Monday, August 13, 2007

An open letter to sloppy bastards

I attended the second wedding of the summer over the weekend and have noticed an extremely disturbing trend regarding the casualization of male attire. This seems to be especially the case the further west you are of the Mississipi. In my years of business travel, I've long noticed that Eastern workplaces are still more formal than those out West. Generally I'm OK with that, but it really ruffles my feathers to see it appplied to occassions such as nuptials that will always call for a sense of decorum.

I've put together a list of my complaints. Gents, if this applies to you, hear me and hear me well!

  • Shorts are NEVER, EVER, EVER appropriate for a wedding. But it's on the beach, you cry! Find a comfy pair of linen slacks, I retort.

  • Wearing a $100-plus silk leisure shirt does not make up for the fact that you are wearing shorts to a wedding.

  • Leather flip-flops do NOT count as dress shoes.

  • You are entirely defeating the point of wearing a neatly pressed long-sleeved button down shirt if you refuse to tuck it in. Better to go with the silk leisure shirt if bunching at your waist concerns you.

  • Crocs are only appropriate for the garden if you are over the age of 10.

This last wedding also saw a blatant female offender who was attired in a snow-white dress, the ultimate show of disrespect to the bride. She'd just had a baby and may not have had any other dresses that fit, but how hard is it to borrow a colorful belt or a shawl? Humph.


Anonymous said...

"...but how hard is it to borrow a colorful belt or a shawl?..."

Damn hard!
I have tried and all I got for my trouble were two arrests and three restraining orders!

Casualisation has infected the Canandas as well. At least we still do not put a 'Z' where an 'S' should properly go.
So far anyway.

Slave to the dogs said...

Rhet - next time try asking permission before touching and avoid saying "cunt". Let me know how that works.

Oh...and what's up with your comments on your blog? I really liked that last poem you posted.

Slave to the dogs said...

"At least we still do not put a 'Z' where an 'S' should properly go."

Heh. I don't think that has as much to do with casualIZE-ing as it does with rebelling against our British roots. It's fun, you Canadians should try it sometime!

chelene said...

There's no excuse for wearing white to someone else's wedding but yet I've been to two weddings where it happened.

Women have also taken the casual thing too far at weddings. Sundresses and straw hats just because it's an afternoon wedding? Come on!

Slave to the dogs said...

Chel - do these women live under a rock? I can understand the men, because so many of them are little more than shaved apes. But we ladies don't have that excuse!

mur said...

Ha, shorts and flip-flops, or as we call them 'thongs'. It sounds like an Aussie barbecue!

Slave to the dogs said...

Mur - we used to call them thongs here too. I think the explosion of women wearing thong underwear in the early 90s changed that. And that sounds like perfect attire for any BBQ, Aussie or otherwise. But not a wedding!

BeckEye said...

My brother's second wedding was at a park in July, and they requested everyone wear summer clothes, including shorts. It was extremely casual, kind of like a big family picnic, and that's exactly how they wanted it. It was one of the best weddings I ever attended!