Thursday, August 16, 2007

Escape Fron Barrenithia

Yesterday the spousal unit and I had our initial visit with a fertility doctor. Based on the diagnoses we've received so far, we fully expected to start right with IVF to get me knocked up. However, the doctor seemed to think we should give IUI a try first, so that's the road we're headed down.

For the nonbarren, IVF = Petri dish. IUI = turkey baster. Need more info? Go here. Man I'm a smartass today.

I'm really lucky - my health insurance pays for both IUI and IVF. I've struggled with the option of going straight to IVF. On one hand, why the hell not? The odds of getting a bun in my oven are 60% on one try as opposed to 30% over 3 monthly cycles of IUI. On the other hand...IVF is so much more invasive. Shots every day (did I mention that I HATE needles?), surgical egg harvesting, multiple ultrasounds, daily doctor visits.

Ultimately my cheap ass will let the cost make the decision. I believe it will be about $500 out of pocket for one IVF cycle. For the IUI, at this point it's who the fuck knows. My insurance coverage is good, but navigating their byzantine set of guidelines and exclusions and preauthorizations is fucking maddening. Let's just say it will probably be less than $100 a pop.

So let's talk about drugs.

I'll be taking Clomid to stimulate multiple egg folicles. Yes folks, I could end up with twins (Possibly more, but I choose to believe that if I don't think about it, it won't happen)! And there are side effects. The most common is hot flashes. A preview of menopause - whee!!!!!!

And the spousal unit gets to stab me in the ass with a syringe to force me to ovulate. I'm sure he'll love every minute of have a really hard time with that.

And the grand finale? Shove a catheter up my cervix (luckily I'm prepared for this after having the HSG. Did I just say luckily about having a foreign body rammed where nothing was meant to be rammed? Sheesh), sending a brigade of only the strongest of the spousal unit's little soldiers (sperm only, semen can cause an infection) to try and conquer one or more of those hormonally stupefied eggs.

How jealous are you right now?


Sarah Ashlee said...

Ohh - Best of luck in whichever way you decide is best for you...and the spousal unit!

mur said...

Hmmm, We guys certainly miss out on all the fun.

Tanya Espanya said...

Good luck!

Come to Buffalo, it'll help with the needles... (no, it won't, but it will be a good distraction for you).

chelene said...

I wish you good luck and good ovulation!

Anonymous said...

Ovarian Hyperstimulation is a relatively common complication of in-vitro fertilisation procedures using Clomiphene Citrate.
Watch for this girlfriend

In University I operated an IVF(In-Vivo Fertilisation) service in my Fraternity room. "Pregnancy or your money cheerfully refunded" was my catch phrase.
Made a bundle!

Anonymous said...

The Paternity suits are killing me now though.

mur said...

Lol, That's a novel approach to seduction Rhet. Much more original than the old 'see my etchings' line.

Slave to the dogs said...

Sarah - thanks. We've decided to try the IUI first.

Mur - no you don't - you get to ejaculate into a cup!

Tanya - I would love to but the timing is incredibly bad for me. Next time, I promise.

Chelene - the ovaries looked great at the ultrasound this morning, so perhaps your luck is taking hold!

Rhet - thanks, I'll wastch for that. And don't most frat boys want to NOT impregnate their conquests? I guess that was a unique angle for you.

Mur - see my etchings? Is that an Aussie thing?

mur said...

I think it's an olde, 50-60s, rat-packish pick up line...back when people etched?
Gunna have to google it now.