it, because I hear B has been pretty petty and bitchy about all the recognition Jennifer is getting that she's not, but Beyonce ruled that number. I guess there's a reason she's the singer and Jennifer is now the actress. Don't get me wrong, J was wonderful too, but I didn't have any expectations of Beyonce and she totally blew me away. Too bad she didn't do the same with her dress.

And is Clint Eastwood going senile? He really bumbled through that honorary Oscar presentation. The spousal unit suggested he was drunk.

OK, now to my wardrobe assessments:

Best Dress - a two-way tie between Cate Blanchett and Kate Winslet. There were many lovely sherbet-colored dresses (Penelope (top half only), Naomi, Kirsten, Gwyneth, Celine's performance dress, and others), but Kate's mint was the loveliest by far. And Cate? Even though it was just a tad disco, she's a true fashion icon and that dress fit her like a glove.

Worst Dress - Anne Hathaway. That bow gave me terrible flashbacks of hideous prom dresses. Cameron Diaz came in a close second, but we were all expecting that, weren't we? Cam looks like she makes do from the nearest thrift store at nearly every red-carpet event she attends.

Biggest Disappointment - Jennifer Lopez. She was sporting the worst trend of the evening - giant fake jewels adorning the dress. And her hair? I could style it better than that.

Best recovery - Jennifer Hudson taking off that horrible gold lame cape she wore when she arrived. Again, bad prom flashbacks. I thought her brown dress was lovely once she removed that monstrosity, and her acceptance speech was too sweet. Was I the only one perturbed when they cranked the music on her? It's a huge moment for her - let her gush a bit, dammit!!!

Random 10: the willies

Thanks to seeing Harry Potter's uncut penis, this aberration, and finding a dead mouse in my closet this morning (thanks a bunch, kerpupples), this week's songs are not random. I chose 10 that pay tribute to the ball of skeeviness and disgust that is currently rotting in the pit of my stomach.

Disgustipated - Tool
Smells Like Funk - Black Eyed Peas
Rat In Mi' Kitchen - UB40
Baby Did A Bad Bad Thing - Chris Isaak
Grease - Franki Valli
When It Hurts So Bad - Lauryn Hill
My Sharona - The Knack
I Will Never Be the Same - Melissa Etheridge
Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses - U2
I'm Lonely (But I Ain't That Lonely Yet) - White Stripes



I could have composed this list entirely of Michael Jackson songs, but that would have been a bit over the creepy edge, don't you think? Put yours here, if you are still alive after following my links above.

The yogiggles

Yesterday morning, before I realized I was too sick to function, I went to yoga.

Normally the class is taught by a competent if a bit chatty Puerto Rican gal named Federica. I did question some of her music choices (yoga to Gwen Stefani? really?), but her class was challenging and the style I like.

I hadn't been to this class in about 3 weeks. Apparently Federica has been replaced. I thought at first he was a sub, but the other class members seemed to know him.

This was my first experience with a flamboyantly gay yoga instructor.

Picture a fit, tan, younger Dave Foley (not the pasty, bloated Dave Foley that clearly spends too much time of late drowning his sorrows in dank Vegas lounges) in a sleeves-cut-off t-shirt and tight sweats. He sounded like Dave Foley. Hell, his name was Dave.

I had high hopes for Gay Dave. The gay aerobics instructors I've had in the past worked me like no other. But I soon realized the perils of attempting a serious yoga practice when the already suggestive terminology is enhanced by the effeminacy of the yogi.

It started with a pose where we were supposed to squeeze our knees together as if we were holding a ball between them. "Squeeze that ball between those legs!"

I smiled.

We went on to a leg stretching pose. "Let's get some gluteal action!"

Hee.

We were met with a giddy "Oh, yay!" whenever the entire class achieved perfect posture.

But the climax came when he led us into downward-facing-dog. What was his cry of encouragement, you ask? "Send your buns to the sun!"

Overall, his class was not really for me. Too much stretching; not enough strengthening and balancing. It's really too bad, because I don't think I've ever found physical activity so entertaining.

Heloise's helpful hints

• Put a capful of hydrogen peroxide in your mouthwash. My dental assistant friend claims it works just as well as Crest Whitestrips. Seems to be doing the trick for me.


• Don't feed your extremely furry dog things that gives him the runs. He'll make a mess of his tail feathers that you'll have to clean up. Unless, that is, you have a fetish for doggie dingleberries.


• Don't get really rich, bored, and strung out on meth. It makes you do things like flash your bare girlie parts and get the urge to make your head match the aforementioned girlie parts.

Gumby Roo

Roscoe lies this way frequently. It sure doesn't look comfortable. I suspect his skeleton may be made of Lycra. Or maybe he's not really a dog but some new species of furry snake.

Random 13 - Hatin' Cupid Mix

We're leaving tonight to visit family for a few days, so I may not see much of my blogging compadres. I thought I'd do a Random 10 today in honor of this the most reviled holiday. I'd like to thank iTunes for giving me the ability to create the playlist without a shred of thought, and HotPod for randomizing within the List of Love.

Why not 10, you ask? Because 13, like this day, is considered taboo by many. It's actually my lucky number.

Fell In Love With a Girl - The White Stripes
Because of Love - Janet Jackson
Is This Love? - Cake
Be My Lover - La Bouche
Love To Hate You - Erasure
Love Hater - Outkast
Your Love is King - Sade
I Want You, I Need You, I Love You - Elvis Presley
Generations of Love - Culture Club
Chains of Love - Erasure
Big Hunk O' Love - Elvis Presley
Pride (In the Name of Love) - U2
Goodnight My Love - Gloria Estefan

How fitting that last song is. Ciao for now.

Girls Rule

Didn't watch much of the Grammy awards. The spousal unit and I had bet on which song The Police would play. He won, dammit - my money was on Every Breath You Take. Never been too attracted to Sting, but damn - the guy's got some guns!

I did catch Shakira tearing it up with Hips Don't Lie. I can't help but wiggle and waggle when I hear that song, and she's always fun to watch dance. Another not-too-skinny celeb, can you dig it? I sure can.

The next day, I hit YouTube to check out the other performances. And my professional musical assessment is that.....by far, the ladies kicked ass.

Mary J. and Christina were by far the vocal highlights of the evening. Wow.

Even Miss Beyonce held her own, though I do wish she would stop letting her mother dress her.

I'm pretty neutral about the Dixie Chicks but I can admire them for standing behind their convictions with Not Ready to Make Nice. I think it was obnoxious of Natalie Maynes to air her beef with US politics overseas, but the woman certainly didn't deserve death threats. You can't help but feel the fear, trepidation, and raw emotion in the song.

And of course, we got to watch Shakira.

I was disappointed in what I saw of the gents. Didn't like Gnarls Barkleys' Crazy interp. Justin was decent, but What Goes Around just isn't my favorite - I cannot forgive him for writing the lyric "My heart bleeded". I do believe he really was playing the piano based on what I saw of the rehearsal.

Here's a wrap with my favorite performance of the night.

A sigh of relief, a chuckle, and a groan

My mom has just moved to a town 2 1/2 hours away. On Saturday I drove down to give her our old dining table and chairs. The trip was remarkably pleasant considering she is bipolar and has epilepsy and ADHD. It really wears me out sometimes to spend a lot of time with her, but I think since she's so excited about her new surroundings that the difficulties caused by these orders were somewhat dormant. Whew.

On the way home, 2 things of interest caught my eye while driving north on Colorado Highway 115.

The first was a sign which read "COME EXPLORE THE EXCITING WORLD OF GIANT TROPICAL INSECTS." If I had been a comic book character, a thought bubble full of question marks would have appeared above my head. Shortly after, I saw this similar sign and apparition:

Mind you, that giant beastie was the size of a car. When I got home my friend Google helped me piece together the puzzle. Apparently the May Museumcontains the private insect collection that some rich dude gathered in the 30s and 40s and opted to display on his Colorado ranch. He also seems to have purchased up a bunch of NASA photos to create a "Space Museum". Quirky, out-of-place, and a bit morbid - I love it! Will have to take the nephew there next time he's in town.

The second notable piece of scenery was a billboard which read "Abortion is always wrong. -God". This was my first cue that I had reached Colorado Springs, the birthplace of the deplorable anti-gay group Focus on the Family and the glaring neon scarlet dot on Colorado's political map. Please. If I wanted to be preached to, I'd go to church.

Random 10 - Triple Creme Brie meets Cheez Whiz

Here's the list:

Ain't My Bitch - Metallica
You Thought - The Go-Go's
Mama (Choir Acapella) - Garnett Silk
Minuet in D Minor - Bach
Freddy My Love - Cindy Bullens
Sparkling Diamonds - Nicole Kidman, etc. from Moulin Rouge
It's Too Late - Gloria Estefan
Vivere - Andrea Bocelli
Goodnight, Good Guy - Collective Soul
You Spin Me Right Round - Dead or Alive

Maybe you could have guessed it, but I like show tunes. The Chicago movie soundtrack is one of my all-time favorite CDs. And Gloria did some fabulous covers on Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me. Mix in some mellow classics and some of the not-so-great songs from some fun bands, and here's what we have - an hors d'oeuvres platter fit for just about anyone.

Post yours at American Idle with my pals - Paris, Lindsay, and Britney would do it too if they noo how to uze a kompooter.

Speechless

I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel or what I'm supposed to say when someone I made fun of a mere few days ago on a comment in a friend's blog just keels over and dies. So...I'll just leave you with a link to one of her finest moments.

Can someone give me a clue as to how to embed video here? I'm the least techno-savvy programmer geek you'll meet for awhile.

UPDATE: Looks like my link was taken down. Guess Anna's drunken moments won't be showed in public for awhile.

Breathless Anticipation

Lost is back on tonight - I can't wait!!! Will Sawyer and Kate make it....somewhere? Will Jack let creepy Ben die? What in the heck is going on with Desmond?

I've heard lots of folks saying that this season isn't as good. I'm not so sure I agree. I think people have shorter attention spans than ever these days and they just get bored too easily. The spousal unit, on the other hand, seems to think that Lost has jumped the shark. Do you watch it - what do you think?

According to that website, WKRP in Cincinnati is one of the few shows that never jumped the shark. I always enjoyed it in reruns when I was a kid, but hey, I liked the Brady Bunch back then too, so I wasn't exactly the most discerning critic.

The intimidation factor

Yesterday I went to the fabric store, fully intent on stocking up for my first sewing project. I browsed home decor fabrics and flipped through pattern books, and settled on the green and orange curtains you see here:



Well, I nearly didn't decide to make them. I opened the pattern when I got home and nearly had a heart attack. What in the heck is selvage? Why would you ever baste anything that you're not cooking? On top of that, the pattern only accomodates 48" windows, and I have one that is 70" wide. I set the pattern next to my machine and sulked off morosely to bed.

This morning, armed with Merriam Webster, my strong will, and basic knowledge of geometry, I figured out that I can not only sew the freakin' curtains, but I can modify the pattern to accomodate my larger windows. So tonight I'm headed back to the store to actually purchase the supplies to craft these bad boys.

Oh yeah - I also picked up a smokin' hot ski helmet at 50% off. It's white with silver flames and pink straps and accomodates earpads with headphones. Because I just can't spend 100% of my time trying to impersonate Martha Stewart.

The snow queen

Wow...check out this awesome snowbank!




Is Roscoe around? He always makes fun of my obession with snow...




No sign of the punk - I'm goin' in!

Beauty in Death

Almost a month ago, at my request to bring home some flowers for a party we were having that evening, the spousal unit brought home some gorgeous red-and-yellow tulips. Tulips are one of my favorite flowers with the way they open and close daily, hungering for the sunlight. I placed them in a triangular blue vase I keep on a small shelf in our breakfast nook. They bloomed gloriously for about a week or so and then began to wilt, at which point I promptly neglected them. Last week I noticed they were still there, and took a closer look at the way they had wilted. It was picturesque enough for me to want to capture and share.

The weekend was mostly wonderful. Friday night was fun - I didn't stay long for poker but had a nice time with my colleague and her pinball-fiending family at a place that has some of the best margaritas (and worst food) in the city. Afterwards I picked up the spousal unit post-poker and we headed home.

Saturday we enjoyed the play, even though neither of us were entirely sure we completely comprehended the message. It was a modern take on Arabian Nights....sort of, sometimes. Afterwards we had a couple of hours to kill, so we grabbed a Starbucks and then window shopped for clothes and electronics. Before dinner we had time to take advantage of happy hour for some Chardonnay for me (it was freezing outside, don't ask me why I was craving chilled wine) and vodka tonics for the spousal unit. Lastly, we sat down to 4 cheese fondue, steak, chicken, lobster and shrimp which we cooked in a vegetable broth, and finally various sweets and fruits which we dipped in luscious melted dark chocolate.

Skiing had to be forgone yesterday as I woke up feeling sick. Instead I assembled the new sewing machine and tested it out using what meager supplies I had on hand. The result can be described as either a crooked sack or a doll's pillowcase. But hey, it's a start!

Sunday evening was capped off by some slippery footbal, some tasty Prince, and some Rome on HBO. All in all, a satisfying birthday weekend.

The pre-birthday random 10

Mere mortals know today as Groundhog's Day. But the real occasion is that it's The Day Before Slave to the Dogs' Birthday. Here's the music to set the mood:

Jesse's Girl - Rick Springfield
Piano Sonata Number ? - Beethoven
Give it Away - Red Hot Chili Peppers
Different Names for the Same Thing - Death Cab For Cutie
Son Of A Preacher Man - Dusty Springfield
Jingle Bells - Korn
Lack Of Water - The Why Store
Happy Nation - Ace Of Base
Pentagram - Cake
Something's Got To Give - The Beastie Boys

Got a good weekend lined up. Tonight, some poker and some killer margaritas with my lone coworker who lives in the same state. Tomorrow, the spousal unit and I are going to catch a matinee of 1001, followed by a scrumptious dinner at La Fondue. Then on Sunday, some skiing and some Superbowl. Quite nice, wouldn't you say?

I've asked for a sewing machine for my gift. I'm pretty sure I'm getting a sewing machine, as last night the spousal unit came in carrying a sewing machine and dumped it on the living room floor, commenting "You can't have it yet." I look forward to taking up a new hobby.

Oh yeah - post your own random 10 here, or you'll forever be dubbed a birthday hater.

Crankacrampacrunk, and Paris' cunny

Today is one of those days of the month when I am least grateful to be a female. I'm lucky I'm working from home now, or my coworkers would be wanting me to get the hell out of the office by the end of the day. So I apologize in advance if I am less than my sweet, cheerful self (bwaaa-ha-ha) when replying to any posts today and tomorrow.

So what about this ParisHiltonOverExposed.com business? I think Chelene hit it right on the dot - these folks aren't going to make any money on this venture. I managed to get a taste of it for free thanks to The Superficial. And let me tell ya, most of it was yawn, yawn, yawn. There was a bit of unexciting sex with some guy named Jason Shaw (she flashed her "Property of Jason Shaw" dogtag necklace to the camera while they were doin' it), and a fair amount of Paris breast to be seen. The twit is deaf as a doornail (every other word in one segment was, "Wha???") and LOOOOOOOVES the camera.

Ther was one part that really made me laugh out loud. A boyfriend was filming her (and trying unsuccessfully to direct her for another sex tape) getting out of the tub. She looked in the mirror and walked away. Filming Fool told her to look in the mirror again, and when she asked why, he replied "Because you only did it once, and that really scares me."

I did see a to-do list from the Paris Junk Trunk that was also amusing. It was handwritten, and included tasks such as "Call someone if I feel like I want to throw up", "Call someone if I feel like using", and "Go to AA twice a week" (yeah, right!).

A dubious claim to fame

Check it out - we now have our very own version of Mary Kay Latourneau or Debra LaFave right here in Colorado!

What in the heck is wrong with these women? And how come only blonde teachers seem to have relationships with their male students?

Boing

Yesterday I went to step aerobics and happened to catch a glimpse of my profile in the mirror as we were doing a particularly boisterous sequence. Holy frijoles! The twins' range of motion now seems to be down to my waist and up to my forehead. I do believe that's the last time I'll wear that particular sports bra for such vigorous exercise. I think I need to get myself a frog bra.

If I tried this, I think they would end up flying backwards over my head and/or getting pinned under the pogo stick. Too bad, cuz it looks hellafun.

Why is it that breasts (natural ones, anyway) can never be just quite right? Chelene and I have complaints about being too large. Tanya is enjoying her pregnancy boobs, but I bet she'd get tired of them if she had to lug them around for years on end. And my lesser endowed friends aren't happy either.

Check out my new digs

This morning, I commited what may be considered a cardinal sin for someone who is married to a gadget geek. I washed the spousal unit's cell phone.

This is not your run-of-the-mill phone, mind you. It's a smart phone. It's the one phone he could find out there with some PDA functionality in a flip style. It's interface is Windows. The spousal unit can easily check his gmail on it. Well, perhaps I should make that a past tense could check his gmail on it.


Here's a pic of the beauty. The spousal unit dubbed it The Batphone and even downloaded the old Batman show theme song for his ringtone.

It's drying in a window as I type. Please pray for my safe return to the human house, my blogosphere buddies. This puppy will cost a mint to replace if I can't manage to revive it.

UPDATE: It lives! The spousal unit put the battery back in and charged up this morning. No harm, no foul. Phew!!!

Random 10 - Crowd Pleasing Version

I think the Random 10 is more fun when I'm using my iPod. I don't know what's coming up. This way I just copy and paste out of iTunes party shuffle. Though I suppose I shouldn't be complaining about convenience.

Paradise City - Guns N' Roses
One - U2
Lovesick Blues - Patsy Cline
Sad But True - Metallica
Like A Song... - U2
Ghostrider - Rollins Band
Hurt - Nine Inch Nails
Last Exit - Pearl Jam
Leave (Get Out) - JoJo
Ghost Story - Sting

Post yours at American Idle, or Henry Rollins will give you his evil death stare while he recites his thoughtful poetry. Wait....that was supposed to be a threat. Ah well, you get the jist.

The definition of optimism

Yesterday I ordered this bad boy for our trip to Aruba. Yep, I'll look just like that. Minus the jewelry. And the perfectly tousled beach hair. And the smokin' hot bod. I'm not worried about the top half - I can always pull that off somehow. It's getting my bottom half ready to wear that in a month and a half that I'll need to focus on. Encouragement, anyone?

Where do they FIND these people?

So I was watching Deal or No Deal. Sort of. Really it's just background noise while the spousal unit and I conversed over our delicious dinner of falafel and greek salad that he so munificently prepared. It never ceases to boggle my mind that they can consistently find such annoying contestants for this show.

A few weeks or months ago they had Lime Green Girl. Her clothes were lime green. Her fingernails were lime green. They had the bimbos models attired in lime green slut skirts. And Lime Green Girl's goal? To win enough money to buy herself a lime green H2. Riveting. I had to turn the thing off when they actually drove out a lime green H2 (complete with neon pink trim) as one of her offers. Such a monstrosity should only exist in the realm of the imagination.

I didn't think that could be topped.

But tonight, they found Hanson Girl. Yes, Hanson. MmmmmmmBop. Hanson Girl had Hanson Best Friend there for support. And where did she meet Hanson Best Friend? You guessed her, Chester - the Hanson website (which from what little I saw of it, sucks the Ron Jeremy. Maroon 5's site is far superior). Hanson Best Friend cheered her pal on with such statements as "You're already a winner - you've always been a winner!" Puke.

Hanson Girl wanted to win 15k so she could have a private Hanson concert at home for her friends. And I predicted this one - who showed up later on in the episode? Isaac, Taylor, and Zac (had to look that up). I'm sure Hanson girl peed her pants.

For the boys' sake, I hope Hanson Girl follows through with her wish out of the $83,000 she ended up winning. They probably don't have too many other gigs these days.

You should have heard the spousal unit cheering for her to win a penny. It would have warmed the cockles of your heart.

Ooh, I wanna take ya....

I've had enough of winter. Truly. We got 6 more inches of snow on Sunday. I don't think the snow in my yard will go away until April. I've had a great time skiing this year, but the snow belongs in the mountains, not piled up in front of my garage.

So...itching for warmer weather made me start poking into warm tropical getaways. I used to travel nonstop for work, so I've got about a gazillion hotel points and 10 gazillion frequent flyer miles. After some research and discussion with the spousal unit, the decision was made. At the beginning of March, we're off to Aruba.

Here's a pic of a divi divi tree for ya.


Anybody been there? Would love to hear about it.

Also, can somebody please tell me where in the hell Kokomo is? I'm pretty sure the Beach Boys weren't singing about the town in Indiana.

Today's random 10

I've had iTunes on party shuffle all morning, but here's what was in the queue when I remembered that I need to post my Random 10:

Live - Lenny Kravitz
One - U2
Nutcracker Overture - Tchaikovsky
I Don't Want To -Toni Braxton
Don't Wake Me - The Black Crowes
Another Night - Real McCoy
Some Days Are Better Than Others - U2
Rescue Me - Madonna
What You Are - Audioslave
The Happiest Days of Our Lives - Pink Floyd

Some really good stuff mixed in with some kinda lame stuff (Zooropa and all that came of it are truly horrid). Another Night brings back memories of a fun, carefree time in my life.

Post yours here, or Corey will tie you up, drag you to Vegas in his suitcase, and stash you in the auditorium at the Flamingo where you'll be forced to endure Toni Braxton's craptasticness repeatedly.

Oh, I, I, I'm Still Alive.....

Sorry kids. My lame ass really has no excuse. I did for a short time...right before Christmas our home computer putzed out, and my work laptop hadn't arrived yet. Then we went to Indianapolis to see family over the holidays. That was wonderful....nothing like having little kids around to make Christmas feel really special. And I got to bond with some of my family that I hadn't seen for eons. The only thing missing was snow. I should have packed some in my suitcase and taken it with me.

That reminds me...how's this for ludicrous? We checked our one, extremely large bag in, and it was over the 50 pound weight limit by 10 pounds. There was a $50 charge for the extra weight since we had literally no room to stash anything in our carry ons. I asked if they could accept the bag with no charge since we were checking only one bag for two people. The remarkably patient (given the whole blizzard pre-Christmas airport fiasco) United representative explained they could not do that as it was a safety issue for their employees loading baggage. Huh. Funny how they can overlook that safety issue if you hand them an extra fifty bucks, eh? Made me chuckle.

And since we got back home....well, I've just been lame. Ideas I've had for posts have remained in my head, lonely and unappreciated. But now I'm back with a vengeance.

So, if anyone still comes here, I've got a question for ya. I'm thinking of starting a MySpace page. I have a few friends that I could communicate with more if I actually did this. My question is, is it worth it? Will I get stalked by freaks? Is it hard to configure? Inquiring minds want to know.

Random 10

Sorry I've been so quiet, friends. Betwixt the new job and preparing for the holiday, I've nary a spare moment. These are the songs queued in iTunes at the moment:

Keep On Singin' My Song - Christina Aguilera
My Mind (Mindless Mix) - Ace of Base
Shoo-Fly Pie and Apple Pan Dowdy - June Christy
King of Swing - Big Bad Voodoo Daddy
Backwoods - Red Hot Chili Peppers
This Time of Year - Better Than Ezra
Shake a Leg - AC/DC
Brass in Pocket - Pretenders
Dracula's Wedding - Outkast
99 Luftballons - Nena

I hope to be more interesting soon. Post your random 10 at American Idle, or you'll have to spend all weekend at the mall caroling to frantic shoppers with a sign over your head that says "You're all a Bunch of Superficial Greedy Bastards."

Word of the day

Slackadaisical

Pronunciation: "sla-k&-'dA-zi-k&l
Function: adjective
Etymology: irregular from slack + lackaday + -ical

:lacking life, spirit, or zest when others think you are really being productive

The spousal unit is feeling slackadaisical. He's "telecommuting" while sitting on our couch watching Rome.

Miscellaneous

I have a whole weekend of blogslacking to make up for!

Friday evening we hosted an engagement party for some friends. THey are young, sweet, and adorably in love. We played in a home version of the Newlywed Game with them. You'd think that since we've been married for just over 5 years that we would have won, right? Wrong! We came in second - behind the engaged couple. I will say based pm his answers to the game that the guy seems a little, er, anally obsessed. Sometimes you learn a bit more about people that you ever hoped for.

Saturday night we saw the touring production of Sweet Charity, starring Molly Ringwald. Though I would have preferred to see the Broadway version with Christina Applegate, this was nice for a local show. I can't say that either Molly's dancing or singing abilities were phenomenal, but they were, as Lindsay Lohan says, adequite. My musical thirst has been quenched for the time being. And the spousal unit didn't even fall asleep.

Check out this video of Pauly Shore getting knocked out at a comedy club in Odessa, Texas. Real classy crowd they've got there. I'm certainly no huge Pauly fan (loved seeing him getting tossed out of the Playboy Mansion on Entourage), but jeez. Who feels like a big man because they can knock out this little twerp? That's west Texas for you. This got me thinking - is there a new class of bigots out there after the recent incidents with Michael Richards and Andy Dick? What should we call them - anti-comicites?

Random 10

Today I get the pleasure of copying my Random 10 from iTunes Party Shuffle playing through my desktop speakers. Just another reason why working from home is da bomb.

Fergie really shouldn't rap. I curse this first song for being the precursor to that lousy album she released on her own. Post yours here along with Cat, James, Chelene, and the rest of the gang, or this week it's Fergie rapping that I'll force you to listen to on repeat.

My Humps - Black Eyed Peas
Yesterdays - Guns N' Roses
Seed - Sublime
Bill Bailey, Won't You Please Come Home - Patsy Cline
Man Research (Clapper) - Gorillaz
Kickstand - Soundgarden
Praise You - Fat Boy Slim
Killer Queen - Queen
Dr. Lee, PhD - Beastie Boys
Dance of the Sugarplum Fairies - Tchaikovsky

I am the queen

I'm wrapping up my first day at the new job. People have been very welcoming and accomodating today. One person in particular seems to be going to lengths to help me get started so far, which is great because this guy seems to be a total rockstar.

And did I mention that I'm wearing cozy sweats and slipper socks that slowly release aloe onto my feet (it sounded so ludicrous I just had to buy some to give it a go, and they are super soft), have my dogs snoring at my feet, and have been able to check in to TMZ whenever I flippin feel like it? It's awesome.

On the down side, with the exception of the house cleaner making his biweekly visit, all my contact today was virtual. I did not speak to or see a single person. Of course, at my last job there seemed to be far too many days when the same thing happened, but in a building full of people. That's much more depressing than being at home.

An open letter to Ms. Paltrow

Gwynnie,

I don't care if you were bashing America or not. Given your propensity for it in your past as well as your hubby's constant spouting off about free trade while you push your ridiculously named children around in $5000 strollers, I wouldn't be suprised if you really did say what the Portuguese paper said you did. But...when Steven Spielberg is your godfather, you don't get to bitch about how Americans live to work. Not your problem, sweetie.

Read more about it (and see more of Britney Spears continuing to make an ass, errr, beaver, err....insert stupid animal name here of herself) at my latest favorite site, The Superficial.

This weeks Random 10

I really need to listen to Beck more often. The guy's a musical genius. And nothing like a Grinch tune to get you in the Christmas spirit!

The Gypsy Baron RV 511 - Einzugsmarsch: Strauss
You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch: Thurl Ravenscroft (had to look that up)
Under the Sun: Sugar Ray
Switch Opens: Soundgarden
I Love You: Sarah McLachlan
Evaporated: Ben Folds Five
New Realization: Sublime
High 5 (Rock the Catskills): Beck
Tired: Everlast
Store Bought Bones: The Raconteurs

Post yours along with the usual suspects here.

I'm off to Boston for the weekend for a whirlwind company meeting and holiday party for the new job. I don't even start until next Wednesday, but apparently it won't be a shindig unless my [sarcasm]illustrious, high-fallutin' ass[/sarcasm] is present. Have a good weekend everyone!

Word of the day

In case you didn't gather from the name of my blog (derived from the glorious "kerfuffle" in describing my two pooches), I like to make up words.

This morning on my way to work I came up with a real gem. While driving through an intersection on a busy road, I noticed what appeared at first glance to be a school bus that had broken down on the side of the road. But further examination revealed that it had gotten halfway around the corner to be held up by not only a stopped school bus in front of it headed in the same direction, but by another going the opposite direction that was boarding children. This seemed odd, as there was not a school in sight. And to top it all off, just past the intersection a city bus was also stopped to allow members of its herd to disembark.

It was a perfect busterfuck.

So I started gnawing on the classification of busterfucks. The most common type, I suspect, would be a homobusenous busterfuck. This would be where the buses all serve the same purpose and population, such as a school bus or a touring coach. I felt truly lucky then, to have sighted a multibustural busterfuck.

One doesn't often have the opportunity to observe busterfucks. I haven't ridden any sort of bus regularly since middle school, but even back then they seemed to move through the school parking lot in a mostly orderly and systematic fashion.

I suspect that Chelene could possibly see a busterfuck should she choose to venture over to the Port Authority bus terminal, as scary a place as any I've ever been. More concerning than the buses, though would be the patrons (and I use this term very loosely) of the bus terminal.

Chinese dogbloggin'

So it appears that in China dogs are becoming more than just coat trim or a late night snack for the masses. Due to rising wages, pet dog ownership is up. In Beijing this has resulted in a rabies problem due to the expense and hassle of keeping your pooch vaccinated. So how do officials decide to combat the problem? By imposing a limit of one small dog per household. Now, the one dog part I truly understand, especially in the second largest city in a country where you are penalized for having more than one child. I fail to perceive, however, why a small dog is less likely to have rabies than a larger dog. There has been one forced cull in the city this year. I think that the true logic behind the size limitation may be to make any future culls easier to implement should they become necessary.

Me no likey.

Kick off your Sunday shoes

So I think the kerpupples must have sat near me through one too many times of watching Footloose. Why in the world would I ever think this? Well, they don't like it when I dance. Ripley especially barks furiously at me anytime I spontaneously trip the light fantastic around the house. It's pretty entertaining, if a bit unsettling. Usually it will just encourage me to wiggle more enthusiastically and sing, to the tune of Safety Dance by that luminous one-hit-wonder Men Without Hats:

"I can dance if I want to, I can make my doggy bark..."

That's all I've come up with so far. If I were more clever and/or less lazy I'd complete the lyrics. Perhaps I'll put it on my to-do list.

The mother-in-law unit arrives tonight for Thanksgiving tomorrow. She will be the only one joining the spousal unit and me - a cozy little family gathering. I'm lucky that we get along so well. Most of the time I think she and I find more things to talk about than she and the spousal unit, her own son.

I got it

My extra week of vacation was agreed to. As soon as I have an offer letter in my grubby little hands, I can give notice. No more ending up on the HR watchlist because I google "Iraq death sentence" (the watchlist thing is purely theoretical, but those Google results are indeed blocked within our network, along with anything containing "gun", "ass" (which I just now tested out of curiosity), youtube, MySpace, TMZ.com, and multitudes of other interesting but nonproductive Internet uses).

Zippity do-dah!!!

Random 10 - best yet

This is my favorite random 10 I've posted so far. It wrapped with songs from 3 of my personal favorite CDs - Franz Ferdinand, White Blood Cells, and Fever In Fever Out. Add in a few more fab artists and some booty shakin' (which I am always down with), and you've got a sweet way to kick off Friday morning.

Here's the list:

Love Song for No One - John Mayer
Cherish the Day - Sade
Gimme the Car - Violent Femmes
Heart Attack Man - Beastie Boys
(Shake Shake Shake) Shake Your Booty - KC & the Sunshine Band
Hobbit on the Rocks - Toad the Wet Sprocket
Ruby Sees All - Cake
Michael - Franz Ferdinand
Why Do I Lie? - Luscious Jackson
I Think I Smell a Rat - White Stripes

Maybe the good list is an omen. I have a verbal job offer which I'm really excited about. The only details left to hash out are vacation (they offer 2 weeks to start, I want more). The position involves some travel, up to 30% with the possibility of some international. The remaining work would be done out of my home office. So I won't be behind this fascist firewall anymore and can actually look at the youtube videos when my fellow bloggers post them. Wish me luck!!!

Oh, and join Chelene, justacoolcat, James, and many other fun folks and post your Random 10 at American Idle. Do it, or I will come hold you down and force you listen to the best of Richard Marx on repeat!!!

Snap!!!!

I stole this shamelessly from the MSN gossip section:

Justin Timberlake is maintaining his perspective -- and crankypants demeanor with the paparazzi -- when it comes to Britney Spears' decision to hand Kevin Federline his walking papers. In video obtained by TMZ.com, the "Sexyback" crooner responds thusly when asked by a shutterbug this weekend in L.A. if he has any comment on his ex's marital meltdown: "Yeah, there's a war going on in Iraq."

Heh. He just keeps on dissing Brit, and I can't get enough!!!

Dogbloggin'

These are the kerpupples in the bathroom. They like the feel of the cool tile so this is a popular spot. Don't ask me why Roscoe chooses to wedge himself behind the toilet though. I'm suprised I captured this one - he usually slinks away if I approach him with a camera while he's lying in this compromised postion.

OJ, Rupert Murdoch, and Dan Abrams die...

and meet St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. He sends them straight to hell.

Have you heard this one? Well, it's not a joke. As if he couldn't get any more repulsive, OJ is starring in a new special on Fox News called "If I Did It", based on a book he just published. Apparently it details how he would have committed the murders of Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman - if he had committed the crime. If. Because, you see, he wasn't guilty. And I'm Cameron fucking Diaz. Even if that is, ahem, true, how disgusting and mind-blowingly insensitive is it to capitalize off this shit? I saw a quote from Goldman's dad on this that said he couldn't comment on it because he'd have to use profanity. I'm cleary not so restrained.

And where does Dan Abrams fit in? He was commenting about the situation on the Today show this morning, speaking of OJ's behavior in his typically chipper-yet-derisive manner. And at the end of the interview, he dropped the little nugget that he had a blurb published on OJ's book jacket. Yeah Dan - there's a nice toasty inferno in hell reserved for hypocritical publicity diggers like you.

Wicked queen update

I'm not feeling bad anymore about the woman who got fired on the same day I was having some work issues with her. This twit is incompetent as all get-out. She started the same day I did, and has been here about a year and 3 months. I found out from a mutual friend that she got 3 months severance pay.

I've been looking for a new job. I think I need to figure out how to get laid off right when I find something new I'm interested in. Suggestions, anyone?

Chad

Apparently the Dharfur genocide is spilling over the Sudan's borders into Chad. Why aren't we paying more attention to this? It really chaps my hide.

When I have more time I'll go into the stories the mother-in-law unit told us last night about her recent visit to South Africa (she grew up in Zambia and most of her family is now in SA). They left a pretty bad taste in my mouth.

Heh

I was at the bookstore yesterday, and saw a New Yorker cartoon that made me chuckle. I found it online but the greedy bastards at The New Yorker won't let you link to their images. Shame - it might help sell some mags, wouldn't ya think? Anyway, the image is of 2 dogs sitting facing each other, and the caption goes:

“I had my own blog for a while, but I decided to go back to just pointless, incessant barking.” by Alex Gregory

That's really all it is if we don't try to hear each other, isn't it?

It also reminded me that I need to make a post towards one of my original intents of this blog: dogbloggin'. I need to rant some more about my dear pooches.

Random 10

So I cheated and did this yesterday afternoon - I knew I'd be busy at a job interview this morning - more on this later.

I have a couple of comments on this round:

• I like Will Smith and Kelly Clarkson. I will make no apologies for this.
• 2 songs about mom - is this a hint? I called her recently, I promise! :) I truly love the Garnett Silk song - really need to pick up more of his music. Such a shame he's gone.

Chelene - I've got you beat - I got NIN and Prince this week!

5th Symphony - Beethoven
Sour Girl - STP
Star 69 - Fat Boy Slim
Momma Knows - Will Smith
Gotta Stop (Messin Around) - Prince
I Hate Myself for Losing You - Kelly Clarkson
Carrion - Fiona Apple
That's What I Get - Nine Inch Nails
Mama - Garnett Silk
Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy - Queen

Don't be a wuss - post your own! Check out American Idle, justacoolcat, Chelene, and James' lists for more musical goodness.

You've got a shot again, boys!

So Britney Spears filed for divorce from K-Fed today. Redneck teen lads across the country are salivating with desire, no doubt. I just have to ask you though, Brit - what finally pushed you over the edge? Was it his continually overspending his allowance? His intolerance for the pavarotti? Inquiring minds want to know.

Hearing this news reminded me of a passage that I just read in Brick Lane that made me chuckle. It's an excerpt from a letter from a destitute Muslim woman in Bangladesh to her sister in London:

You have seen this Britainy Spear? That more less how Lovely look. Rickshaw workshop make more carriage paint with this singer picture. It too suprising to me sometime how much like Bangla girl she look have long black hair and black eye.

Ha. Clearly they don't watch the VMAs in Dhaka.

How dare they

I'm one of those slightly demented animal lovers who doesn't blink an eye when a person dies in a movie, but if an animal even gets injured, I can't turn off the waterworks to save my life. Which is why this story about dead orangutans in Indonesia enrages me to no end. People killed the poor creatures as they were fleeing? Why? So they wouldn't eat their likely-to-be-destroyed-anyway crops? Acts that show such an utter lack of compassion never cease to amaze and horrify me.

On the bright side, my company was looking to purchase a paper production company in Indonesia earlier this year to help combat spiraling paper costs, but backed out of it. This is the most environmentally friendly place I've ever worked at, so I'd like to think that this as well as the slash-and-burn farming tactics used there contributed to that decision. Purse strings are overwhelmingly tight here at the moment, but I'm all for it if it helps combat such travesties.

Another blogging barrier busted

I must really be starting to matter in the blogosphere. I just received my first not-so-positive reference on someone else's blog as a result of this exchange (Prophet, I'd really love to hear you weigh in on this subject). People are going to start beating down my virtual door any minute, I just know it. Watch out Paris Hilton, you ain't got nothing on this publicity hound!

Suprise level? 0%

I found this quiz thanks to my friend the prophet. I had an idea what the results would be even before I saw the questions.

You Are Most Like Bill Clinton

No doubt, your legacy may be a little seedier than you'd like. But even though you've done some questionable things, you're still loved by almost all.

What Modern US President Are You Most Like?

Friday's random 10

I'm still reeling from the wacky day I had yesterday, so I don't have much clever to say about this week's random 10. Pretty clear that I like NIN and the Beastie Boys though, ain't it? And Alice in Chains appears to be subbing for PJ this week - I guess Vedder's hung over. Post yours too at American Idle, or be square (hey, I'm nice - a far worse fate awaits you if you visit justacoolcat and avoid the random 10)!

Real Thing - Alice in Chains
Root Down (Pp Balloon Mix) - Beastie Boys
Feelin' the Same Way - Norah Jones
Video Killed the Radio Star - The Buggles
Start Again - Death Cab for Cutie
Heavenly Action - Erasure
Warsaw - Joy Division
American Music - Violent Femmes
Even Deeper - Nine Inch Nails
As Heaven is Wide - Garbage

My alter-ego - the Wicked Queen

I found out at the end of the day that some interactions I had with a colleague helped contribute to her being fired today. Nothing specific about today, I don't think, but it was just the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. This chick was a twit with a capital T, and it's going to be much easier to get my job done without her. Wish things could have worked out without her getting canned, though.

Snow Harlot

How dare she? A lovely, innocent child's story, transformed into a lewd Halloween getup. The travesty!!!

Nah....actually I liked the hottie costume. Usually I go for funny. This was a fun change.

There was a guy at the wedding in Vegas who saw this picture on my camera and kept coming up to me and asking if he could show it to other wedding guests. Tee hee.

Vegas, baby

Hey kids. Sorry for not announcing - I went on hiatus because I attended a hipster Halloween wedding in Vegas. The spousal unit was the best man. I'll definitely post pics - you don't see this sort of wedding every day.

The happy time warp got Jacked

Below is my Random 10 for the day. Check out more at American Idle.

I had somewhat of a theme going on. Retro, cheery, airy stuff. Yes, I am calling classical and opera retro, thankyouverymuch. Even the NIN that came on was circus-y and happy sounding, no small feat for Mr. Reznor. But then Jack Johnson came in and tried to spoil the mood. Thankfully, some disco and Depeche Mode wrapped to save the day.

1. Best Disco in Town - The Ritchie Family
2. La Bamba - Los Lobos
3. The Swan Lake Suite - Tchaikovsky by Bavarian Radio Symphony
4. Just a Test - The Beastie Boys
5. Pilgrimage - Nine Inch Nails
6. Nessun Dorma - Tito Beltran
7. Uptown - Prince
8. Posters - Jack Johnson
9. I Love the Nightlife - Alicia Bridges
10.Just Can't Get Enough - Depeche Mode

Bully

Does anyone else besides me ever wonder if Rush Limbaugh used to taunt the misfits when he was a child? Just asking.

Pesky feets

Today I've come to a depressing conlusion. I can no longer wear cheap shoes.

In my mere 33 years, I have already been plagued with plantar warts (not since college, thank heavens) flat feet (though frankly my arches seem to have become slightly more pronounced over the years), occasional bouts of plantar fasciitis, and most recently, growing bunions. The fasciitis first occured about 4 years ago, and since then I've purchased my athletic and specifically running shoes very carefully.

Lately the bunions have been nattering at me. At a towering 5'10", I didn't have the confidence to wear heels much until about 5 years ago. I think the combination of higher heels, flat feet, and genetics have caused the bunions to grow, especially on my right foot. I knew I should pay more attention to it when they even started hurting while I was exercising in my expensive sneakers. I'd almost come to the conclusion that I may have to give up heels nearly altogether, but today I'm wearing some very well-made high-heeled boots that I picked up at a steal from the Nordstrom Half-Yearly sale, and the feets are fine. Given, I've also been massaging the bony masses and doing toe exercises, but I think the nicer shoes do help.


So while there will always be exceptions made for shoes like flip-flops, I think I'm going to need to stick to well-made shoes like those recommended by the Manolo from now on if I don't want my feets to end up looking like these. Sniff.

Casabloggin'

I was ambling around the house the other day and felt an urge to capture all the colors the spousal unit and I have painted our house recently. So...sit back and enjoy the splash of color that follows. First, the master bedroom. Like the curtains we use to separate the master bath?

Next, the guest bathroom. I LOOOOVE pink. Unfortunately since I don't have any kids, I can't paint a daughter's room rosy. Enter the guest bathroom. I picked out the colors to match the knobs on the cabinets. The colors provide a lovely environment in which to apply your makeup, and I think the green rugs give a nice botanic feel.


Next we move into the guest bedroom. This is definitely a love-it or hate-it color. A friend who saw the room for the first time on Saturday deemed it hideous. The original color was too bright for even my taste, which is how it ended up with the cloudy faux finish. I'm pleased with the end result, and think it will make a lovely bedroom color for a baby boy or a girl. The painting on the right is precious as it was painted by my mother when she was in high school. The girl's got talent!

Finally, we go downstairs and see four colors at once. On the left we have the chestnut color I used to sponge off of the dijon in our art niches. Centered in the frame is our powder room. I chose this color, named Fresh Olive, as a neutral that would set off all our tchatchkes the spousal unit and I have acquired on our travels that provide the decorative theme for the room (the painting peeking out into the door frame is from Jamaica). On the right we see my home office. This color choice was inspired by a pumpkin-colored home I used to drive by on my commute as well as by my reading that orange stirs creativity. I remember how depressed I was when I took my current job where I sit in a cubicle instead of being able to work from this lovely room. And framing these three colors is the dijon that covers all the common areas of the house.

Random 10

Entertaining the in-laws, so more on this later. Anybody who can name the real Shoo Fly Pie artist wins a prize.

1. Jacqueline - Franz Ferdinand
2. Mudkicker - Skid Row
3. Black & White - Sarah McLachlan
4. Original of the Species - U2
5. Natural Blues - Moby
6. Shoo Fly Pie and Apple Pan Dowdy - Various Artists?
7. To Your Love - Audioslave
8. Best of My Love - The Eagles
9. W.M.A. - Pearl Jam
10. Burning Up - Kylie Minogue

Bad news bears

Thought I'd post a group pic of the softball team taken last week. Tonight is our last game of the season. Betcha can't guess which troublemaker is me? :)

Also kicking off a long weekend with the in-laws tonight. The spousal unit's sister and her kids are probably not going to make it - his nephew got attacked by the neighbor's dog right before they were to leave so they had to take him to the hospital instead of catching their flight. That bums us both out - they are great kids.

Pummeled off the deep end

We've all known for some time that Mike Tyson ain't quite all there. Rape charges. Bitten ears. Maori tattoos. But now he's taken it one further. Seems like ole Mikey has had enough of batting women around in his personal life, and wants to do it inside the ropes instead. Good look finding a willing opponent, Mike.

I had a quiet weekend as the spousal unit jetted off to a bachelor party in Philadelphia. Had I known I would be treated with lovely stories of bare asses being rubbed on his crotch upon his return, I might have been a little more supervisory regarding the details of the evening. On the homefront things were much more tame. Saturday I touched up spots from our grand whole-house painting extravaganza over the summer (need to post pics), and that evening I went to a corn maze and haunted house with some friends. It was a great haunted house - I think we're going to take the spousal unit's nephew who will be in town this weekend.

Random 10 - 90s mainstream

I realize in looking at the other Random 10 lists that Corey at American Idle has posted that my taste in music is pathetically mainstream. Here's my list, set primarily in the 90s:

1. Same in the End - Sublime
2. Fumbling Towards Ecstasy - Sarah McLachlan
3. So What'cha Want - Beastie Boys
4. Three Marlenas - Wallflowers from Peak Tracks Live
5. Start Again - Death Cab for Cutie
6. Come to My Window - Melissa Etheridge
7. Kinda I Want To - Nine Inch Nails
8. Any Way You Want It - Journey
9. I Belong to You - Lenny Kravitz
10.Jeremy - Pearl Jam

Working my way back to food, yeah...

With a burning love inside! Thank you, Frankie Valli. 13 pounds!!!!

Last night before softball I had a blueberry smoothie and a banana for dinner. That worked out great, wasn't shaky or weak at all for the game, which we still lost. Afterwards we went to the bar, where I pushed it and had not one but two vodka tonics as well as munching on a few fries. At home I had a carrot before bed but I awoke with a nasty tummyache. I knew I should have held off until next week on the booze.

Two of our teammates are single, one of them recently so. Over the past couple of weeks they've been suspected to be hooking up but have been fairly clandestine about it. Last night at the bar they didn't give any overt verbal confirmation, but it was obvious by their body language and bits of their conversation that it was happening. In my weakened state that left me far more vulnerable than normal to both the relaxation of inhibitions and desire to make mischief, I decided I needed to out them. After silently scheming for a few moments, I went into action. They were both stressed and complaining about the errors they'd made during the game. So I said, "Hey you two - you just need to do what we do when we make a mistake during the game...I think you two can back me up here", gesturing to the other couple at the table who were also highly suspicious of secret nookie. "You just blame it on the fact that you got nervous because you're nailing one of your teammates."

They both turned a brighter shade of red than I've seen since I ate a tomato picked from the plant that James gave me. I think the guy screwed up on his reaction though. He denied it...for a bit too long. I might have been a bit offended if I were his....girlfriend? Friend with benefits? Fuck buddy? Who knows what to call it these days.

Real food...sorta

Today I'm eating again! My breakfast - a tomato and a slice of watermelon. I have to gradually go back to normal foods so I don't shock my poor digestive system. So this was not juice - but just barely. I'm doing a company lunch at On the Border and am a little nervous about what they'll have that I can consume at this point. I think a pile of nachos might make my tummy do the lambada.

I have an interview with a former boss next Monday. I've been ambivalent about working for this company based on a few issues I've had with some of their philosophies, but some friends have been working there for awhile and seem to really like it. Not to mention that this place got listed by Inc magazine as the 87th fastest growing business in the country. Wish me luck!

Feelin' blue

Bad night last night. Sitting here working, listening to Death Cab for Cutie.

Any other suggestions for blue music are much appreciated.

On the bright side - today I'm down 12 pounds. My 7 for all Mankind jeans fit me again!

I could win!

Still doing great in the office football pool this week. KC didn't let me down yesterday after all, so I'm on a perfect track record at the moment. Others are too, so here's how it breaks down. I win some money this week if Baltimore wins and the total score is between 25 and 36. If Denver wins, the score has to be between 26 and 29. Wish me luck!

I tried to work a tiny bit of coffee in today. Mixed about 1/4 regular and 3/4 decaf, added sugar but no cream. Tummy no likey. Over the weekend I did have a teeny bit of diet Coke with no trouble, so it must be something specific to the coffee that's not necessarily caffeine related.

It's supposed to snow tonight. Sigh. Our autumn is so brief here.

Imagine...

You're a female. It's that time of the month. You're bloated and cramping like you're going into labor. The lovely pharmaceuticals that make this day so much more bearable are off limits to you, as are the comfort foods that help you forget about the pain. You have to just muscle through it.

That was me yesterday. My poor spousal unit.

I've decided that this fast is going to last 10 days instead of 14. I've woken up hungry yesterday and today, and though that always passes, I want to chew on something, dammit. I'm down 10 pounds. I'm hoping that after 10 days and the few where I have to work back up to normal foods, it will be more like 15. That'll be fantabulous.

Having a banner day in my office football poll. Only KC seems to be letting me down so far.

I think now I'll go take the kerpupples for a walk by the lake. I have to spell out w-a-l-k if I mention it earlier in the day or they go insane and won't stop bugging me until I actually take them.

Bad dogs, bad juice, and the random 10

The two kerpupples are BAD. For years I have had to be sure to bury my underwear in the hamper so that they wouldn't become a doggy snack. Well, they've branched out. The spousal unit is not so careful about storing his dirty boxers, and the dogs have found a new taste for them. AND...this morning I found that they'd chewed the fastener of of my $45 VS Ipex bra. On the bright side, I guess it will force us to be cleaner.

No additional weight loss today - still down 9 pounds. I guess my metabolism is slowing down. I played softball last night and was pretty wobbly after I had to run bases, but I did OK.

Here's my random 10 for the day - check out more at American Idle. We started with some funk, added a dash of bluegrass, a pinch of grunge, and a side of punk. Interesting theme of titles though - I'm not THAT bummed that I didn't get the DC job, really! ;)

Can You Hear Me - Missy Elliott w/ TLC
Straight Cold Player - Lenny Kravitz
Troubles - Alicia Keys
The Rooster - Outkast
Keep on the Sunny Side - The Whites
Something Must Break - Joy Division
Nothingman - Pearl Jam
Must Get Out - Maroon 5
Wasting Time - Collective Soul
Paddle Out - Sublime

Rejection

It sucks. I had a job interview in the DC area last Friday. Not getting an offer. I'm confused because what they said they wanted turns out to be not what they really wanted. I have what they really wanted too, but was focusing on what they said they wanted.

Oh well - on to the next opportunity!

On the bright side - I'm down 9 pounds today.

I swore it was exit only...

But yesterday, I succumbed to the enema required by my juice fast. It was most foul - you don't really need any more information about the actual event than that. I felt a little sore last night as I was going to sleep. I hope that doesn't last.

Today I'm down 7 pounds, and haven't felt much hunger at all. I have had a dull headache most of the day, which is a side effect from beginning to detoxify. Here's today's menu:

Morning and snack: pineapple watermelon with a splash of pomegranate
Lunch: carrot and sweet potato (sounds icky but was actually quite tasty)
Dinner: think I'll do asparagus, celery, tomato, cucumber, and garlic, with a dash of salt, pepper, and tabasco.

Check out this bullshit. The spousal unit worked with one of these wingnut Christians. It's FANTASY, people, not Wicca....and very morally friendly fantasy at that. How in the hell do you call it anti-Christian? And what's next...Tolkien? These are the type of right-winged, intolerant Christians that give proper Christ lovers a bad name. I wish they would show some reason, like this guy. Personally, I think that moderate Christians should tell these folks to shut the bleep up, much the same as I believe moderate Muslims should police the fundamentalist terrorists that has the West quaking in our boots. Thankfully the Jerry Falwell types don't kill anyone though - they usually just make asses of themselves.

Sean...

Get off your lazy ass and BLOG! I IM'ed with you, I know you have your computer hooked up in your new digs, dammit.

Day 2

I made it through my first day of juice fasting! The hunger was actually not terrible yesterday. My boss was eating some Del Taco, and I swear it smelled like dog food. I did get this funky lightheaded buzz in the afternoon that was actually sorta cool. And I stopped at Wild Oats after work to get some nut milk (almond and hazelnut), some fasting tea to curb appetite, and some No-chicken broth. I think this will be much better than, say, the cabbage soup diet for variety.

On the menu today:

Breakfast and snack - watermelon pomegranate
Lunch - carrot pear
Dinner - tomato, bell pepper, and asparagus

I also forgot to mention the nasty part of the diet. You're not consuming solids, hence neither are you excreting solid waste. But there's still crud up in there that needs flushed - so you have to give yourself enemas. I get to deal with that this evening. Yipee.

But guess what? It's only been a day, and I'm down 5 pounds!!!

Juice fast

Tomorrow I'm starting a juice fast. No solid food, and nothing but fresh squeezed juice. I'm shooting to stick with it for 10-14 days. My goals are weight loss, detoxification, and possibly clearing up of some skin issues and hay fever. This is a picture of all the fruits and veggies I've washed and laid out for tomorrow. On the menu is:

Breakfast - apple pear grape juice
Early afternoon - carrot celery juice
Late afternoon - more apple pear grape
Evening - bell pepper, tomato, cucumber, and asparagus juice

I have to do one strictly green juice per day, recommended in the evening.

A friend lost 30 pounds (though he did it for 3 weeks) and doesn't have to get allergy shots anymore. So I'm optimistic, though I know the first 2 or 3 days will be pure hell. I'll keep you posted.

Oh - and I can also drink water, herbal teas, and very occasionally, nut milks.

Random 10

I'm going to copy my buddy James today and post the Random 10 songs from my iPod. Today it did a very strange thing - it skipped to the same CD - twice. Not overly random, but I was happy to hear Used to Love her as it is one of my favorite G N' R tunes.

I also have to insert the disclaimer that I ripped a bunch of random CDs from a friend with very questionable taste in music. As penance, I forced myself to listen to the entire song. But hey...at least I didn't buy a pair of her boots. ;)

Here they are:

You're Crazy - Guns N' Roses (acoustic version from G N' R Lies)
Used to Love Her - Guns N' Roses
Everyday See You - Jessica Simpson
Rapsodia - Andrea Bocelli
Saint Joe on the School Bus - Marcy Playground
The Right Profile - The Clash
See You - Depeche Mode
Something - The Beatles
The Line Begins to Blur - Nine Inch Nails
Romanza - Andrea Bocelli

Praise (insert deity here)

I was having a mini freak-out today....I thought I lost HotPod! I'd best explain...HotPod is what I named my video iPod. The spousal unit originally bought me the iPod photo, which I christened MyPod. That puppy fritzed out less than a month after the warranty expired. Fortunately the folks at Apple were very generous, and replaced it anyway - with a refurbished video iPod! I was so thrilled that I had to give this one a sexier name...hence, HotPod.

Fortunately, a search unearthed HotPod in the glove compartment of my car. Phew!!!!!

Might be moving further east...more on that after this Friday.

Home again, jiggity jig

I'm back. The drinking streak has been extended to 8 days, and will continue tonight. After that I'm shutting it down - my poor body needs to recuperate.

Wicked bad hair

Oh, the joy of being a tech geek. This is what I encountered in one of my conference sessions today. Man, my cell phone camera sucks. But this is a balding, curly, red-haired mullet in a ponytail. So much ugliness all rolled up into one!

Oyyyyyyy

I've been drunk for the past 6 days. Ouch. My dear friend chelene is right - alcohol should not be free. Especially when you're expected to "work" the next day.

On the plus side, I may have E. Coli.

Crossed legs, bulging toes, and jiggly bellies

I ran across this story yesterday. Colombian wives and girlfriends of criminals are imposing a sex ban on their men to try to get them out of the gangster life. I think this is a fresh, fabulous approach that just might work if the women maintain a united front. The catch is that I think there will always be women out there drawn to that sort of man.

Speaking of crossed legs, I've come up with a poll. Which do you think is worse - camel toe or muffin top? If you're confused, I've included pictures of both.


I call this masterpiece "Kim-el Toe"


The NY Daily News hates muffin top too!

Personally I vote for muffin top. Not because it has a higher ick factor, but because it seems to be much more rampant and because actual flesh (that should be hidden) is exposed.

Oh, and you gotta check out cameltoe.org. It's heeelarious as well as equal opportunity for men and women. And as Kimmie illustrates above, they've got some classic celebrity shots. Who knew Dick Cheney should really be called Balls Cheney?

New yoga

So the yoga instructor I'd been going to for the past 2 years no longer teaches at my gym. She claims it's because she's going to massage school and doesn't have time, but I suspect that she's picking up more classes at the yoga studio she also teaches at and is making more money. And I can hardly blame her. I'd follow her there, but I ain't driving all the way down to Cherry Hills, even if John Elway might show up.

So this meant I needed to find a new studio. I kicked the idea of Bikram around, but am a little hesitant as I tried it once and found it very intense. As luck would have it, I found a flyer at work on our discounts table for a studio nearby that would let me try my first class for free. I went tonight, and it was great! I think I'll go back.

But I'm still bummed about having to shell out extra money to continue to practice. I got spoiled having such a good instructor at my gym. Pout.

OK, it's kitschy, it's teenage, and it's a little bit silly. But I have to admit...Justin Timberlake rocks my world. I've preordered his latest CD from iTunes and am anxious to go download it this evening.



I think that JT's falsetto crooning evokes memories of swooning over Michael Jackson during the Thriller days. I used to watch MTV vigilantly, awaiting the next time they would play the Thriller video. Thank heaven the voice is where the similarities end. Trying to picture Cameron Diaz dating MJ - nuh uh!!! Well, maybe MJ as he was on Thriller - pre super-freak (though just barely).

The Barney's warehouse sale

First off...the timing. This sale happens twice a year every February and August. I understand that the most excellent goodies get picked over the first day - there was a Will & Grace episode about it and from what I can tell it probably wasn't too far off - people snatching things out of each others' hands, etc. It was winding down when I got there on August 31st. The good news about that? Additional markdowns.

Next...the location. It's not at the main Barney's uptown on Madison but down in what is normally their Co-op store on 17th in Chelsea. It really did look like a warehouse to me, so I have a hard time picturing what the Co-op normally looks like. We were guided in by employees who handed us flyers reminding us that shoplifters would be prosecuted. The womens' stuff was upstairs and the mens' in the basement. The spousal unit went down to the basement but was quickly overwhelmed and adjourned to a nearby bar where I would join him for $1.50 celebratory happy hour beers (never EVER did I believe we'd find such a bar in oh-so-gay Chelsea). I never made it out of the womens' department.

And now the best part...the goodies. Upon entering the womens' section, one descends upon racks and racks of shoes. Oh, glorious shoes! Upon finding my size, I quickly noticed lovely pairs of Christian Louboutin, Marc Jacobs, Manolo Blahnik, etc.... Alas, even at half off the prices still seemed too steep. As I simpered away towards the clothing section, I noticed the sign that would forever change my shoe-owning experience - additional 50% off all shoes! Glory be. I rescoured the racks and piled up a pair of Louboutin pink metallic heels, Casadei pale blue and tan kitten heels, and Manolo Blahnik pink ankle strap ballerina flats. Even at $90 I couldn't talk myself into ANOTHER pair of pink metallic shoes that were quite as high as the Louboutins, so those were the first to go back. This left the Manolos and the Casadeis. Even though they were a deal, I had just arrived in NYC and decided that other bargains likely awaited me and that the Casadeis were not quite snobby enough, so I abandoned them as well. This left me with my sole purchase of the day - my very first pair of Manolo Blahniks, at the bargain price of $130. Carrie Bradshaw would be so proud of me!

I did move on to the clothing, where my size had been pretty well picked over. I was feeling very envious of you petite gals out there, especially when I saw all the glorious bargains to be had on Blue Cult, Chip & Pepper, True Religion, and Seven for all Mankind jeans in smaller sizes. I managed to find a Marc Jacobs top and a Diane von Furstenburg dress that piqued my interest, and decided to try them on. I had been warned ahead of time that the warehouse sale has no dressing rooms, so I retreated to the most remote corner of the store, where mirrors, madly disrobing female shoppers, and salesclerks who shooed away men wandering into the area were congregated. As they say, when in Rome.... I stripped off my top, but these designer duds were not destined to accompany me back to Colorado.

Upon meeting up with the spousal unit I informed him of the additional markdowns. He seemed bummed that a pair of Armani slacks he'd admired were not actually $200 but $100. I think he's still upset we didn't go back for them.

(Mis)adventure at the VMAs

So whilst in NYC last week, we discovered that we had arrived on the day that MTV was holding the VMAs at Radio City Music Hall, which happened to be a block from our hotel.

After spending some glorious time at the Barney's warehouse sale in Chelsea (a shopping Mecca that is fodder for its own thread entirely) and downing a couple $1.50 beers (I didn't think they were that cheap in Manhattan, ever) at a nearby happy hour, we headed back to the room to change before meeting a friend for dinner and noticed that the limos were starting to arrive. The spousal unit wanted none of it, and I didn't need to shower, so I decided to go on the prowl while he got ready.

The best part happened before I even got past the first barricade - I saw Nick Lachey drive by in a Town Car. Everyone was screaming and leering - the teenage boy next to me lamented not shouting out "dude, you had sex with Jessica Simpson!" I bet Nick wished he'd gotten the Town Car with the full tint. He was sure a little hottie in his white t-shirt.

Upon encountering the first barricade, I noticed that it was barring the entrance to a Barnes and Noble. I asked the police officer if he would let me past to go to the bookstore, and he obliged. Ha!

After purchasing a tabloid rag (I didn't want to be accused of not really wanting to BUY anything there), I darted out the door in the opposite direction of the barricade towards the street onto which all the limos, Escalades, etc. were turning onto to release their precious celebrity cargo.

I got as far as the end of this block and hit another barricade guarded by a less naive civil servant. However, he was allowing people to linger outside the barricade. Luckily some of my fellow gawkers were significantly younger than me, or else I'd have had no idea who was going past me. I managed to see:

Panic at the Disco (cheeseheads had a huge sign on the front of their white old-style limo)
John Legend
Russell Simmons
Steve-O from Jackass (again, thank you youngsters)
Usher
Beyonce. Well, not really. But I did see the side of her black SUV.

At this point I decided I was on the wrong side of the streed to get a decent view, and decided to cross. This led to the demise of my adventure. The cops on the other side were much less tolerant and shooed me along. I then decided to dart into the Kenneth Cole store in the corner, and ogled a bit from inside, but after strange looks from the salespeople and a less than satisfying view I again decided to move on. I continued North on 5th Avenue and walked past another barricade, behind which I could actually see the red carpet. Oh, so close!!! There was actually a gap in this barricade, but when I attempted to step through, one of the tragically hip youngsters standing on the inside of it cried out "Oh no, honey, you can't come in HERE". I think I could have talked my way past this fashionista/bodyguard, but since I was wearing neither haute nor street couture I opted to again keep going.

At the end of that block, I was told I had to turn around and go back the other way. So I did. But halfway BACK down the previous block a female police officer told me I couldn't go that way either. Frustrated and ready to end my VMA misadventure, I not-so-politely informed her that her colleague at the end of the street had informed me otherwise. This caused Ms. NYPD to get all up in my grill. Sigh. Not wanting to see the inside of a Manhattan jail, I decided to obey Ms. NYPD and headed back in my original direction and ultimately back to my room.

But it was fun while it lasted.