Seeking Position: Circus Wardrobe Consultant

So Sunday I decided to attempt to move beyond my wildly successful first attempt at sewing (yes, I know, I still owe you a picture of my curtains - as soon as I get them hung, I promise), going from the relatively simple arena to the more difficult realm of clothing.

I picked out a nice, stretchy aqua fabric to create a pair of gaucho pants to wear as a swimsuit coverup. The result was to look like this green pair:

Mistake number one: the pattern has distinct cutting lines for each size. Thinking that I could use it in the future to create gifts for friends who do not wear the same size as I do, I decided not to cut at my own size but rather cut so that the pattern would accomodate all sizes.

Here's a tip: one set of curtains does not a successful seamstress make.

Mistake number two: attempting to cut this slippery, slidey s!@t on our hardwood floors. The pattern had nice, straight lines. My lines looked like this:

The mistakes listed above manifested themselves in two separate ways when I sewed the two pant legs I had created together. Not only was one pant leg about 3 inches wider than the other, but the waistline on one side was about 2 inches shorter than on the other.

Was I disheartened? Somewhat, but I kept going. I evened up the widths (they could just be a little less gaucho-ey). Cutting down the waist would make the pants extreme hip-huggers, but hey, it's cute for your bikini to peek out above your pants, right? Right?

I pressed on.

My next task was to create the yoke (guy translation - waist) for the pants. This went smashingly until I hit the stage where I was to attach the yoke to the pants. There was no way this could work! Brow furrowed, I perused the instructions and realized they were written so poorly that I had entirely botched the first step in creating the yoke. Resisting the urge to shred the pants to pieces, I attempted to fix the issue with a seam ripper, but knew at this point that the pants were likely no longer wearable.

Finally, I attached the yoke to the pants. They were looking much better than I'd expected, and I began to hope I might wear them yet. But when I turned them right-side out, I discovered that I'd attached the side waist seams of the yoke to the center of the pants. For you gents, try imagining that the button and zipper of your jeans is on your hip.

Then, there's this. Don't ask me how I did this.

The spousal unit insisted I model the pants, and we both had a good laugh.

Have I given up on making pants? Hell no. I spent $8.50 on that pattern, dammit, and I want something to show for it. But the swimsuit coverup? I'm heading to Old Navy today at lunch.