On the upside

Not being pregnant yet means the following:

• The spousal unit and I can squeeze in a SCUBA certification class and do our open water cert dive when we are in St. Maarten in less than 2 weeks.


• I don't have to drink virgin umbrella drinks while we're there.


• I won't be in the last stage of my pregnancy during the dog days of summer.


• We can now definitely make a trip to Orlando with the niece and nephew in July.


• Delaying morning sickness - yipee!

We spoke to the doctor yesterday and are planning to start another IVF cycle right away. There are plans in place to change the protocol in order to increase our chances.

Apparently even though Fergus and Fergalina looked all nice and symmetrical, they really didn't stand much of a chance. At their stage of development they should have been 8-10 cells instead of 6. So those two just weren't meant to be babies.

Update

Didn't work. Got the call this morning. I'm not pregnant.

So it looks like the fertility posts continue.

Merry Christmas everyone! I probaby won't be back until Thursday.

A first peek

Here you go. The spousal unit has dubbed them Fergus and Fergalina. I'm letting him have his fun for now.

This is what they looked like shortly before being transferred back into me first thing on Thursday morning. 6 cells each, nice size and form. That procedure was a breeze, except....

I had to drink 32 ounces of water 1 1/2 hours before the procedure. Had to hold onto it until they were done. You should have seen me fly off the table into the bathroom when the timer went off. I looked like a star sprinter.

And a parting gift...the little fellas in their new home. I've circled where they were the doc said they were, in between 2 white air bubbles.

Easter in December

I apologize for not inviting you to the egg hunt. It happened inside my ovaries on Monday at my doctor's office. Lucky doc found 20 eggs!

So of those 20:

8 = immature
5 = duds (sperm injected but did nothing)
1 = freak of nature (fertilized, started growing irregularly)
2 = slowpokes (fertilized, not dividing yet)
4 = frontrunners (fertilized, 2 cells as of midnight)

I get to see video of the frontrunners tomorrow right before they shove 2 of them back in. The other 2, if they are still good, get to take a little nap in the freezer.

Come visit on Christmas Eve. That's when I find out if things took.

Play Along - Drink Most Foul

I've come up with a game. Please play with me.

The game is to invent a disgusting drink (alcoholic preferred but non will do) and come up with a name for it. This should provide loads of easy entertainment for simple-minded people like me.

I'll start.

Double Fountain - prune juice & tequila

UPDATES:
Swamp Water - wheatgrass and tequila, by Cat
Teeter Totter - Red Bull and Nyquil by Mur
Bubble Vision - Dish detergent and absinthe by Metro
Licorice Margarrhea - tequila, sambuca and Pepto Bismol by Beckeye

Keep 'em coming kids. Good stuff! Perhaps we'll put these on the menu when the spousal unit opens his bar.

Thank God for dead racoons

Headed out for the daily mail retrieval, kerpupples in tow. I haven't mentioned it yet, but the latest round of injections have me feeling like pure, unadulterated crap. And I'm getting a cold too. So I wasn't entirely with it when we ventured out.

Sasha spent yesterday sleeping and lounging, recovering from several days at the kennel. Today she's gotten her spirit back. All it took was a tired Slave to flub the leash when trying to switch it between hands, and she was off like the hellion she usually is.

I called her sweetly to no avail, and ended up chasing her all around the lake. The other 2 dogs joined me in pursuit.

Ripley managed to catch up with Sasha, and they had a fine time chasing the geese into the middle of the lake. But they made it back to shore and Sasha sashayed off before I could catch up.

My saving grace? They encountered the carcass of a racoon on the path. It's head was creepily, perfectly preserved. Sasha tried to grab it and run off with it but it proved too awkward. I waited near the treasure, and sure enough, she couldn't stay away. I snatched up her leash when she returned and started towards home, cursing and scolding her profusely.

She managed to snatch up what looked like a femur or a lesser leg bone as we left. I had to pry it out of her mouth before she could start crunching on it.

Most excellent timing

Last night I headed to the mall with a list of items to pick up in hand. One such item, a bra of a particular brand, could only be found at Nordstrom.

I parked outside Nordstrom and attempted to enter to find the doors locked. How odd! Another patron who walked by informed me that they were having "a special event" but it didn't start until 7.

So I went in another entrance and decided to acquire the rest of the things I needed first. I accomplished this task in nearly record time. I headed back to Nordstrom's mall entrance only to find it locked up. Huh?

I left through another store and noticed a sign outside Nordstrom's door. It said to please use the north entrance. Intrigued, I headed north.

Outside the north entrance sat a woman at a table with a list. It felt like trying to get into an exclusive club. The woman informed me that they were holding a "special event" (so much vaguery - I half wondered if there was to be an execution inside). When I asked if I could enter to purchase something, I was added to the list as a write-in and shown through the door.

Behold! Hors d'ouvres! Wine! Beer! Martinis! And I hadn't eaten dinner yet. What luck!

I bumped into an old friend inside who'd actually been invited to the shindig, apparently held for Nordstrom's big spenders. Funny story - my friend needed a fair amount of frequent flyer miles to book a trip to South America. So she buys a $10,000 pair of earrings, books the trip with the miles, and then returns the earrings. Quite ingenious.

Today I realized how fortuitous my timing actually was. My "egg retrieval" cycle starts today. That means no booze for the next month, or more like the next year if things go as hoped.

All hail Nordstrom.

Nobody's a-readin' the blaaaaaaaaaah-g

And why would they be? I'd need to squeeze some time outta nowhere in order to create some interesting posts. So here's some nutshells:

Injections: not-so-bad - YET

Thanksgiving: California, ham (I know, a travesty!), bacar, walking along Lake Chabot

Work: grrrrrrrrr

Kerpupples: missed-em-oh-so-much

New blogsession: The Daily Coyote

And a shout out to metro and cat (I love your blog name) for stopping by recently. Always happy to see a new friendly face.

And so it begins...

Today I start the official treatment for my IVF cycle.

I guess I've technically already started. I've been on the pill for about a month to "quiet my reproductive system". Today the magic ultrasound probe confirmed - I have calm ovaries.

So now I get to start the daily injections.

You should see the box of drugs that showed up at my house. I feel like I could open my own pharmacy. Pills and vials and creams, oh my! Some even need stored in the refrigerator. And if I happen to lose my job, I could make some green by keeping junkies in needles for a comfy amount of time.

I also have to take a low-dose aspirin daily. Of course I got the baby-aspirin branded version, cherry flavor to be precise. You have to take those throwbacks to childhood where you can get them.

A friend suggested I get weekly massages to help make the process easier. I think that's a damn grand idea.

Odds and ends

Strange sighting the other day. A teenage boy, dressed like a trenchcoat mafia member, riding a Segway on the sidewalk along a busy suburban road. Do you think it was his grandmother's?

Don't ever wake a dog up in the middle of a vigorous dream! I made the mistake of doing so to Sasha the other day and she tried to bite me. She just sat there looking befuddled for another hour or so after that. I'd wondered a few weeks ago whether dogs understand the concept of dreams. I'd now guess they don't.

Another fun show I'll have to miss

Next week on the day we fly to California for Turkey day, Juliette and the Licks are playing a show at a small venue here.

Tickets are only $15. That's well worth seeing the freakshow of a performance the ex-almost-Mrs.-Pitt will put on. Have you seen her costumes? Girlfriend goes on stage wearing an indian chief headdress.

Of course, folks like justacoolcat may be at risk of getting a stiffy.

Consistency, please?

Is that too much to ask?

Freakin' garbage collectors.

One week they come at 7:15 AM, the next they come at 11 AM.

Oh, and if you try to run after them to get them to come back? You KNOW they see you. But they always keep going.

Jerks.

I guess if I had to do that for a living I'd be a dickhead too.

Decaffing

So in honor of the upcoming fertility procedures and the anticipated pregnancy, I'm cranking down the caffeine. I usually have 2 cups of coffee in the morning and an iced tea or a soda during the day. I've changed the coffee routine. I'll still have 2 cups, but I'm brewing a mixture of half regular, half decaf. I'll be buying decaf soda.


It's funny - I don't have any other addictions. But I'm not looking forward to this.

Be forewarned - any crankity posts are likely being generated primarily by caffeine deprivation.

I could also have a tendency to dozzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Ergh, see, it's happening already!!!

If I could bottle this and sell it....

I'd never have to work again.



I suspsect many a meth lab operator has had similar designs.

That rug downstairs never manages to stay straight with this bunch in the house.

Dogdial

I could set my watch by Ripley.

I started a ritual some months back of taking the dogs to go get the mail (our mailbox is down the street) every afternoon at 3 PM. This was a good point to break up the afternoon of drudgery work and late enough to ensure our mail carrier has been here.

So at some point I stopped having to call the dogs for our daily diversion. Ripley would show up next to my desk very near 3 o'clock, ears perked staring up at me expectantly.

So today at 5 til 2, she does the same thing. I chide her for being early, and then I realize that my dog's body clock does not observe the switch from Daylight Savings to Standard time.

The whole routine is repeated at 6 PM for doggy chow.

LOLDogs

Watch out, Paris and Lindsay!

Check out this little hottie.

It's my niece. She's 4.

Looks older though, doesn't she? She's got the hip jut and the half-smile mastered already. I don't envy being her parents when she gets into her teens.

Happy Halloween!

From the spidery witch

and the devil dog

Taking prophylactics (sorta) seriously....

Tee hee...

She's Alive!

Wish we could say the same for the Rockies. Touché, Red Sox, you are truly the better team.

I'm making my way down recovery road. Doc found a bunch of polyps in addition to my adhesions so a complete D&C was performed to get everything the heck outta Dodge. Pain hasn't been too terrible - no Vicodin at all today.

Halloween costume turned out well. I was happy with the dress, though not with the size of its wearer. Pictures to follow.

The south of the Slave

And not the slaves of the south. Check out the pictures on my Jefferson Davis link on the previous post. How many black folks do you think Confederate Memorial Day draws?

But I digress.

We're talking about my south end.

Tomorrow I go in for outpatient surgery. In the screening process for IVF the doctor found a uterine adhesion - a small piece of scar tissue connecting my uterine walls. They need to remove it before we can go forward with IVF.

I'm told it's an easy procedure, and that I'll be pain-free by Saturday. I sure hope so, because we have Halloween plans. I sewed myself a costume, and it turned out much better than those horrible pants. Pictures are forthcoming.

But if I'm not pain-free, I'm armed with Vicodin.

The south of the nation

I'm sorely overdue in posting about my trip to Miss Sippy last week.

First, Biloxi. Had dinner one evening at the Beau Rivage. World class casino. If you find yourself in the south and itching for a taste of Vegas, I suggest you stay here. The restaurant prices were also Vegas' equal. Yowza.

Next, Katrina. Her impact was still painfully obvious. Along the stretch of highway between Gulfport and Biloxi (the road where my celeb doppelganger Jayne Mansfield met her untimely death) where historic mansions used to sit across from the ocean, there's now...nothing. The debris has been cleaned up, so it just looks deserted. There was a motel which had been wiped out whose sign was still intact. Eerie. Jefferson Davis' summer home was completely demolished. Never fear though, my dear Confederates, for there's a society rebuilding it.

My colleagues told stories of the basement where we held our meetings. How it had been a biohazard and cleaned out by guys in hazmat suits because it was full of ribeyes, dog food, and chicken parts. Yum!

And now that your appetite is whetted, let's talk about the food. My research proved that the seafood was fine, so I indulged. It was delicious. Shrimp, snapper, lump crabmeat - all very fresh and very tasty.

The lunches during the meetings, however, were another matter. Whoever the caterer was had a formula. That formula was:

Meal = (Meat + MashedPotatoes)*BrownGravy + Vegetable + Roll.

Day 1: Chicken breast & mashed potatoes with brown gravy, green beans, roll
Day 2: Salisbury steak & mashed potatoes with brown gravy, butter beans, roll
Day 3: Shredded beef & mashed potatoes with brown gravy, corn, roll

I'm a fan of comfort food in moderation, and I even like butter beans. But I was dying for a salad when I got home.

My celeb doppelgangers

Check this out. I did it a few years ago with several different pictures and consistently got Scarlett Johanssen back as my best match. I guess the extra years and pounds killed the resemblance. Dammit!



Watch out Tom Cruise - I just may be able to pose as your wife (though why I'd subject myself to that I can't imagine).

UPDATE: Stupid template cuts off the pic of Jayne Mansfield on the right.

You want to put what where?

I think I've mentioned this before, and I know some of you have blogged posts to support my theory.

I think that travelling brings out the rude in people.

Here's the latest installment.

Yesterday, lunchtime, Memphis airport. I took advantage of the time and place to grab a little Memphis-style BBQ for lunch during my layover. Many other travellers had the same idea, so the Blue Note Cafe was hoppin'.

Smoking or non, queried the hostess. I replied with my stock "first available," and was escorted into the bar. I ordered and dove happily into The Other Boleyn Girl (Scarlett Johanssen, Natalie Portman, and Eric Bana to star in the screen adaptation? Can't fucking wait) while I waited for my turkey-smothered-in-heaven sandwich to arrive.

That's the odd thing about smoking bars in airport. They attract smokers. In droves.

I peer around me as I dig into my sandwich. A suprising number of people in the bar are like me, eating but not pursuing lung cancer. The ones who are puffing away seem to be pretty mellow about it.

And then the psycho smoker strikes.

I pick up my sandwich for another mouth-watering bite. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice a man heading intently for my table. Is he going to refill my soft drink? But no, as he closes in he thrusts his weapon past the glass. What was the weapon, you may ask? His ash-dangling cigarette. He deposits said ash into the sparkling clean ashtray on my table. As I was taking a bite of my food.

Now, the spousal unit sucks on the despised cancer sticks. I am never idle in chastizing him for tossing butts carelessly about. But even he knows that this is just not done.

A few minutes later, the guy makes another lap. Apparently he hasn't ordered anything - he's just found a place to wander around while catching a drag. As he passes my table, the guy at the table behind me notices me watching Ashomatic and asks me, "Did he do it again?" Aha! So I'm not being unnecessarily indignant!

I'm so thankful I never picked up that habit. Look what it can make you do!

Pants post

So as my city gets caught up in baseball postseason fever, I've only just noticed that most of the players are now wearing long pants. What gives? I feel like Tom Hanks in A League of Their Own - "There's no long pants in baseball!"

Seriously though, baseball is all about showing your socks. There's a reason there's no Boston Red Trousers or Chicago White Shirts. I'm ok with keeping the short pants and losing the stirrups - I wore those stirrups as a kid and they're not the most comfortable things. but it's a cardinal sin that so many players are now hiding their socks.

And deviating from pants a bit, I also must say that the Rockies' sleeveless jerseys with T-Shirts underneath look pretty ghetto. What's next, wifebeaters?

On to more pants. Yoga pants.

I recently purchased a few new pairs and wore one for the first time on Wednesday. Super comfy, great material, wonderful coral color. The problem? They show sweat worse than anything. I'm going to a new class in a heeated (not Bikram-hot) room, and by the end of class I looked like I pissed myself.

Southbound

News flash:

Next week I'm headed to Gulfport, MS for work. I'm tickled that I'll be staying at a hotel/casino while I'm there. Nothing like a game of poker to take the edge off an endless day of requirements gathering!

I'm looking forward to checking out this area of the country. I wonder how visible the impact of Katrina will still be. I do know that some of the users for the software system we'll be developing are housed in the company's "Katrina Village". That doesn't sound particularly pleasant.

Another concern is the seafood. I've heard horror stories of how Katrina polluted the Gulf's catch. I'll have to do some research, but I may be limiting myself to land creatures while I'm there.

Hopefully, some interesting pictures will be taken for blog fodder.

Also going to have to remember to use the local pronunciation - Miss Sippy.

Cat, you should giggle at this. I told my hairdresser I was going to Mississippi and she asked if I'd get a glimpse of the collapsed bridge. Snort. I guess geography requirements are minimal at beauty school. Really - is there any state-monikered river that stays within the confines of its namesake? I don't know of any.

Random 10 Cop Out

OK, I really really really want to be creative. But I've been bleedin' busy. So I'm bowing to the cat and posting 10 from the workday's iTunes party shuffle. Here ya go:

1. Soundtrack To Mary - Soul Coughing
2. Acrobat - U2
3. Sex-O-Matic Venus Freak - Macy Gray
4. Love Me Do - The Beatles
5. Smile - Lily Allen
6. Tchaikovsky: Serenade For Strings In C, Op. 48 - Waltz - Peter Wohlert; Berlin Chamber Orchestra
7. Runaway - Del Shannon
8. Country Death Song - Violent Femmes
9. Hands Up - Black Eyed Peas
10. Blue Savannah - Erasure

Nice to see some different faces pop up among the usual suspects.

Doggie U

Last night, after 4 long months of group obedience classes, Sasha finally got her off-leash obedience diploma. I was such a proud doggie mom!

There is, of course, a caveat. Classes were starting to get really large. We got unlimited classes as part of our board-and-train deal, but I know not all who attended group classes had the same arrangement. I have a sneaking suspicion they wanted to graduate her to make room for more "paying" customers.

That being said, she did really well. It was only the fourth time we'd tested her off-leash, and the first two times she ran like a banshee partway through. This time I stood yards away from her while she lied down and stayed. Other dogs caused chaos. Horses penned nearby piqued her interest. And still she stayed.

Wish we'd done the same with the other dogs. I think Roscoe would have graduated very quickly.

Caribbound

We'd been thinking of booking a trip to Europe for our next vacation, hopefully to be taken right around now. Now it looks like the soonest we'll be able to escape is January.

So Ms. Bargain Hunter Slave started poking into destinations where the climate in January is more pleasant than it is at home. Places like Kauai, Phuket, Rio, and Paradise Island came to mind.

The spousal unit wasn't wowed by Hawaii on our honeymoon, so that was the first to go. Asia and South America were next based on flight times and ticket prices. This meant that, for the second year in a row, we'd be headed to the Caribbean.

I started looking in the Bahamas since it's a relatively short flight and we've heard good things. Was all set to have us on a vacay on Cable Beach. But the spousal unit balked, fearing the weather would not be quite warm enough in January.

Next I eyed the Cayman Islands. Alas, flights within out frequent flyer/voucher system were not to be had.

Finally, my eye was caught by St. Maarten. We enjoyed the Dutch hospitality shown last year in Aruba. And an added bonus is that it shares an island with the French territory St. Martin. The average temperature was to the spousal unit's liking, and airline tickets were in reach. So we'll be there for a week in January.

As I poked through travel guides, I realized how close the celeb getaway of St. Barts is to St. Maarten. Perhaps we'd do a side trip for a couple days and rub elbows with George, Brad, or Matt! Then I started looking at hotels in St. Bart. Suffice to say, our visit to that island will be confined to a day trip by ferry.

Anguilla is another option for a day trip, but St. Barts looks prettier.

St. Maarten/Martin apparently has the best food in the Caribbean. This is a real draw for me, since I'll hopefully be pregnant and unable to imbibe spirits.

Any tales or anecdotes from these islands to share? Let's hear it!

Snort THIS

This morning I was eating breakfast and allowing Today to numb my brain while my morning coffee attempted to awaken it. I'm sure the two cancel each other out.

Off topic, but how sad is it that I notice that a Royal Caribbean cruise commercial plays on this show every morning at the same exact time? I first noticed this nearly 2 years ago, and it's still going.

Anyway, a commercial for a nasal allergy spray called Veramyst comes on. I happen to notice a caption that flashes briefly on the bottom of the screen. It says (I'm paraphrasing):

"It is not known exactly how this medication works."

Please tell me why somebody would see this caviat and still spray this crap up their nose. It's OK for me to not know how it works. But shouldn't the pharmaceutical have figured it out before the FDA approved it to be sold?

And what, did they stumble onto this by accident? Oh hey look, I accidentally snorted a bit of this HIV counteraction serum, and look, my nose isn't running any more! Yeah, I'm running out to buy some of that right now.

I'm So White

Here's a quickie I can share with you that should make you chuckle.

I've had the Timbaland song Just The Way I Are playing in my head nonstop. Despite my dismay at the grammatical incoherence of the title, the words are catchy and the beat is reminiscent of his work with my shameless crush JT.

So I've had these words running through my head:

I don't need the cheese on my crackers
Boy I like you just the way you are

Well, the real line is:

I don't need the G's or the car keys

Hmmm. Would you have guessed that I grew up in a small town where the black population was possibly only 2 digits long? Or that I live in a pretty damn caucasian state now? I think you would.

But...

That doesn't stop me from thinking that the Jena 6 were/are being extremely unfairly punished. The white adults in Jena that allowed this situation to escalate and explode with these ridiculous charges, and most especially DA Reed Walters, have a special hot seat in Hell waiting for them.

Blah-g

Where is my motivation? I have some funny doggy pictures I want to post, but I'm too lazy to add captions to them.

I have more entertaining travel anecdotes swirling around in my head, but can't manage to materialize them to keyboard.

Right now the most mesmerizing thing I have to say is that I just enjoyed a divine frozen custard swirled with peanut butter. How's that for a literary device, huh?

I can't even summon the minimal amount of wit required to mock Britney Spears.

Oh, you freaky readers

I've had a rash of folks hit my blog lately from Google searches. As usual, I have to shake my head when I see what people out there are looking for.

First, we have the fertile-ly challenged, like myself, who are looking to go straight to ivf. But humans aren't the only species that have difficulty reproducing. Luckily, there are fellow doggy lovers out there who are interested in using clomiphene citrate with dogs.

We also have some kinkier canine coddlers, who are just searching for a wife slave with dog. As the spousal unit pointed out, you never know what to expect from the French.

And let's not forget the junkies. Enterprising addicts utilize tools on the Internet to get their meth hints.

Let's hope he left the private jet at home

Look guys...Ali Larter from Heroes looks stunning in this red dress.

But would somebody please tell me what the hell Al Gore is doing at the Emmy awards ceremony? Making sure it's green, no doubt.

No bebe

Turns out it was just Aunt Flo, taunting me. We've got a consult with Dr. Makeababy today to figure out the next steps.

Quickening?

Could it be, folks? I'm not due to find out for sure until next week, but there have been some possible signs.

The twins are sore. Now, this is a normal PMS symptom for me, but it seems a little different this time. Extremely sensitive headlights. Could be entirely psychosomatic, and not enough of a sign on its own.

Today I did a regular yoga class for the first time in awhile. I'm forgoing the Bikram until post-delivery - it's too risky for my taste. While in cobra pose, I began to feel a vein pulsing internally. This vein was in the uteral vicinity. This has never happened to me before. Is there a reason my blood seemed a bit more anxious than normal to flow to that particular region?

Stay tuned!

An unexpected sibling

I'm so embarassed about this.

A few months ago I found a blogger, via justacoolcat and Beckeye, who was holding an Adopt an Actor auction. I requested an actor, but then promptly forgot which blogger was holding this fabulous fete.

I just stumbled back onto Splotchy's blog today, and discovered that to make it official, I have to post my request on my own blog.
.
So...without further adieu, I give you our possible-child's adopted older brother, Mister Tom Skerritt.

Do you think he didn't notice?

Yesterday I took my flight home from Boston. And no, I was not concerned about flying on 9/1l. I seriously doubt that another plane-bomb attack will be attempted on that date in the forseeable future. But the flight was very empty, and I was afforded a coveted exit-row seat.

Unfortunately, this seat was near the toilet. An older businessman (normally I'd refer to him as a gentleman, but not in this case) across the aisle from me kept ducking into the toilet. Whenever he emerged, I was immediately assaulted with the most horrific odor. Seriously, I think the guy was committing war crimes in there. At first I thought it was the bathroom itself, but I noticed that the odor was not present when other passengers left the crime scene.

So did he not care about the torture he was submitting his fellow passengers to? Or do you think he felt so crappy all he was interested in was just evacuating the toxic waste from his body? His demeanor was annoyingly pleasant otherwise, so I have my doubts about the latter option. I think maybe it smelled of roses to him, because it was his.

But you'd think the nasty faces and dramatic arm hand waving in front of my nose from me might have clued him that it was not so.

Reprieve

I look like part of the table down here, don't I?

The female alpha has been gone for days. I think the evil white dog has gone and scared her away.

I don't need to hide down here right now. The alpha male has taken the evil white dog off to wherever it is she gets taken. I'm sure it's somewhere they'd never take me. Bitch.

But until the evil white dog gets back back, I'll resume my role as The Queen. It's good to be queen.

Oh, and please don't blame the quality of this photo on me. Unlike the female alpha, I don't have opposable thumbs and am thus incapable of cleaning the camera lens.

An excerpt

From the funniest show on television:

Cheryl: Where've you been?
Larry: Eatin' some penis.

Welcome back, Curb. I've missed you.

Ketchup!

Hello bloggies! How I've missed you all.

I'm in Boston for the weekend for a wedding reception. They got married in June in NM but his mother is having a reception for them here. I've been friends with her since high school - nearly 20 years! It's so odd to think I've known anyone for that long.

Anybody up for meeting in Beantown on Sunday? Shopping on Newbury street?

So, to catch up....

I had to sign up for MySpace for a book club. Oh, how it sucks you in to its evil ways! Check out MyKerpupples if you're interested.

And I owe you some details on our little fertilization experiment.

It didn't go as well as hoped. Not as many little swimmers as they like to see. Stupid nurse kept babbling and yammering all the while failing to get the stupid catheter into my cervix. She had to take the instrument of torture speculum out to start over and asked if I'd prefer another nurse continue. I responded with a very enthusiastic "Yes". Anyway, the doc wants to have another consultation with us. I'm thinking if we're not knocked up this round she's going to want to move us straight to IVF next cycle.

I should have known the day boded ominous when one of these little fellows commited harikari by flying head-on into one of our picture windows the morning before the procedure. I had to threaten Ripley with harm to get her to drop him. Little fellow was gorgeous, but alas, his poor neck had snapped like a twig.

I Wish I Were Here...

I'm just one lost soul swimming in a work bowl......year after year.

I miss you all and will be back as soon as I can. I think we have the big IUI procedure this weekend so I'll be sure to update you after that.

The itch

Hay fever is kicking my eyes in the ass (How can eyes have an ass, you ask? Think of where the location of an eyeball's ass would be. That's my brain. Little more than the posterior of a ball of jelly). I have prescription allergy drops (Patanol) and Benadryl in my system but they aren't helping like they usually do.

Any recommendations? Pharmaceutical and holistic solutions alike welcome.

I am taking clomiphene citrate to turn me into an egg factory. I don't recall this as a side effect, but the symptoms did seem to coincide with starting to take these pills. Will have to Google any possible corelations.

weekend at Bernie's

Not Bernie's. Georgie's. As in H.W. Bush. OK, not at Georgie's. Near Georgie's. Semantics, bah.

Last weekend I had a company meeting in Kennebunkport, ME. Lovely place, Maine, but damn chilly for August. I can't imagine wintering there. Our hotel was just around the bend from the Bush compound. Wouldn't that be cool, to have not just a summer house but a compound? Here's a picture of the place.

As we were leaving we saw some cars pull up and a bunch of people pile out in front of the main house. Likely some of the lesser Bush clanspeople. A colleague's wife actually saw Papa Bush out sailing and took a photograph.

One of my colleauges went to India to get married in June (we were invited to the wedding - received the invite the week of the ceremony. Wouldn't it have been a hoot to show up? Oh, and there were 1800 people at the reception. Good thing food is cheap there). His wife was at the meeting and she appears to still dress in traditional Indian style. I had to compliment her on her saris - such a beautiful, colorful form of dress (no Chelene, I don't think they come in all black). Some genius came up with the suggestion that all the women should wear saris to our Christmas party. I'd feel like a huge poseur trying to wear one myself.

Unfortately the weekend was all business and I didn't get to pick up a tchotchke for our travel bathroom as I'd hoped. Such a shame, as the streets were lined with adorable shops. The spousal unit got to poke around the town while I worked on Saturday. We're thinking we'll go back some time, maybe take the mother-in-law.

Here's a video from the plane ride home. It still doesn't do the storm justice.

Feeling soooooooo sexy

Chelene just posted about bringing sexy back. I can relate to that feeling today. I may even have ya beat, girlfriend.

We've decided to go the IUI route for the fertility treatment. I started things off today with a baseline ultrasound. It's day 3 of my cycle.

Think about that one for a second.

I'm glad the tech was female. Very, very glad.

On the positive side, I've got some great looking ovaries.

Escape Fron Barrenithia

Yesterday the spousal unit and I had our initial visit with a fertility doctor. Based on the diagnoses we've received so far, we fully expected to start right with IVF to get me knocked up. However, the doctor seemed to think we should give IUI a try first, so that's the road we're headed down.

For the nonbarren, IVF = Petri dish. IUI = turkey baster. Need more info? Go here. Man I'm a smartass today.

I'm really lucky - my health insurance pays for both IUI and IVF. I've struggled with the option of going straight to IVF. On one hand, why the hell not? The odds of getting a bun in my oven are 60% on one try as opposed to 30% over 3 monthly cycles of IUI. On the other hand...IVF is so much more invasive. Shots every day (did I mention that I HATE needles?), surgical egg harvesting, multiple ultrasounds, daily doctor visits.

Ultimately my cheap ass will let the cost make the decision. I believe it will be about $500 out of pocket for one IVF cycle. For the IUI, at this point it's who the fuck knows. My insurance coverage is good, but navigating their byzantine set of guidelines and exclusions and preauthorizations is fucking maddening. Let's just say it will probably be less than $100 a pop.


So let's talk about drugs.

I'll be taking Clomid to stimulate multiple egg folicles. Yes folks, I could end up with twins (Possibly more, but I choose to believe that if I don't think about it, it won't happen)! And there are side effects. The most common is hot flashes. A preview of menopause - whee!!!!!!

And the spousal unit gets to stab me in the ass with a syringe to force me to ovulate. I'm sure he'll love every minute of have a really hard time with that.

And the grand finale? Shove a catheter up my cervix (luckily I'm prepared for this after having the HSG. Did I just say luckily about having a foreign body rammed where nothing was meant to be rammed? Sheesh), sending a brigade of only the strongest of the spousal unit's little soldiers (sperm only, semen can cause an infection) to try and conquer one or more of those hormonally stupefied eggs.

How jealous are you right now?

I/O Error

As in, Idiot Operator.

It's amazing how the quality of the pictures your camera takes improves after cleaning the lens.

Check the post below for an updated photo of the curtains if you're interested. They look much nicer.

An open letter to sloppy bastards

I attended the second wedding of the summer over the weekend and have noticed an extremely disturbing trend regarding the casualization of male attire. This seems to be especially the case the further west you are of the Mississipi. In my years of business travel, I've long noticed that Eastern workplaces are still more formal than those out West. Generally I'm OK with that, but it really ruffles my feathers to see it appplied to occassions such as nuptials that will always call for a sense of decorum.

I've put together a list of my complaints. Gents, if this applies to you, hear me and hear me well!

• Shorts are NEVER, EVER, EVER appropriate for a wedding. But it's on the beach, you cry! Find a comfy pair of linen slacks, I retort.


• Wearing a $100-plus silk leisure shirt does not make up for the fact that you are wearing shorts to a wedding.


• Leather flip-flops do NOT count as dress shoes.


• You are entirely defeating the point of wearing a neatly pressed long-sleeved button down shirt if you refuse to tuck it in. Better to go with the silk leisure shirt if bunching at your waist concerns you.


• Crocs are only appropriate for the garden if you are over the age of 10.

This last wedding also saw a blatant female offender who was attired in a snow-white dress, the ultimate show of disrespect to the bride. She'd just had a baby and may not have had any other dresses that fit, but how hard is it to borrow a colorful belt or a shawl? Humph.

We the Simpsons

Because I've been way too busy to be creative, I'm going to completely rip off Beckeye and post myself and the spousal unit as we would appear on The Simpsons. I have bangs now and don't usually wear my glasses (which I really should do more often, they are Lulu Guinness with the most adorable bling), but you get the gist.



That photo of me was taken with our now-defunct camera. Clearly it once functioned properly. No word back yet from Costco, BTW. I think they are stalling, hoping I'll just go away.

On another note....

Why is it that so many of the womeen out there in the workforce are either twits or bitches? They give us competent, reasonable gals too much to make up for. Grrr.

@!$#JIOE

So if any of you clicked on the curtains pic in my last post, you'll no doubt notice the extremely poor quality of the photo.

I think my digital camera is skrood. Which really blows because we just got it over a year ago. Tons of noise on the digital display which seems to also transfer to the picture itself.

You know the worst part? This thing got the highest rating from Consumer Reports. Love the size but the picture quality has degraded to being nearly worthless.

Suggestions on where to go next?

UPDATE: I've emailed Costco where we purchased the camera to see if they will still do an exchange. We'll see how fabulous their return policy really is.

A peek inside the catacombs

She climbs to the top of the stepladder to drill the holes into which she will screw the final curtain rod mount.

Damn, holding this drill at eye level on a ladder is awkward! Aha...done. Screw in the last mount, and you can finally hang the frickin' things. I can't believe you're hanging curtains in August that you made in February!!!

Movement at the front window caught her eye. A hummingbird was querying the feeder, empty for months, for a sip of nectar. She brightens at the sight. The feeder had been given up long ago as hung too far from the edge of the porch to attract any of the delightful little birds. She watched the tiny creature try for a few more seconds before it flitted away.

I need to refill it! Quick, do it now before you forget!

She climbs down the ladder and walks out the front door to retrieve the feeder.

Crap - I forgot how high this thing is. Oh, and I had to jerry-rig it by tying yarn through the loop on the top to the chain extended from the ceiling of the porch. I don't want to bring the ladder out here...let me just cut this yarn with the shears that are next to the orchid next to the front door inside.

With a quick snip, she frees the feeder and carries it inside to the sink and opens it for a refill.

How much sugar do I use? I'd better go Google that.

She walks to her laptop, then realizes how distracted she has become. Is it any wonder it's taken her this long to hang those damn curtains?

Right. Back to the task at hand.

She remounts the step ladder and reaches for the screwdriver to finish screwing in the mount. It's not there.

OK...I must have carried it out to the feeder. Whee, isn't this fun? The twit on the ladder goes up and down, up and down....

She retraces her steeps between the porch, the sink, and the ladder. No trace of the screwdriver, and she's now a half hour further into the task than she'd have liked. Managing to avoid giving up in disgust, she resorts to using the heavy cordless drill to finish installling the mount screws.

She hangs the curtains, and is quite pleased with herself at the result. These are the first items she's ever sewn.

Many hours later when she checks her email before bed, she discovers the elusive screwdriver next to her laptop. She shakes her head, bemused at the fact that she manages to get anything done.

On perspective

Check out this picture.

You may ask, how did you hang the evil Sasha from the couch? But then here is her same pose from a different angle:

Freaky dog likes to lie on her side with her legs up in the air against the wall/couch/whatever vertical surface she's next to.

Next, I have to rant about the guy in my row on my flight home from Cool-umbus yesterday (the trip which explains why I've been so quiet all week). You know those wealthy folks who go to pains to say and demonstrate that they are not but then in the same breath make statements that illustrate they have no clue how normal they're really not? That was this guy.

"Oh, JK Rowling won't write any more books. That's what she said when I met her. I'm weird, I'm a book collector. My father had a bunch of books that turned out to be worth 1.4 million, and I couldn't afford to insure them (?) so I had to turn them over to the Royal Museum to keep them safe. So now I'm collecting Harry Potter first editions and I just paid $15,000 for this one. I'm visiting my wife's family who is from Colorado and will never leave. We bought into a ranch in the foothills with them, and we paid $300,000 for some property in Frisco that she got offered $3 million for last week. Her brother has a real nice house in, Cherry...what's it called? Across from the country club? [Note: this is Cherry Creek, arguably the poshest neighborhood in the entire state] It's nice, but they have no land! We have 50 acres outside Columbus. My wife made us get horses, she was raised with them. Her brother is making me play polo tomorrow, I really don't get that sport."

And on and on and on and on......Did I mentioned the guy seemed rather self-centered? He must have recalled his therapist's instructions at some point, because he did manage to ask me and our fellow rowmate where we lived, but that was about it.

And finally, Sarah Ashlee makes an excellent point on the lack of the subject of this post that Americans and specifically our media are exhibiting.

Tidbits

Thanks Entourage, for clueing me in to the fact that people like to have sex dressed up as a furry mascot.

Will Ferrell writes the dictionary!

Environmentally friendly (but racially exclusionary?) Google.

Things you never wanted to know about me

Sarah Ashlee has tagged me!

Rules (shamelessly copied and pasted from her blog) are:

• Players start with 7 random facts/habits about themselves.


• People who are tagged need to write their own blog posts with their 7 things as well as these rules.


• You need to tag 7 others and list their names on your blog.


• Remember to leave a comment for them letting them know they have been tagged and to read your blog.

So here's my list of seven random things about me.

1. My memory about random things people do/say is uncanny. I was travelling to Michigan for work with a group of colleagues for an extended amount of time and we discovered that I remembered what everyone ordered at the restaurants we frequented.

2. I had no interest in having children until I turned 30.

3. I'm generally not afraid of the creepy-crawly things that make most females shriek. Snakes, worms, spiders, bees....none of these creatures really bother me. The only bugs I can think of that freak me out are centipedes.

4. I've never lived by myself. I went from home to dorm to roomates to boyfriend/spousal unit.

5. President Clinton spoke at my college campus while campaigning for his first term in office. I attended the speech and accidentally happened upon the meet-and-greet line afterwards. Though he was shaking hands with the small child in front of me, he looked me square in the eye and smiled. I thought I was special...who knew?

6. I'm an animal lover, but I detest ferrets. Blame some of those aforementioned roommates for that one.

7. My dream career is to be a stand-up comic. I love to make people laugh.

I know that all the cool kids have already done this meme, so there aren't too many left for me to tag. But if Rhet, PrettyRandomThoughts, Tanya Espanya, and BeckEye haven't done this one yet.....you're it.

Orally violated

At the dentist's office, by a new hygienist. Her name was Kate. I'd never seen her before, and never plan to again.

The process of cleaning teeth is never a pleasant one, but the pain is usually confined to a grimace or two.

Not with Kate.

Kate wielded the scrapey-hook (yes, I'm pretty sure that's the technical term for the instrument) with a firm hand. Kate went deep. I quickly began to regret telling this sadistic excuse for a health care professional that I'd been somewhat negligent in my flossing habits over the past six months.

Dig, scrape, wipe. Dig, scrape, wipe. I fully expected the white bib that had been clipped to my shirt in the usual dignified manner to look like a Jackson Pollock interpretation of a White Stripes album cover by the time Hate Kate had completed my torture session.

At one point when Kate was working in the left side of my mouth, her vigorous stroke met with the curve of a molar and the scrapey-hook slipped. My tongue fled fearfully to the far side of its lair to avoid being filleted.

When it was finally over, I peeked down at the bib and saw one tiny drop of blood. I've never been so relieved at such at anticlimactic moment.

Evil temptation

Look at this bitch. Look at her!

Trots though the door and the alpha humans decide to take her in. What about me? I'm the alpha dog. Don't I get a say?

The alphas are constantly taking her off to some function called "obedience class". I don't know what that is, but they go in the car, which means it has to be fun. Ripley's not much for the car, but I try to get in with the humans whenever they go anywhere. Needless to say, my exclusion from this "obedience class" does not please me.

And oh, does Sasha tease. Flaunts that delicious, slender little figure in front of me constantly. Makes me want to bite her and ride her simultaneously. And I try. Damn, do I try. But these parts of mine won't seem to do what I want them to.

Let's not overlook how she tries to take Ripley's spot as top bitch. Sasha may be slim and sexy, but my brick house will always own my doggy heart. No amount of snapping, or food-stealing, or toy-hording will change that, Sasha!

Thanks for listening, humans. I'm off to chase squirrels in my dreams (at least that's what the humans think I'm dreaming about - check out my twitchy foot).

Random 10 Randoms

Unite - The Beastie Boys
Midnight Show - The Killers
He Can Only Hold Her - Amy Winehouse
(Another Song) All Over Again - Justin Timberlake
Good Luck Charm - Elvis Presley
Get Ready - Sublime
If Things Were Perfect - Moby
Red Natty Dread - Garnett Silk
W.M.A. - Pearl Jam
All Along The Watchtower (Live) - Dave Matthews Band

I was hoping for a Christmas song in the mix. Something about July maybe? Also was using some pumpkin body scrub that I nabbed on clearance and started drooling for pumpkin pie. What sort of seasonal things do you crave out-of-season?

For those of you who don't read the Manolo, check out this hilarious soda ad. I think it's a play on the cheesy Fanta commercials.


I'll be going dark over the weekend since Harry Potter finíto comes out tomorrow and I'll be a) in the mountains and b) not receiving my copy until whenever Amazon's Super Saver shipping kicks in. It's going to be a challenge with TV and radio to avoid spoiling the ending.

Since the kerpupples don't read Potter, one of them may drop in.

Let us count the ways....

In which the following advertisement (date unknown) is WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!



You'll need to click on the image above in order to read it. Here's the list I've started:

• If this is the 50s, the marriage sounded entirely normal to me. What's the problem? Or have I seen too much Leave it to Beaver (Hey, hmm, beaver, indifference, lack of freshness....maybe there was something to that show after all)?


• So say that it wasn't normal. The first cause you dream up is that your hooha stinks


• The doctor-recommended solution is to pour chemical air purifier down the offending hole


• You buy that recommendation


• After following the doctor's orders, you feel sexy enough to let your husband go spelunking


• A husband of that era would actually let his wife sit on his newspaper

There's still tons to add here, so let's hear it, readers!

A joyous return

Hola compadres! I have returned from the relaxing, nature-communing rafting trip down the Colorado river from Colorado into Utah refreshed and renewed. Then today I received some wonderful news that has propelled me back into blogdom again.

Remember my first attempt at The Manolo's Build the Outfit? Well, I tried it again for his next contest. And this time, I won! The thrill of being chosen is at least as delightful as the free shoes I'll receive. Perhaps a second career as a Hollywood stylist is possible? At any rate, it was great fun.

I also want to extend my thanks to my dear dog Ripley for filling in while I was unable to form any worthwhile posts on my own.

My master makes me groan

Hello humans, this is Ripley. The alpha female has given me permission to blog here while she takes a break.


Yes, this is a much younger picture of me. You got a problem with that? It's a tough world for us old bitches.

Alpha female may have told you that alpha male is extremely fond of puns. I don't know what that is, it is not in my vocabulary of food, sleep, good dog, bad dog, and outside and its corollaries potty, walk, and mail. But he likes them, and they make the alpha female groan.

Last night before bed the alphas were watching the television (which sometimes makes the doorbell magically ring, wretched device) and saw a preview for something called "The Omen 666". The alpha female had previously viewed this with the alpha male, who had apparently never seen the original version. Neither of the alphas seemd to be impressed.

When this preview came on, the alpha male quipped, "This is a Bad Omen."

The alpha female protested louder than usual at this.

The alphas are headed off on a weekend trip rafting the Colorado river. Meanies are dumping me, Roscoe, and evil Sasha off at a kennel. My next post shall be seething with resentment.

Hiatus

I need a break.

I created this blog to be an exercise in writing, not the diary it's morphed into. I'm feeling a strong lack of creativity and I'm getting almost no feedback, so it's time to shut down for awhile.

Best. Sorry to bore.

Diggin' on Polygin'

So another fabulous HBO drama has bitten the dust. I'm still quietly fuming over the end of Deadwood (cocksuckers!), and I feared I'd be suffering from severe Sopranos withdrawal. I needn't have worried - the creative team at the cable network has come to my rescue again with the second season of Big Love. It's a fascinating look at the Mormon practice of polygamy (both in traditional and nontraditional sense) and how it's viewed by the majority of the Mormon population.

I will admit to being extremely skeptical about the show when the first season started. Who wants to watch a show about folks who can't even drink a Coke, much less add some sizzle by getting hooked on blow? But I was drawn in by the amazingly complex relationship between all the Henricksons and the blatant hypocrisies of the Grant family at The Compound. Intrigued by gay henchman polygamists, former Mormon support groups, and backlash skinheads? Big Love is for you. Anyone who can resist being drawn like a fly to shit to a family where, as Adaleen Grant says, "I am my own grandmother" or to a culture where sex outside of marriage is forgiveable but being a surrogate mother is not has a stronger will than I.

I hear the creator of Deadwood has refocused his attention on John From Cincinnati, so I'll check that out. The spousal unit says it's weird, which given my love for Six Feet Under and Carnivale is a good omen.

Weekend toy teaser....

UPDATE: Yes, the spousal unit brought one of these home over the weekend. 4 door black Sahara. Very cool. Will post pics.

Random 10 - Roto Rooted

Jesse's Girl - Rick Springfield
I Really Like You - Melissa Etheridge
I Love New York - Madonna
White Shadows - Coldplay
Rocket Queen - Guns N' Roses
Blood And Roses - Pat DiNizio
Jungle Boogie - Kool & The Gang
Train In Vain - The Clash
Mirror In The Bathroom - The English Beat
I Wish You Could Be Me - Korn

Some of you may remember that the spousal unit and I have been trying unsuccessfully to reproduce. I've recently started a fertility workup, and yesterday I had a hysterosalpingogram. Even though I prepped with a Valium (I don't do well at all with medical procedures), I still shrieked like a little girl when that dye went coursing through those teeny weeny tunnels. Thankfully, all appears to be normal.

I know my readers are big Dakota Fanning admirers - did you know she's also a fashion muse? I discovered this recently thumbing through a backissue of Vogue at the salon. It doesn't suprise me that she wen't for it, she's so grown up, but boo on you, Mr. Jacobs.

Awww....

Looky what I have to miss when the spousal unit and I head off to Maine in August for my company meeting:



They're playing the night before at Red Rocks. We'll be on a plane headed east during that show. :( Can't decide which I would rather see more. I luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurv Red Rocks and they'd play a broader set there. But the Fillmore is pretty intimate, and I'd really dig seeing them go funky. Especially with all the fans dressed up.

If you want to go to this one, here's a link to buy tix.

Fun with digits

Here is a math trick so unbelievable that it will stump you.


1. Grab a calculator. (you won't be able to do this one in your head)
2. Key in the first three digits of your phone number (NOT the area code)
3. Multiply by 80
4. Add 1
5. Multiply by 250
6. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number
7. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number again.
8. Subtract 250
9. Divide number by 2

Do you recognize the answer??

Fab Femme Former 5

I think it's time for a list. Name your top 5 female characters from TV shows that are no longer with us. Mine are, in no particular order:

Elaine Benes, Seinfeld - Get OUT!!!! Is any more explanation really necessary?

Miranda Hobbes, Sex and the City - She wasn't the prettiest one (or even second or third), but she had sarcasm to die for and won the Most Improved award hands down for hair and wardrobe through the seasons.

Holly Marshall, Land of the Lost - She had a red-and-white plaid shirt, pigtails, and a pet dinosaur. What more could a little tomboy like me ask for? Watch out, Sleestak!

Valerie Cherish, The Comeback - I never thought anyone could pull off more annoying than Larry David in Curb Your Enthusiasm and still be funny, but Lisa Kudrow nailed it. Such a shame there was only one season.

Claire Fisher, Six Feet Under - I really loved how Claire kept finding wackier and wackier men (though Jeremy Sisto not as Billy? Yes indeedy!) and finally ended up with the seemingly boring but actually great guy at the end o the series.

2008: Gotham vs. Gotham?

So maybe you heard in the news today that Michael Bloomberg has changed his party affiliation again to none (from Republican, and before that from Democrat)? Wild speculation abounds. Could the next presidential election give us Mayor vs. Mayor (vs. Dem - ignore that part, it's not consequential to this post :-).

Would love to hear from some folks who have lived under both on this one. I've heard both rants and raves about Rudy. From what I see, Mikey's approval ratings are about double Bush's.

My own personal experience only involves working as a consultant for Bloomberg's bajillion dollar company for 9 months after he had already stepped down. Understood his influence was never gone. And on that basis, I'm truly torn as to whether or not I'd don an I Like Mike button.

He had some confounding and sometimes amazingly effective policies at that place. The cafeteria there? Free. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And the food was good. Argument being keep the peons as close to their desk as possible and they will earn you the most money. Given the nature of their business, I say it was brilliant. We could stand some radical changes in that vein in our political system.

Spent a crapload of money for some bizarre projects in the building. A room-sized water feature that was leaky as hell. Plasma flat-screen monitors in every conference room that had the Windows logo burned into their screens from the screensavers. Fingerprint identification for every desktop login. Effective and cool, but very extreme (and there's a backstory to it). That incident resulted in network security locked down so tight it took 10 times the normal effort as a consultant to get anything done. And the work my employer did for them could probably have been done at about 1/4 the cost if Bloomberg's project management were more attentive and discerning.

Those things I just mentioned? They scare me. They speak of impracticality, braggadocio, and fiscal wantonness. After Bush, who spends budgets like Paris Hilton shops/snorts blow/blows poles/whines, I think we could use a little restraint in the pocketbook, not to mention sensibility and humility.

What say you?

Cross your fingers and toes

I entered a contest over at Manolo's shoe blog. Prize is my forever addiction (as opposed to Chelene's fix of the day, milkshakes) - a pair of shoes!

Here's my entry. Honest criticism is appreciated if you feel like indulging your inner Tim Gunn. I wanted to stand out from the other entries and I think I've done that. Think I maybe should have included some sort of hair accessory though.

Wish me luck!

The epitome of cute

On Saturday we went to dinner with the spousal unit's mother, sister, and her family. We went to one of the best Mexican places in Albuquerque to get our chile fix. The kids had travelled that day and were 2 hours ahead on East Coast time. Between that and lots of chocolate milk before dinner, they didn't stand a chance.

[Land of] Enchantment Road Trip Random 10

You Don't Treat Me No Good - Sonia Dada
Personality Goes A Long Way - Jackson & Travolta, Pulp Fiction
Step Into Christmas - Elton John
All My Life - Foo Fighters
Your Heart Is an Empty Room - Death Cab For Cutie
Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge on Seattle - Nirvana
Walkin' After Midnight - Patsy Cline
How Deep Is Your Love - Bee Gees
Come Together - The Beatles
Kate - Ben Folds Five

Seems that Cat's Beatles tune on his list triggered one of my all-time Fab Four (as well as Foo) favorite ditties on my own. Thanks, Cat.

Family health issues send us back to NM tomorrow. The spousal unit is between contracts and will be gone for 2 weeks. I'll be there until Wednesday when I return home to Colorful Colorado. It will be good to see loved ones, but I'll be working while I'm there, so it's not really time off and I'm sure I'll be glad to get back home.

Just a drop

This is the view out of my hotel room. Check out Sarah Ashlee's post for the inspiration for the photo.

Back home mañana. Sasha Woo is home! Delights and disturbances to report. Soon, I promise. Now, I must sleep.

Do you shave their legs too?

Today I flew to Columbus for work. In the airport in Denver I was in line in the loo behind a woman. According to the embroidery on her tote, her name was Rebekah. Rebakah had her two sons in the ladies' room with her. They appeared to be about 9 and 6 years old. This started the cogs in my head a-turnin'. Isn't that just a bit too old to be taking your male child into the women's restroom? The eldest one, not necessarily the 6 year old. Isn't it reasonable for Rebekah to either send the elder son into the mens'room alone or to trust him to take his brother in with him? And does the fact that it's an airport make a difference?

I thought of my own nephew. Can't imagine he'd be OK with going into the ladies' room with his mom now at 8 years old.

Of course, my brain also used this anecdote to feed my theory that we are coddling our children far too much now. Not preparing them for adulthood. Not the most glaring example of the problem by far, but I do believe it to be true.

Friday's Random 10

Paperback Writer - The Beatles
Right Where It Belongs - Nine Inch Nails
Suffer The Little Children/Hell Is For Children - Pat Benatar
Believe Me Natalie - The Killers
I am the Highway - Audioslave
Ceremony - New Order
Vivaldi: Violin Concerto In G Minor, Op. 12/1, RV 317 - Zina Schiff, Dalia Atla; Israel Philharmonic
Hope - Toad The Wet Sprocket
No Sleep Till Brooklyn - The Beastie Boys
Witchy Woman - The Eagles

No U2 this time, but some NIN and Beasties to make up for it. Join the fun, post yours here.

While Tanya's screaming in pain and Cat is gardening and biking and Chelene is drinking and shopping and dozing this weekend, I'll be chillin' in the mountains. It's a blog-free zone, so I hope you all enjoy your weekend.

$crew All$tate

Does anybody keep up with their insurance costs? I wish I had the time. Especially now.

I was jarred into doing so when I received a letter from my mortgage company saying that unless we made up our escrow shortage, our payments would be going up about $150 per month. Perplexed at the cause of such a shortage, I started going over the details of the account and discovered that our homeowner's insurance went up by 50% this year.

We had a claim in December. Our golf clubs were stolen out of our garage. But 50%? Nuh uh.

I called our agent, who sounded just as appalled as I was on the phone. He hung up to do some research and when he called back, explained that we were being assessed a claim surcharge. Yes, you read that right. And the surcharge was to remain on our account for 3 years. I tried to get our agent to explain to me why we in fact had insurance and shouldn't just be putting money aside to cover our own claims, and he came up with no good answer.

So I put it to him straight. Fix this or we walk. He called me out, saying that we'd get high rates elsewhere because we'd had 2 claims in 3 years.

Knowing an agent's game, I checked around. The first place that came to mind was the company with the commercials that have inspired a sitcom. And what do you know - the rate I was quoted was, drumroll please.................. 25% lower than my rate with All$tate before the surcharge! I was sold.

This prompted me to check into auto insurance rates as well. Thanks to Costco, we're now saving 50% and we even get towing and rental car coverage, which All$tate was not giving us.

I'm waiting to cancel with the extortionists until I get my policy paperwork in the mail. I'm anticipating that phone call like a night of good sex. :)

Moral of the story: never stay complacent when it comes to insurance companies. They'll screw you any way they can.

Tony Soprano for President

The spousal unit recently did some research into the history of La Cosa Nostra in Colorado. Apparently, 2 brothers named Sam and Pete Carlino are the founders of Italian organized crime in the state.

Spousal unit used to work for someone who has confirmed that he is related to these men.

Said former employer is also a leaf in the family tree of Tom Tancredo. You know him, he's the one-issue (anti-immigration) Republican candidate for president.

Is there any connection between the Carlinos and Tancredo? I couldn't find one. But it's delicious to ponder, isn't it? And look at the pictures - don't they look related (humor my by ignoring the fact that it's actually James Gandolfini, who is not a mobster but an upstanding and successful actor)?

Also amazingly ironic is that a politician whose statuse is owed partly to his own culture's backround in US immigration could be so anti Mexican immigrant.

Now I understand...

Why religion is so widespread. Why so many adults find God. I think it's to help them cope with the fact that we human beings do such fucked up shit to each other. On a daily basis. To those we love as well as strangers.

It's not my approach, but I can totally appreciate it.

Notes on Some Movies

Now that we've hit the summer primetime skids, the spousal unit and I are blazing through our Netflix queue. The past 2 nights, we've watched Notes on a Scandal and Babel.

I have yet to watch The Queen, so I can't say how Judi Dench's performance in Notes stacked up Oscarwise to Helen Mirren. But there's something to be said about Dame Dench when Cate Blanchett's affair with a 15 year old isn't the creepiest aspect of the movie.

Babel made it a Blanchett twofer, though Cate graces the screen for far less time than in Notes. This was a film of bad decisions and tragic outcomes. I wanted to wring Gael Garcia Bernal's character's sexy neck. The film was beautifully made, and the cinematography, score, and storylines kept me riveted. I found this film to be far superior to Crash, which followed the same interwoven storyline format.

So far I've seen two of the 3 films from the much-touted "3 Amigos" filmmakers - Babel and Children of Men. I only hope that Pan's Labyrinth is more positive than the first two, both of which left me feeling quite depressed. Even eye candy like Brad Pitt, Bernal, and Clive Owen in Children weren't enough for me to overcome the feeling of despair imparted by the respective plots.

Long Overdue - Food Meme

My friend Tanya tagged me for this post eons ago and I've been mindblowingly busy so I haven't done it. But now that Sarah Ashlee's tagged me too, I guess I'd better get on it.

The rules:

1. Add a direct link to your post below the name of the person who tagged you. Include the city/state and country that you are in.

Nicole (Sydney, Australia)
velverse (Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia)
LB (San Giovanni in Marignano, Italy)
Selba (Jakarta, Indonesia)
Olivia (London, England)
ML (Utah, USA)
Lotus (Toronto, Canada)
tanabata (Saitama, Japan)
Andi (Dallas [ish], Texas, USA)
Todd (Lousiville, Kentucky, USA)
miss kendra (Los Angeles, California, USA)
Jiggs Casey (Berkeley, California, USA)
Tits McGee (New England, USA)
Joe (NE Tennessee, USA)
10K Monkeys (Chattanooga, Tennessee, USA)
Big Stupid Tommy (Athens, Tennessee, USA)
Newscoma (Weakley County, Tennessee, USA)
Finnspace (Springfield, Tennessee, USA)
LeBlanc (Lewisburg, Tennessee, USA)
I Am DisHeartened by My Jetta (Nashville, TN, USA)
Tanya Espanya(Toronto, ON, CA)

2. List out your top five favorite places to eat at your location.

I have sadly not been to many of these places lately. Need to get out more.

Carmine's on Penn - Family style Italian, fun neighborhood, a Denver institution.

Lime - Trendy, inexpensive Mexican in Lower Downtown that outshines most of the sad excuses for Mexican food here. Love the homemade tequila shot they give you alongside their sinful flour tortilla chips and salsa.

Jerusalem - Some of the best falafel I've had anywhere. Eternally busy dive near DU.

Jax- Cozy fish house with locations in LoDo and Boulder. Freshest seafood in town.

Flagstaff House - Go here when someone else is paying or it's a super special occasion. Fine dining with knockout views from Flagstaff Mountain in Boulder.

I also have to give honorable mentions to Sushi Den, The Med, Dozens (I love breakfast!), and Jack N Grill for when I miss New Mexican food.

And because I'm lame, I'm not tagging anyone. But feel free to consider yourself tagged if you've read this and you want to extend the chain.

Tidbits

Stopped at the training school yesterday to drop off Sasha's heartworm pill. Couldn't see her as they didn't want to distract from training. But word is she's sit/stay and heel on command now, and working on up/down, inside/outside, and return to heel. It's going to be very cool to get her back trained. The log had a comment that she bolted after a rabbit one day while training on return to heel. So it's nice to hear that she's having a little fun there too.

Not much of a holiday this weekend. Working on getting the house ready to put on the market. We've had a sump pump put in and the bugger is running every 15 minutes. I think we're literally collecting the entire neighborhood's runoff. Can't wait until that's someone else's problem.

I do get to plant some purty flowers in containers. Running off now to go buy them.

Hope you are all enjoying your holiday!

And if you have to fly through Atlanta, beware the men's bathrooms.

Hi Mom!

So I think the day spent introducing Mom to email and internet basics was a success.

We'll see. I've pointed her to my blog. If she mentions this post, I'll know she made it here successfully.

So...hi Mom. Love ya!!!

Columbus was beautiful today. Couldn't ask for nicer weather. Too bad my client is such a pain in the ass.

Random 10

Only The Good Die Young - Billy Joel
Smiling Up The Frown - Agents Of Good Roots
No More Words - Berlin
It's On - Korn
Deserve It - Madonna
Starlight - Muse
Jailhouse Rock - Elvis Presley
The Union Forever - The White Stripes
The Vampires Of New York - Marcy Playground
Burning Dog - Sugar Ray

A nice list, if I do say so myself.

I just can't seem to slow down. Tonight we're running to Costco and picking up the house because it's the only free time we have.

Tomorrow - yard work, driving range, haircut, laundry.

Sunday - off to my mom's to try to help her figure out her computer. I'll try to blog for you from then.

Pictures from Florida are on their way. Back to Columbus for work next week.

Peace out.

Incarcerated

On Tuesday, just a day after returning from our wedding trip in Florida, we dropped Sasha off at a 4 week board and train obedience program. I know it's going to do great things for her, but the spousal unit and I miss her immensely already. The house is so quiet now! Ripley, on the other hand, is thrilled to be back on top of the petting and attention totem pole. This is the closest they've ever been to buddy buddy.

Poor Roscoe has a stufffed up, snotty nose. He had a swollen bump on one side so we suspect that snapping at yellowjackets may have paid off in an unexpected way for him. At first it was just noisy breathing (I dubbed him Dog Vader), but then it progressed to sneezing and flying mucus. Fun stuff. Good thing Benadryl works for dogs too.

And to leave you with some fun....you think driving in Manhattan or downtown San Francisco is bad? Check this out.

Some people's children

So last week on my business trip I got stuck in a middle seat towards the back of the plane. Having achieved frequent flyer status for the past 5 years, I've become accustomed to aisle or middle seats in the front of the coach section, exit row seats, and the occasional first class upgrade. I forgot what it was like to rough it in steerage.

After wedging myself and my things into my meager alloted space, I watched a couple with a baby and a toddler seat themselves in the aisle in front of me. This appeared to be the first time they had flown together as a family. The excited toddler was given the window seat and promptly barraged his father with questions.

I steeled myself for a stressful flight, consoled slightly by the fact that I needed to work and wouldn't be able to relax anyway. To my delight, the father pulled out a portable DVD player to keep his young son entertained.

The catch? He allowed the boy to use it without headphones. Everyone in the vicinity was treated to the sounds of Curious George and Blue's Clues throughout the flight.

Given that I was focused on making some sense out of a very poorly written document I was reviewing, I can't say that the noise really bothered me. But I did find it incredibly rude and ironic that this couple decided that the best way to keep their son out of their hair was to disturb all the passengers around them.

It could have been worse, I guess. They could have played Barney.