A tale of no baggies

The spousal unit and I are having doubts about taking our golf clubs to Aruba.

We went on our first trip to Europe in 1999. 5 days in Paris, 3 in Amsterdam, 5 in London, 3 in Glasgow, and 2 in Edinburgh (the father-in-law unit is Scottish).

We spent many hours deciding on just the right choices and amount of clothing to bring. We borrowed an extra suitcase from a girlfriend as we were still very young and underattache'd.

When we touched down in Paris, out of habit the spousal unit went to hunt down an appropriate place to smoke. This was before we realized that the French smoke everywhere. After this we faced a daunting Customs line. Finally, we arrived at the baggage carousel, but the spousal unit's borrowed suitcase was nowhere to be found.

You know what a pain in the tuckus it is to fill out a missing bag claim? Well, try doing it in French when you don't speak French. United Airlines gave us a weak excuse for an overnight kit and sent us on our way, telling us to call in periodically to check on the bag. Neither of us had a cell phone yet.

Exhausted from the long flight, we found our way to our Parisian hotel. Our bodies wanted to wilt into the small, bowed mattress in our room, but our minds told us that was a bad idea at 2 PM Paris time. So we went out and explored the area surrounding the hotel for a few hours. The spousal unit didn't have a single change of clothes, so we were hoping to encounter a boutique but were disappointed. After dining at one of the many Tex-Mex (that's right, Tex-Mex) restaurants in the area, we retired.

First thing the next morning I called the airline. After some lost-in-translation confusion, it was determined that the bag had not yet been found. So we decided to again make an effort to find some fresh garments for the spousal unit. This was Sunday.

I do not recommend trying to shop for anything in Europe on a Sunday. That famous Euro work-ethic (which in actuality I'm extremely envious of) extends to retail.

In a brief moment of ingenuity, we looked for a Gap in a local phone book. If there's any place that would cater to Americans needing to get their clotheshound fix while the French are cherishing their precious personal time, it's The Gap. We were not disappointed.

And so it went each day in Paris. Morning unfruitful conversations with United. But on the day we were scheduled to leave, we received a ray of hope: they had found our bag! It was being sent over to the hotel ASAP! After breakfast, we rushed back to the welcoming arms of our hotel desk clerk, who had a gift for us.

A bag. Not our bag. This was initially just a suspicion but was confirmed when we pulled out a rather large pair of underpants and a gossip rag printed in Russian.

Running dangerously late for catching our train to Amsterdam, we hurriedly called United back and left the bag with the bewildered clerk.

United never found our bag. We shopped again in Amsterdam (MUCH easier, I think the Dutch speak better English than most Americans) and did some laundry. Somehow we still managed to enjoy ourselves immensely.

OUr state of elation was quickly eliminated when we arrived home to a $250 phone bill for calls to United's American lost bags number, and the discovery that we were only eligible by law to $600 per lost bag (this law has since been amended. That paltry amount didn't even begin to cover 3 weeks worth of European Vacation clothes and shoes.

And now, we both have expensive new golf clubs. So you can understand our reluctance. Does anybody know if you can pay to up the liability for items lost internationally by an airline? If not, will my homeowner's insurance cover it?