I'm So White

Here's a quickie I can share with you that should make you chuckle.

I've had the Timbaland song Just The Way I Are playing in my head nonstop. Despite my dismay at the grammatical incoherence of the title, the words are catchy and the beat is reminiscent of his work with my shameless crush JT.

So I've had these words running through my head:

I don't need the cheese on my crackers
Boy I like you just the way you are

Well, the real line is:

I don't need the G's or the car keys

Hmmm. Would you have guessed that I grew up in a small town where the black population was possibly only 2 digits long? Or that I live in a pretty damn caucasian state now? I think you would.

But...

That doesn't stop me from thinking that the Jena 6 were/are being extremely unfairly punished. The white adults in Jena that allowed this situation to escalate and explode with these ridiculous charges, and most especially DA Reed Walters, have a special hot seat in Hell waiting for them.

Blah-g

Where is my motivation? I have some funny doggy pictures I want to post, but I'm too lazy to add captions to them.

I have more entertaining travel anecdotes swirling around in my head, but can't manage to materialize them to keyboard.

Right now the most mesmerizing thing I have to say is that I just enjoyed a divine frozen custard swirled with peanut butter. How's that for a literary device, huh?

I can't even summon the minimal amount of wit required to mock Britney Spears.

Oh, you freaky readers

I've had a rash of folks hit my blog lately from Google searches. As usual, I have to shake my head when I see what people out there are looking for.

First, we have the fertile-ly challenged, like myself, who are looking to go straight to ivf. But humans aren't the only species that have difficulty reproducing. Luckily, there are fellow doggy lovers out there who are interested in using clomiphene citrate with dogs.

We also have some kinkier canine coddlers, who are just searching for a wife slave with dog. As the spousal unit pointed out, you never know what to expect from the French.

And let's not forget the junkies. Enterprising addicts utilize tools on the Internet to get their meth hints.

Let's hope he left the private jet at home

Look guys...Ali Larter from Heroes looks stunning in this red dress.

But would somebody please tell me what the hell Al Gore is doing at the Emmy awards ceremony? Making sure it's green, no doubt.

No bebe

Turns out it was just Aunt Flo, taunting me. We've got a consult with Dr. Makeababy today to figure out the next steps.

Quickening?

Could it be, folks? I'm not due to find out for sure until next week, but there have been some possible signs.

The twins are sore. Now, this is a normal PMS symptom for me, but it seems a little different this time. Extremely sensitive headlights. Could be entirely psychosomatic, and not enough of a sign on its own.

Today I did a regular yoga class for the first time in awhile. I'm forgoing the Bikram until post-delivery - it's too risky for my taste. While in cobra pose, I began to feel a vein pulsing internally. This vein was in the uteral vicinity. This has never happened to me before. Is there a reason my blood seemed a bit more anxious than normal to flow to that particular region?

Stay tuned!

An unexpected sibling

I'm so embarassed about this.

A few months ago I found a blogger, via justacoolcat and Beckeye, who was holding an Adopt an Actor auction. I requested an actor, but then promptly forgot which blogger was holding this fabulous fete.

I just stumbled back onto Splotchy's blog today, and discovered that to make it official, I have to post my request on my own blog.
.
So...without further adieu, I give you our possible-child's adopted older brother, Mister Tom Skerritt.

Do you think he didn't notice?

Yesterday I took my flight home from Boston. And no, I was not concerned about flying on 9/1l. I seriously doubt that another plane-bomb attack will be attempted on that date in the forseeable future. But the flight was very empty, and I was afforded a coveted exit-row seat.

Unfortunately, this seat was near the toilet. An older businessman (normally I'd refer to him as a gentleman, but not in this case) across the aisle from me kept ducking into the toilet. Whenever he emerged, I was immediately assaulted with the most horrific odor. Seriously, I think the guy was committing war crimes in there. At first I thought it was the bathroom itself, but I noticed that the odor was not present when other passengers left the crime scene.

So did he not care about the torture he was submitting his fellow passengers to? Or do you think he felt so crappy all he was interested in was just evacuating the toxic waste from his body? His demeanor was annoyingly pleasant otherwise, so I have my doubts about the latter option. I think maybe it smelled of roses to him, because it was his.

But you'd think the nasty faces and dramatic arm hand waving in front of my nose from me might have clued him that it was not so.

Reprieve

I look like part of the table down here, don't I?

The female alpha has been gone for days. I think the evil white dog has gone and scared her away.

I don't need to hide down here right now. The alpha male has taken the evil white dog off to wherever it is she gets taken. I'm sure it's somewhere they'd never take me. Bitch.

But until the evil white dog gets back back, I'll resume my role as The Queen. It's good to be queen.

Oh, and please don't blame the quality of this photo on me. Unlike the female alpha, I don't have opposable thumbs and am thus incapable of cleaning the camera lens.

An excerpt

From the funniest show on television:

Cheryl: Where've you been?
Larry: Eatin' some penis.

Welcome back, Curb. I've missed you.

Ketchup!

Hello bloggies! How I've missed you all.

I'm in Boston for the weekend for a wedding reception. They got married in June in NM but his mother is having a reception for them here. I've been friends with her since high school - nearly 20 years! It's so odd to think I've known anyone for that long.

Anybody up for meeting in Beantown on Sunday? Shopping on Newbury street?

So, to catch up....

I had to sign up for MySpace for a book club. Oh, how it sucks you in to its evil ways! Check out MyKerpupples if you're interested.

And I owe you some details on our little fertilization experiment.

It didn't go as well as hoped. Not as many little swimmers as they like to see. Stupid nurse kept babbling and yammering all the while failing to get the stupid catheter into my cervix. She had to take the instrument of torture speculum out to start over and asked if I'd prefer another nurse continue. I responded with a very enthusiastic "Yes". Anyway, the doc wants to have another consultation with us. I'm thinking if we're not knocked up this round she's going to want to move us straight to IVF next cycle.

I should have known the day boded ominous when one of these little fellows commited harikari by flying head-on into one of our picture windows the morning before the procedure. I had to threaten Ripley with harm to get her to drop him. Little fellow was gorgeous, but alas, his poor neck had snapped like a twig.

I Wish I Were Here...

I'm just one lost soul swimming in a work bowl......year after year.

I miss you all and will be back as soon as I can. I think we have the big IUI procedure this weekend so I'll be sure to update you after that.

The itch

Hay fever is kicking my eyes in the ass (How can eyes have an ass, you ask? Think of where the location of an eyeball's ass would be. That's my brain. Little more than the posterior of a ball of jelly). I have prescription allergy drops (Patanol) and Benadryl in my system but they aren't helping like they usually do.

Any recommendations? Pharmaceutical and holistic solutions alike welcome.

I am taking clomiphene citrate to turn me into an egg factory. I don't recall this as a side effect, but the symptoms did seem to coincide with starting to take these pills. Will have to Google any possible corelations.

weekend at Bernie's

Not Bernie's. Georgie's. As in H.W. Bush. OK, not at Georgie's. Near Georgie's. Semantics, bah.

Last weekend I had a company meeting in Kennebunkport, ME. Lovely place, Maine, but damn chilly for August. I can't imagine wintering there. Our hotel was just around the bend from the Bush compound. Wouldn't that be cool, to have not just a summer house but a compound? Here's a picture of the place.

As we were leaving we saw some cars pull up and a bunch of people pile out in front of the main house. Likely some of the lesser Bush clanspeople. A colleague's wife actually saw Papa Bush out sailing and took a photograph.

One of my colleauges went to India to get married in June (we were invited to the wedding - received the invite the week of the ceremony. Wouldn't it have been a hoot to show up? Oh, and there were 1800 people at the reception. Good thing food is cheap there). His wife was at the meeting and she appears to still dress in traditional Indian style. I had to compliment her on her saris - such a beautiful, colorful form of dress (no Chelene, I don't think they come in all black). Some genius came up with the suggestion that all the women should wear saris to our Christmas party. I'd feel like a huge poseur trying to wear one myself.

Unfortately the weekend was all business and I didn't get to pick up a tchotchke for our travel bathroom as I'd hoped. Such a shame, as the streets were lined with adorable shops. The spousal unit got to poke around the town while I worked on Saturday. We're thinking we'll go back some time, maybe take the mother-in-law.

Here's a video from the plane ride home. It still doesn't do the storm justice.

Feeling soooooooo sexy

Chelene just posted about bringing sexy back. I can relate to that feeling today. I may even have ya beat, girlfriend.

We've decided to go the IUI route for the fertility treatment. I started things off today with a baseline ultrasound. It's day 3 of my cycle.

Think about that one for a second.

I'm glad the tech was female. Very, very glad.

On the positive side, I've got some great looking ovaries.

Escape Fron Barrenithia

Yesterday the spousal unit and I had our initial visit with a fertility doctor. Based on the diagnoses we've received so far, we fully expected to start right with IVF to get me knocked up. However, the doctor seemed to think we should give IUI a try first, so that's the road we're headed down.

For the nonbarren, IVF = Petri dish. IUI = turkey baster. Need more info? Go here. Man I'm a smartass today.

I'm really lucky - my health insurance pays for both IUI and IVF. I've struggled with the option of going straight to IVF. On one hand, why the hell not? The odds of getting a bun in my oven are 60% on one try as opposed to 30% over 3 monthly cycles of IUI. On the other hand...IVF is so much more invasive. Shots every day (did I mention that I HATE needles?), surgical egg harvesting, multiple ultrasounds, daily doctor visits.

Ultimately my cheap ass will let the cost make the decision. I believe it will be about $500 out of pocket for one IVF cycle. For the IUI, at this point it's who the fuck knows. My insurance coverage is good, but navigating their byzantine set of guidelines and exclusions and preauthorizations is fucking maddening. Let's just say it will probably be less than $100 a pop.


So let's talk about drugs.

I'll be taking Clomid to stimulate multiple egg folicles. Yes folks, I could end up with twins (Possibly more, but I choose to believe that if I don't think about it, it won't happen)! And there are side effects. The most common is hot flashes. A preview of menopause - whee!!!!!!

And the spousal unit gets to stab me in the ass with a syringe to force me to ovulate. I'm sure he'll love every minute of have a really hard time with that.

And the grand finale? Shove a catheter up my cervix (luckily I'm prepared for this after having the HSG. Did I just say luckily about having a foreign body rammed where nothing was meant to be rammed? Sheesh), sending a brigade of only the strongest of the spousal unit's little soldiers (sperm only, semen can cause an infection) to try and conquer one or more of those hormonally stupefied eggs.

How jealous are you right now?

I/O Error

As in, Idiot Operator.

It's amazing how the quality of the pictures your camera takes improves after cleaning the lens.

Check the post below for an updated photo of the curtains if you're interested. They look much nicer.

An open letter to sloppy bastards

I attended the second wedding of the summer over the weekend and have noticed an extremely disturbing trend regarding the casualization of male attire. This seems to be especially the case the further west you are of the Mississipi. In my years of business travel, I've long noticed that Eastern workplaces are still more formal than those out West. Generally I'm OK with that, but it really ruffles my feathers to see it appplied to occassions such as nuptials that will always call for a sense of decorum.

I've put together a list of my complaints. Gents, if this applies to you, hear me and hear me well!

• Shorts are NEVER, EVER, EVER appropriate for a wedding. But it's on the beach, you cry! Find a comfy pair of linen slacks, I retort.


• Wearing a $100-plus silk leisure shirt does not make up for the fact that you are wearing shorts to a wedding.


• Leather flip-flops do NOT count as dress shoes.


• You are entirely defeating the point of wearing a neatly pressed long-sleeved button down shirt if you refuse to tuck it in. Better to go with the silk leisure shirt if bunching at your waist concerns you.


• Crocs are only appropriate for the garden if you are over the age of 10.

This last wedding also saw a blatant female offender who was attired in a snow-white dress, the ultimate show of disrespect to the bride. She'd just had a baby and may not have had any other dresses that fit, but how hard is it to borrow a colorful belt or a shawl? Humph.

We the Simpsons

Because I've been way too busy to be creative, I'm going to completely rip off Beckeye and post myself and the spousal unit as we would appear on The Simpsons. I have bangs now and don't usually wear my glasses (which I really should do more often, they are Lulu Guinness with the most adorable bling), but you get the gist.



That photo of me was taken with our now-defunct camera. Clearly it once functioned properly. No word back yet from Costco, BTW. I think they are stalling, hoping I'll just go away.

On another note....

Why is it that so many of the womeen out there in the workforce are either twits or bitches? They give us competent, reasonable gals too much to make up for. Grrr.

@!$#JIOE

So if any of you clicked on the curtains pic in my last post, you'll no doubt notice the extremely poor quality of the photo.

I think my digital camera is skrood. Which really blows because we just got it over a year ago. Tons of noise on the digital display which seems to also transfer to the picture itself.

You know the worst part? This thing got the highest rating from Consumer Reports. Love the size but the picture quality has degraded to being nearly worthless.

Suggestions on where to go next?

UPDATE: I've emailed Costco where we purchased the camera to see if they will still do an exchange. We'll see how fabulous their return policy really is.

A peek inside the catacombs

She climbs to the top of the stepladder to drill the holes into which she will screw the final curtain rod mount.

Damn, holding this drill at eye level on a ladder is awkward! Aha...done. Screw in the last mount, and you can finally hang the frickin' things. I can't believe you're hanging curtains in August that you made in February!!!

Movement at the front window caught her eye. A hummingbird was querying the feeder, empty for months, for a sip of nectar. She brightens at the sight. The feeder had been given up long ago as hung too far from the edge of the porch to attract any of the delightful little birds. She watched the tiny creature try for a few more seconds before it flitted away.

I need to refill it! Quick, do it now before you forget!

She climbs down the ladder and walks out the front door to retrieve the feeder.

Crap - I forgot how high this thing is. Oh, and I had to jerry-rig it by tying yarn through the loop on the top to the chain extended from the ceiling of the porch. I don't want to bring the ladder out here...let me just cut this yarn with the shears that are next to the orchid next to the front door inside.

With a quick snip, she frees the feeder and carries it inside to the sink and opens it for a refill.

How much sugar do I use? I'd better go Google that.

She walks to her laptop, then realizes how distracted she has become. Is it any wonder it's taken her this long to hang those damn curtains?

Right. Back to the task at hand.

She remounts the step ladder and reaches for the screwdriver to finish screwing in the mount. It's not there.

OK...I must have carried it out to the feeder. Whee, isn't this fun? The twit on the ladder goes up and down, up and down....

She retraces her steeps between the porch, the sink, and the ladder. No trace of the screwdriver, and she's now a half hour further into the task than she'd have liked. Managing to avoid giving up in disgust, she resorts to using the heavy cordless drill to finish installling the mount screws.

She hangs the curtains, and is quite pleased with herself at the result. These are the first items she's ever sewn.

Many hours later when she checks her email before bed, she discovers the elusive screwdriver next to her laptop. She shakes her head, bemused at the fact that she manages to get anything done.

On perspective

Check out this picture.

You may ask, how did you hang the evil Sasha from the couch? But then here is her same pose from a different angle:

Freaky dog likes to lie on her side with her legs up in the air against the wall/couch/whatever vertical surface she's next to.

Next, I have to rant about the guy in my row on my flight home from Cool-umbus yesterday (the trip which explains why I've been so quiet all week). You know those wealthy folks who go to pains to say and demonstrate that they are not but then in the same breath make statements that illustrate they have no clue how normal they're really not? That was this guy.

"Oh, JK Rowling won't write any more books. That's what she said when I met her. I'm weird, I'm a book collector. My father had a bunch of books that turned out to be worth 1.4 million, and I couldn't afford to insure them (?) so I had to turn them over to the Royal Museum to keep them safe. So now I'm collecting Harry Potter first editions and I just paid $15,000 for this one. I'm visiting my wife's family who is from Colorado and will never leave. We bought into a ranch in the foothills with them, and we paid $300,000 for some property in Frisco that she got offered $3 million for last week. Her brother has a real nice house in, Cherry...what's it called? Across from the country club? [Note: this is Cherry Creek, arguably the poshest neighborhood in the entire state] It's nice, but they have no land! We have 50 acres outside Columbus. My wife made us get horses, she was raised with them. Her brother is making me play polo tomorrow, I really don't get that sport."

And on and on and on and on......Did I mentioned the guy seemed rather self-centered? He must have recalled his therapist's instructions at some point, because he did manage to ask me and our fellow rowmate where we lived, but that was about it.

And finally, Sarah Ashlee makes an excellent point on the lack of the subject of this post that Americans and specifically our media are exhibiting.

Tidbits

Thanks Entourage, for clueing me in to the fact that people like to have sex dressed up as a furry mascot.

Will Ferrell writes the dictionary!

Environmentally friendly (but racially exclusionary?) Google.

Things you never wanted to know about me

Sarah Ashlee has tagged me!

Rules (shamelessly copied and pasted from her blog) are:

• Players start with 7 random facts/habits about themselves.


• People who are tagged need to write their own blog posts with their 7 things as well as these rules.


• You need to tag 7 others and list their names on your blog.


• Remember to leave a comment for them letting them know they have been tagged and to read your blog.

So here's my list of seven random things about me.

1. My memory about random things people do/say is uncanny. I was travelling to Michigan for work with a group of colleagues for an extended amount of time and we discovered that I remembered what everyone ordered at the restaurants we frequented.

2. I had no interest in having children until I turned 30.

3. I'm generally not afraid of the creepy-crawly things that make most females shriek. Snakes, worms, spiders, bees....none of these creatures really bother me. The only bugs I can think of that freak me out are centipedes.

4. I've never lived by myself. I went from home to dorm to roomates to boyfriend/spousal unit.

5. President Clinton spoke at my college campus while campaigning for his first term in office. I attended the speech and accidentally happened upon the meet-and-greet line afterwards. Though he was shaking hands with the small child in front of me, he looked me square in the eye and smiled. I thought I was special...who knew?

6. I'm an animal lover, but I detest ferrets. Blame some of those aforementioned roommates for that one.

7. My dream career is to be a stand-up comic. I love to make people laugh.

I know that all the cool kids have already done this meme, so there aren't too many left for me to tag. But if Rhet, PrettyRandomThoughts, Tanya Espanya, and BeckEye haven't done this one yet.....you're it.

Orally violated

At the dentist's office, by a new hygienist. Her name was Kate. I'd never seen her before, and never plan to again.

The process of cleaning teeth is never a pleasant one, but the pain is usually confined to a grimace or two.

Not with Kate.

Kate wielded the scrapey-hook (yes, I'm pretty sure that's the technical term for the instrument) with a firm hand. Kate went deep. I quickly began to regret telling this sadistic excuse for a health care professional that I'd been somewhat negligent in my flossing habits over the past six months.

Dig, scrape, wipe. Dig, scrape, wipe. I fully expected the white bib that had been clipped to my shirt in the usual dignified manner to look like a Jackson Pollock interpretation of a White Stripes album cover by the time Hate Kate had completed my torture session.

At one point when Kate was working in the left side of my mouth, her vigorous stroke met with the curve of a molar and the scrapey-hook slipped. My tongue fled fearfully to the far side of its lair to avoid being filleted.

When it was finally over, I peeked down at the bib and saw one tiny drop of blood. I've never been so relieved at such at anticlimactic moment.

Evil temptation

Look at this bitch. Look at her!

Trots though the door and the alpha humans decide to take her in. What about me? I'm the alpha dog. Don't I get a say?

The alphas are constantly taking her off to some function called "obedience class". I don't know what that is, but they go in the car, which means it has to be fun. Ripley's not much for the car, but I try to get in with the humans whenever they go anywhere. Needless to say, my exclusion from this "obedience class" does not please me.

And oh, does Sasha tease. Flaunts that delicious, slender little figure in front of me constantly. Makes me want to bite her and ride her simultaneously. And I try. Damn, do I try. But these parts of mine won't seem to do what I want them to.

Let's not overlook how she tries to take Ripley's spot as top bitch. Sasha may be slim and sexy, but my brick house will always own my doggy heart. No amount of snapping, or food-stealing, or toy-hording will change that, Sasha!

Thanks for listening, humans. I'm off to chase squirrels in my dreams (at least that's what the humans think I'm dreaming about - check out my twitchy foot).

Random 10 Randoms

Unite - The Beastie Boys
Midnight Show - The Killers
He Can Only Hold Her - Amy Winehouse
(Another Song) All Over Again - Justin Timberlake
Good Luck Charm - Elvis Presley
Get Ready - Sublime
If Things Were Perfect - Moby
Red Natty Dread - Garnett Silk
W.M.A. - Pearl Jam
All Along The Watchtower (Live) - Dave Matthews Band

I was hoping for a Christmas song in the mix. Something about July maybe? Also was using some pumpkin body scrub that I nabbed on clearance and started drooling for pumpkin pie. What sort of seasonal things do you crave out-of-season?

For those of you who don't read the Manolo, check out this hilarious soda ad. I think it's a play on the cheesy Fanta commercials.


I'll be going dark over the weekend since Harry Potter finíto comes out tomorrow and I'll be a) in the mountains and b) not receiving my copy until whenever Amazon's Super Saver shipping kicks in. It's going to be a challenge with TV and radio to avoid spoiling the ending.

Since the kerpupples don't read Potter, one of them may drop in.

Let us count the ways....

In which the following advertisement (date unknown) is WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!



You'll need to click on the image above in order to read it. Here's the list I've started:

• If this is the 50s, the marriage sounded entirely normal to me. What's the problem? Or have I seen too much Leave it to Beaver (Hey, hmm, beaver, indifference, lack of freshness....maybe there was something to that show after all)?


• So say that it wasn't normal. The first cause you dream up is that your hooha stinks


• The doctor-recommended solution is to pour chemical air purifier down the offending hole


• You buy that recommendation


• After following the doctor's orders, you feel sexy enough to let your husband go spelunking


• A husband of that era would actually let his wife sit on his newspaper

There's still tons to add here, so let's hear it, readers!

A joyous return

Hola compadres! I have returned from the relaxing, nature-communing rafting trip down the Colorado river from Colorado into Utah refreshed and renewed. Then today I received some wonderful news that has propelled me back into blogdom again.

Remember my first attempt at The Manolo's Build the Outfit? Well, I tried it again for his next contest. And this time, I won! The thrill of being chosen is at least as delightful as the free shoes I'll receive. Perhaps a second career as a Hollywood stylist is possible? At any rate, it was great fun.

I also want to extend my thanks to my dear dog Ripley for filling in while I was unable to form any worthwhile posts on my own.

My master makes me groan

Hello humans, this is Ripley. The alpha female has given me permission to blog here while she takes a break.


Yes, this is a much younger picture of me. You got a problem with that? It's a tough world for us old bitches.

Alpha female may have told you that alpha male is extremely fond of puns. I don't know what that is, it is not in my vocabulary of food, sleep, good dog, bad dog, and outside and its corollaries potty, walk, and mail. But he likes them, and they make the alpha female groan.

Last night before bed the alphas were watching the television (which sometimes makes the doorbell magically ring, wretched device) and saw a preview for something called "The Omen 666". The alpha female had previously viewed this with the alpha male, who had apparently never seen the original version. Neither of the alphas seemd to be impressed.

When this preview came on, the alpha male quipped, "This is a Bad Omen."

The alpha female protested louder than usual at this.

The alphas are headed off on a weekend trip rafting the Colorado river. Meanies are dumping me, Roscoe, and evil Sasha off at a kennel. My next post shall be seething with resentment.

Hiatus

I need a break.

I created this blog to be an exercise in writing, not the diary it's morphed into. I'm feeling a strong lack of creativity and I'm getting almost no feedback, so it's time to shut down for awhile.

Best. Sorry to bore.

Diggin' on Polygin'

So another fabulous HBO drama has bitten the dust. I'm still quietly fuming over the end of Deadwood (cocksuckers!), and I feared I'd be suffering from severe Sopranos withdrawal. I needn't have worried - the creative team at the cable network has come to my rescue again with the second season of Big Love. It's a fascinating look at the Mormon practice of polygamy (both in traditional and nontraditional sense) and how it's viewed by the majority of the Mormon population.

I will admit to being extremely skeptical about the show when the first season started. Who wants to watch a show about folks who can't even drink a Coke, much less add some sizzle by getting hooked on blow? But I was drawn in by the amazingly complex relationship between all the Henricksons and the blatant hypocrisies of the Grant family at The Compound. Intrigued by gay henchman polygamists, former Mormon support groups, and backlash skinheads? Big Love is for you. Anyone who can resist being drawn like a fly to shit to a family where, as Adaleen Grant says, "I am my own grandmother" or to a culture where sex outside of marriage is forgiveable but being a surrogate mother is not has a stronger will than I.

I hear the creator of Deadwood has refocused his attention on John From Cincinnati, so I'll check that out. The spousal unit says it's weird, which given my love for Six Feet Under and Carnivale is a good omen.

Weekend toy teaser....

UPDATE: Yes, the spousal unit brought one of these home over the weekend. 4 door black Sahara. Very cool. Will post pics.

Random 10 - Roto Rooted

Jesse's Girl - Rick Springfield
I Really Like You - Melissa Etheridge
I Love New York - Madonna
White Shadows - Coldplay
Rocket Queen - Guns N' Roses
Blood And Roses - Pat DiNizio
Jungle Boogie - Kool & The Gang
Train In Vain - The Clash
Mirror In The Bathroom - The English Beat
I Wish You Could Be Me - Korn

Some of you may remember that the spousal unit and I have been trying unsuccessfully to reproduce. I've recently started a fertility workup, and yesterday I had a hysterosalpingogram. Even though I prepped with a Valium (I don't do well at all with medical procedures), I still shrieked like a little girl when that dye went coursing through those teeny weeny tunnels. Thankfully, all appears to be normal.

I know my readers are big Dakota Fanning admirers - did you know she's also a fashion muse? I discovered this recently thumbing through a backissue of Vogue at the salon. It doesn't suprise me that she wen't for it, she's so grown up, but boo on you, Mr. Jacobs.

Awww....

Looky what I have to miss when the spousal unit and I head off to Maine in August for my company meeting:



They're playing the night before at Red Rocks. We'll be on a plane headed east during that show. :( Can't decide which I would rather see more. I luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurv Red Rocks and they'd play a broader set there. But the Fillmore is pretty intimate, and I'd really dig seeing them go funky. Especially with all the fans dressed up.

If you want to go to this one, here's a link to buy tix.

Fun with digits

Here is a math trick so unbelievable that it will stump you.


1. Grab a calculator. (you won't be able to do this one in your head)
2. Key in the first three digits of your phone number (NOT the area code)
3. Multiply by 80
4. Add 1
5. Multiply by 250
6. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number
7. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number again.
8. Subtract 250
9. Divide number by 2

Do you recognize the answer??

Fab Femme Former 5

I think it's time for a list. Name your top 5 female characters from TV shows that are no longer with us. Mine are, in no particular order:

Elaine Benes, Seinfeld - Get OUT!!!! Is any more explanation really necessary?

Miranda Hobbes, Sex and the City - She wasn't the prettiest one (or even second or third), but she had sarcasm to die for and won the Most Improved award hands down for hair and wardrobe through the seasons.

Holly Marshall, Land of the Lost - She had a red-and-white plaid shirt, pigtails, and a pet dinosaur. What more could a little tomboy like me ask for? Watch out, Sleestak!

Valerie Cherish, The Comeback - I never thought anyone could pull off more annoying than Larry David in Curb Your Enthusiasm and still be funny, but Lisa Kudrow nailed it. Such a shame there was only one season.

Claire Fisher, Six Feet Under - I really loved how Claire kept finding wackier and wackier men (though Jeremy Sisto not as Billy? Yes indeedy!) and finally ended up with the seemingly boring but actually great guy at the end o the series.

2008: Gotham vs. Gotham?

So maybe you heard in the news today that Michael Bloomberg has changed his party affiliation again to none (from Republican, and before that from Democrat)? Wild speculation abounds. Could the next presidential election give us Mayor vs. Mayor (vs. Dem - ignore that part, it's not consequential to this post :-).

Would love to hear from some folks who have lived under both on this one. I've heard both rants and raves about Rudy. From what I see, Mikey's approval ratings are about double Bush's.

My own personal experience only involves working as a consultant for Bloomberg's bajillion dollar company for 9 months after he had already stepped down. Understood his influence was never gone. And on that basis, I'm truly torn as to whether or not I'd don an I Like Mike button.

He had some confounding and sometimes amazingly effective policies at that place. The cafeteria there? Free. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And the food was good. Argument being keep the peons as close to their desk as possible and they will earn you the most money. Given the nature of their business, I say it was brilliant. We could stand some radical changes in that vein in our political system.

Spent a crapload of money for some bizarre projects in the building. A room-sized water feature that was leaky as hell. Plasma flat-screen monitors in every conference room that had the Windows logo burned into their screens from the screensavers. Fingerprint identification for every desktop login. Effective and cool, but very extreme (and there's a backstory to it). That incident resulted in network security locked down so tight it took 10 times the normal effort as a consultant to get anything done. And the work my employer did for them could probably have been done at about 1/4 the cost if Bloomberg's project management were more attentive and discerning.

Those things I just mentioned? They scare me. They speak of impracticality, braggadocio, and fiscal wantonness. After Bush, who spends budgets like Paris Hilton shops/snorts blow/blows poles/whines, I think we could use a little restraint in the pocketbook, not to mention sensibility and humility.

What say you?

Cross your fingers and toes

I entered a contest over at Manolo's shoe blog. Prize is my forever addiction (as opposed to Chelene's fix of the day, milkshakes) - a pair of shoes!

Here's my entry. Honest criticism is appreciated if you feel like indulging your inner Tim Gunn. I wanted to stand out from the other entries and I think I've done that. Think I maybe should have included some sort of hair accessory though.

Wish me luck!

The epitome of cute

On Saturday we went to dinner with the spousal unit's mother, sister, and her family. We went to one of the best Mexican places in Albuquerque to get our chile fix. The kids had travelled that day and were 2 hours ahead on East Coast time. Between that and lots of chocolate milk before dinner, they didn't stand a chance.

[Land of] Enchantment Road Trip Random 10

You Don't Treat Me No Good - Sonia Dada
Personality Goes A Long Way - Jackson & Travolta, Pulp Fiction
Step Into Christmas - Elton John
All My Life - Foo Fighters
Your Heart Is an Empty Room - Death Cab For Cutie
Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge on Seattle - Nirvana
Walkin' After Midnight - Patsy Cline
How Deep Is Your Love - Bee Gees
Come Together - The Beatles
Kate - Ben Folds Five

Seems that Cat's Beatles tune on his list triggered one of my all-time Fab Four (as well as Foo) favorite ditties on my own. Thanks, Cat.

Family health issues send us back to NM tomorrow. The spousal unit is between contracts and will be gone for 2 weeks. I'll be there until Wednesday when I return home to Colorful Colorado. It will be good to see loved ones, but I'll be working while I'm there, so it's not really time off and I'm sure I'll be glad to get back home.

Just a drop

This is the view out of my hotel room. Check out Sarah Ashlee's post for the inspiration for the photo.

Back home mañana. Sasha Woo is home! Delights and disturbances to report. Soon, I promise. Now, I must sleep.

Do you shave their legs too?

Today I flew to Columbus for work. In the airport in Denver I was in line in the loo behind a woman. According to the embroidery on her tote, her name was Rebekah. Rebakah had her two sons in the ladies' room with her. They appeared to be about 9 and 6 years old. This started the cogs in my head a-turnin'. Isn't that just a bit too old to be taking your male child into the women's restroom? The eldest one, not necessarily the 6 year old. Isn't it reasonable for Rebekah to either send the elder son into the mens'room alone or to trust him to take his brother in with him? And does the fact that it's an airport make a difference?

I thought of my own nephew. Can't imagine he'd be OK with going into the ladies' room with his mom now at 8 years old.

Of course, my brain also used this anecdote to feed my theory that we are coddling our children far too much now. Not preparing them for adulthood. Not the most glaring example of the problem by far, but I do believe it to be true.

Friday's Random 10

Paperback Writer - The Beatles
Right Where It Belongs - Nine Inch Nails
Suffer The Little Children/Hell Is For Children - Pat Benatar
Believe Me Natalie - The Killers
I am the Highway - Audioslave
Ceremony - New Order
Vivaldi: Violin Concerto In G Minor, Op. 12/1, RV 317 - Zina Schiff, Dalia Atla; Israel Philharmonic
Hope - Toad The Wet Sprocket
No Sleep Till Brooklyn - The Beastie Boys
Witchy Woman - The Eagles

No U2 this time, but some NIN and Beasties to make up for it. Join the fun, post yours here.

While Tanya's screaming in pain and Cat is gardening and biking and Chelene is drinking and shopping and dozing this weekend, I'll be chillin' in the mountains. It's a blog-free zone, so I hope you all enjoy your weekend.

$crew All$tate

Does anybody keep up with their insurance costs? I wish I had the time. Especially now.

I was jarred into doing so when I received a letter from my mortgage company saying that unless we made up our escrow shortage, our payments would be going up about $150 per month. Perplexed at the cause of such a shortage, I started going over the details of the account and discovered that our homeowner's insurance went up by 50% this year.

We had a claim in December. Our golf clubs were stolen out of our garage. But 50%? Nuh uh.

I called our agent, who sounded just as appalled as I was on the phone. He hung up to do some research and when he called back, explained that we were being assessed a claim surcharge. Yes, you read that right. And the surcharge was to remain on our account for 3 years. I tried to get our agent to explain to me why we in fact had insurance and shouldn't just be putting money aside to cover our own claims, and he came up with no good answer.

So I put it to him straight. Fix this or we walk. He called me out, saying that we'd get high rates elsewhere because we'd had 2 claims in 3 years.

Knowing an agent's game, I checked around. The first place that came to mind was the company with the commercials that have inspired a sitcom. And what do you know - the rate I was quoted was, drumroll please.................. 25% lower than my rate with All$tate before the surcharge! I was sold.

This prompted me to check into auto insurance rates as well. Thanks to Costco, we're now saving 50% and we even get towing and rental car coverage, which All$tate was not giving us.

I'm waiting to cancel with the extortionists until I get my policy paperwork in the mail. I'm anticipating that phone call like a night of good sex. :)

Moral of the story: never stay complacent when it comes to insurance companies. They'll screw you any way they can.

Tony Soprano for President

The spousal unit recently did some research into the history of La Cosa Nostra in Colorado. Apparently, 2 brothers named Sam and Pete Carlino are the founders of Italian organized crime in the state.

Spousal unit used to work for someone who has confirmed that he is related to these men.

Said former employer is also a leaf in the family tree of Tom Tancredo. You know him, he's the one-issue (anti-immigration) Republican candidate for president.

Is there any connection between the Carlinos and Tancredo? I couldn't find one. But it's delicious to ponder, isn't it? And look at the pictures - don't they look related (humor my by ignoring the fact that it's actually James Gandolfini, who is not a mobster but an upstanding and successful actor)?

Also amazingly ironic is that a politician whose statuse is owed partly to his own culture's backround in US immigration could be so anti Mexican immigrant.

Now I understand...

Why religion is so widespread. Why so many adults find God. I think it's to help them cope with the fact that we human beings do such fucked up shit to each other. On a daily basis. To those we love as well as strangers.

It's not my approach, but I can totally appreciate it.

Notes on Some Movies

Now that we've hit the summer primetime skids, the spousal unit and I are blazing through our Netflix queue. The past 2 nights, we've watched Notes on a Scandal and Babel.

I have yet to watch The Queen, so I can't say how Judi Dench's performance in Notes stacked up Oscarwise to Helen Mirren. But there's something to be said about Dame Dench when Cate Blanchett's affair with a 15 year old isn't the creepiest aspect of the movie.

Babel made it a Blanchett twofer, though Cate graces the screen for far less time than in Notes. This was a film of bad decisions and tragic outcomes. I wanted to wring Gael Garcia Bernal's character's sexy neck. The film was beautifully made, and the cinematography, score, and storylines kept me riveted. I found this film to be far superior to Crash, which followed the same interwoven storyline format.

So far I've seen two of the 3 films from the much-touted "3 Amigos" filmmakers - Babel and Children of Men. I only hope that Pan's Labyrinth is more positive than the first two, both of which left me feeling quite depressed. Even eye candy like Brad Pitt, Bernal, and Clive Owen in Children weren't enough for me to overcome the feeling of despair imparted by the respective plots.

Long Overdue - Food Meme

My friend Tanya tagged me for this post eons ago and I've been mindblowingly busy so I haven't done it. But now that Sarah Ashlee's tagged me too, I guess I'd better get on it.

The rules:

1. Add a direct link to your post below the name of the person who tagged you. Include the city/state and country that you are in.

Nicole (Sydney, Australia)
velverse (Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia)
LB (San Giovanni in Marignano, Italy)
Selba (Jakarta, Indonesia)
Olivia (London, England)
ML (Utah, USA)
Lotus (Toronto, Canada)
tanabata (Saitama, Japan)
Andi (Dallas [ish], Texas, USA)
Todd (Lousiville, Kentucky, USA)
miss kendra (Los Angeles, California, USA)
Jiggs Casey (Berkeley, California, USA)
Tits McGee (New England, USA)
Joe (NE Tennessee, USA)
10K Monkeys (Chattanooga, Tennessee, USA)
Big Stupid Tommy (Athens, Tennessee, USA)
Newscoma (Weakley County, Tennessee, USA)
Finnspace (Springfield, Tennessee, USA)
LeBlanc (Lewisburg, Tennessee, USA)
I Am DisHeartened by My Jetta (Nashville, TN, USA)
Tanya Espanya(Toronto, ON, CA)

2. List out your top five favorite places to eat at your location.

I have sadly not been to many of these places lately. Need to get out more.

Carmine's on Penn - Family style Italian, fun neighborhood, a Denver institution.

Lime - Trendy, inexpensive Mexican in Lower Downtown that outshines most of the sad excuses for Mexican food here. Love the homemade tequila shot they give you alongside their sinful flour tortilla chips and salsa.

Jerusalem - Some of the best falafel I've had anywhere. Eternally busy dive near DU.

Jax- Cozy fish house with locations in LoDo and Boulder. Freshest seafood in town.

Flagstaff House - Go here when someone else is paying or it's a super special occasion. Fine dining with knockout views from Flagstaff Mountain in Boulder.

I also have to give honorable mentions to Sushi Den, The Med, Dozens (I love breakfast!), and Jack N Grill for when I miss New Mexican food.

And because I'm lame, I'm not tagging anyone. But feel free to consider yourself tagged if you've read this and you want to extend the chain.

Tidbits

Stopped at the training school yesterday to drop off Sasha's heartworm pill. Couldn't see her as they didn't want to distract from training. But word is she's sit/stay and heel on command now, and working on up/down, inside/outside, and return to heel. It's going to be very cool to get her back trained. The log had a comment that she bolted after a rabbit one day while training on return to heel. So it's nice to hear that she's having a little fun there too.

Not much of a holiday this weekend. Working on getting the house ready to put on the market. We've had a sump pump put in and the bugger is running every 15 minutes. I think we're literally collecting the entire neighborhood's runoff. Can't wait until that's someone else's problem.

I do get to plant some purty flowers in containers. Running off now to go buy them.

Hope you are all enjoying your holiday!

And if you have to fly through Atlanta, beware the men's bathrooms.

Hi Mom!

So I think the day spent introducing Mom to email and internet basics was a success.

We'll see. I've pointed her to my blog. If she mentions this post, I'll know she made it here successfully.

So...hi Mom. Love ya!!!

Columbus was beautiful today. Couldn't ask for nicer weather. Too bad my client is such a pain in the ass.

Random 10

Only The Good Die Young - Billy Joel
Smiling Up The Frown - Agents Of Good Roots
No More Words - Berlin
It's On - Korn
Deserve It - Madonna
Starlight - Muse
Jailhouse Rock - Elvis Presley
The Union Forever - The White Stripes
The Vampires Of New York - Marcy Playground
Burning Dog - Sugar Ray

A nice list, if I do say so myself.

I just can't seem to slow down. Tonight we're running to Costco and picking up the house because it's the only free time we have.

Tomorrow - yard work, driving range, haircut, laundry.

Sunday - off to my mom's to try to help her figure out her computer. I'll try to blog for you from then.

Pictures from Florida are on their way. Back to Columbus for work next week.

Peace out.

Incarcerated

On Tuesday, just a day after returning from our wedding trip in Florida, we dropped Sasha off at a 4 week board and train obedience program. I know it's going to do great things for her, but the spousal unit and I miss her immensely already. The house is so quiet now! Ripley, on the other hand, is thrilled to be back on top of the petting and attention totem pole. This is the closest they've ever been to buddy buddy.

Poor Roscoe has a stufffed up, snotty nose. He had a swollen bump on one side so we suspect that snapping at yellowjackets may have paid off in an unexpected way for him. At first it was just noisy breathing (I dubbed him Dog Vader), but then it progressed to sneezing and flying mucus. Fun stuff. Good thing Benadryl works for dogs too.

And to leave you with some fun....you think driving in Manhattan or downtown San Francisco is bad? Check this out.

Some people's children

So last week on my business trip I got stuck in a middle seat towards the back of the plane. Having achieved frequent flyer status for the past 5 years, I've become accustomed to aisle or middle seats in the front of the coach section, exit row seats, and the occasional first class upgrade. I forgot what it was like to rough it in steerage.

After wedging myself and my things into my meager alloted space, I watched a couple with a baby and a toddler seat themselves in the aisle in front of me. This appeared to be the first time they had flown together as a family. The excited toddler was given the window seat and promptly barraged his father with questions.

I steeled myself for a stressful flight, consoled slightly by the fact that I needed to work and wouldn't be able to relax anyway. To my delight, the father pulled out a portable DVD player to keep his young son entertained.

The catch? He allowed the boy to use it without headphones. Everyone in the vicinity was treated to the sounds of Curious George and Blue's Clues throughout the flight.

Given that I was focused on making some sense out of a very poorly written document I was reviewing, I can't say that the noise really bothered me. But I did find it incredibly rude and ironic that this couple decided that the best way to keep their son out of their hair was to disturb all the passengers around them.

It could have been worse, I guess. They could have played Barney.

Wedding Bell Blues

Not blues, actually. Greens.

Going to a wedding in Florida this weekend. This is the dress I'll be wearing. The best part? It has pockets!!!



Would love for someone to pick out some shoes to go with. The wedding itself is on the beach, with the reception afterwards at a beach hotel. I'm thinking black to go with the sash and halter.

Are the wedges I just bought not beachy enough? I'm thinking probably not. If I went with a shoe like that I'd go barefoot at the ceremony and only wear the shoes at the reception.

How I feel

With all I've had on my plate lately, I feel like this kitty.

Thanks to my new fluff link on the right.

Slammed

Sorry kiddos. Work is chaotic. House is chaotic. Leaving for Florida on Thursday. Hope to get to blog before then.

Miss you!

I on Iraq

The ubiquitous clash of the parties happening so visibly lately has really made me start to think about Iraq. Not that I hadn't before - it's always there below the surface, pulsing away like an infected wound that just won't heal. But I'm at the point where I actually want to verbalize.

We shouldn't have started the war in the first place. Certainly not under false intelligence. At the time I didn't agree with what we were doing even if the intelligence was good. If Saddam had intended to use the illusory WMDs against the US, he would have done so before 2003. True, he wasn't following the agreement he'd made with the UN by not submitting to required inspections, and that was a problem that should have been dealt with. But it wasn't a threat that justified a war.

But we went in. We shredded the country to bits. And yes, ding dong, the dictator's dead. We drew in terrorists that want to kill Americans and don't seem to have a problem with taking a few Iraqis along for the ride. I'm convinced that the real reason we're still there is so that Islamic terrorists have some Americans to target without having to set foot on our own soil. Bush will never admit publicly to that, because that's not supporting the troops, and he's not a Democrat.

Now if it were just the American military at risk, I frankly wouldn't have a problem with this. That's not an easy thing to admit to, but it's pragmatic. People who go into the armed service are expected to protect our country, and risking their lives is a clear part of that arrangement. And we are at war with a significant portion of the Islamic world, which was the case well before Dubya was elected. Maybe if the Repubs would have been more concerned about that and less interested in where Clinton was putting his dick, we could have focused on that and saved some lives. Alas, I digress.

But it's not just our troops lives that we're risking here. It's Iraqi people too - policemen and teachers and doctors and mothers and children. And I can't stand behind that.

The spousal unit argues that he doesn't pay his government to be ethical. I understand where he's coming from, but I just can't stomach that position.

So, I say let's get the heck outa Dodge. Honestly, I believe most of the bombings that are so common now will taper off when we're gone. And if they don't, well, we can go back. I think that the Iraqi infrastructure still needs triage and will for some time, but that doesn't have to be handled entirely by the US Military.

Shoes!!!!!

Since I've been homebound and thus unable to justify my crazy shoe-shopping habit of late, I haven't been posting about sweet zapatos . However, my work trip this week meant that I had a good excuse to wrassle up a new pair. This combined with Zappos new free overnight shipping option sent me to heaven.

These are what I picked out. I wore them to the office today, and though they do need just a touch of breaking in, they are mostly comfy and they look divine.


Thanks to Cat and Barb for reminding me that I've been so remiss in the shoe blogging arena.

Made up word of the day

I haven't done this in awhile. Today's word is:

blogtied - the act of employer blocking access to websites such as blogspot, thinking that they can force their employees into actually doing work.

I am blogtied while I'm at my current customer's office. Strangely enough, I do seem to be getting more work done. I can't wait to get home.

Off to Columbo

Columbus actually, but bad investigative TV is much more fun.

Any fellow geeks out there? Check this out.


Which Programming Language are You?


I was SO hoping to be Java. Pout. I don't think I could even identify Prolog if I saw it written, but I do like the description.

Good weekend. Bridal shower. Impromptu BBQ set up by the spousal unit. Fun with kerpupples at the dog park. LOVE the dog park.

Sweet Girly Retro Purple Smirk

I love that none of the songs on this Random 10 were released before 1993 (I'm not counting the Sublime song on here since it's a Marley cover). What a great year. Back when I was unlucky in love but having a great time being so, working like a madwoman getting an engineering degree, and not gunning down any of my fellow students.

Seasons Change - Expose
The Metro - Berlin
I Love You So Much It Hurts - Patsy Cline
Highway Patrolman - Johnny Cash
New Agenda - Janet Jackson
The Gypsy Baron, RV 511 - Einzugsmarsch - Strauss
Scherzo #2 in B Flat Minor - Chopin
The Reflex - Duran Duran
Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses - U2
Trenchtown Rock - Sublime

Lots of blog controversy this week, which leads me to my weekly smirk.

Folks like James and Creepy sneer condescendingly at Christians because they believe in something they have no proof of. [Interesting side note: why just Christians? Why not Jews and Muslims and Hindus and.....]


Personally, I think that this incident proves that there just might be a god, and his name just might be Prince. Another reason for me to worship his Purpleness.

And in case you couldn't tell....I'm a girl. Mostly.

You Are 72% Girly

You're a pretty girly chick, and you're not ashamed to admit it (or wear pink). But you're also practical. You can hang with the guys, as long as they're not too gross!

How Girly Are You?

Gross-out

I am a festering pustule.

Actually, I am two.

I'm feeling better, but now I'm suffering from the delightful consequence that oft comes from me getting sick. Or sunburned. Or stressed. Or a hair crossed the wrong way. That consequence is a fever blister. Yes folks, I am an unfortunate carrier of herpes simplex 1. And I'm having an outbreak.

Not just one. Two.

And one is nestled firmly in the corner of the mouth, the most painful place to get one. Youch. It cracks every time I open my craw.

Ooh, here's a comforting fact I just found about this particular strain:

"In very rare cases HSV- 1 can spread spontaneously to the brain, causing herpes encephalitis, a dangerous infection that can lead to death."

Cool, huh?

And just because I know you're dying for it, here's a peek at my herpetic ulcers.

My new baby

I know what you're thinking. Crazy b!@ch got another freakin' dog.

Ha. If the city I lived in would allow it and the spousal unit wouldn't strangle me, I just might do it. Alas, not to be.

So, allow me to introduce you to my new...
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orchid!


Picked it up 2 weeks ago on special at the grocery store. And I haven't killed it or turned it blue yet. In fact, the buds have been blooming nicely so far.

How's yours doing, Chelene?

And take a look at my purse. Baby needs a brand new bag, wouldn't ya say? Any suggestions? I've been drooling over Netflix for purses, but the spousal unit is wary so I haven't taken the plunge yet.

Misled

I had people yesterday telling me they thougtht I might have strep or bronchitis. I was thinking hantavirus since we'd gone to New Mexico to help the mother-in-law unit with some yardwork over the weekend.

Went to the doctor. Strep? Negatory. Bronchitis? Nope. Flu? Nada.

A measly upper respiratory infection. I was sent on my way with a prescription for cough syrup with codeine and a note to get off work for yesterday and today.

I'm feeling somewhat better today, but not well enough to work.

Anyway, on to the tale of deception.

On my list of upcoming trips I had included a work trip to New York city, during which I'd hoped to meet the luminous Chelene in person. We were told last month that the summer meeting would happen in The Big Apple.

Last week we were polled for weekends we'd be available to make the trip. Once results were in, we were sent an email detailing the dates and location.

It's in Kennebunkport, Maine.

Don't get me wrong - I've heard Maine is beautiful, especially in August. But I seriously doubt there is a Century 21 in K'port. I've the right to be disappointed if you whet my appetite for filet mignon and then serve me lobster instead.

Death warmed over

That's me today. I don't think my chest has ever hurt this much. I'm coughing up Nickelodeon slime.

Trip to Columbus this week - off. Seeing my doctor at 1:30.

Another trip has changed too. I'll write more about that when this elephant gets off my chest.

Random 10 and Weekly Freaky

OK, I know I said I was going to start a series. So this week I'm giving you a picture of something that freaks me out - the hairless cat. It's just wrong for a kitty not to have any fur. I can seriously picture a horror movie where people are being devoured by these beasties.

And now for the music. And yes, I am aware of the missing acentos in my espanol (great, now a missing tilde too), but I tried to follow instructions for typing these characters, and it no worky.

Estoy Aqui - Shakira
Halo - Depeche Mode
Mr. Man (Duet With Jimmy Cozier) - Alicia Keys
Here Comes Santa Claus - Elvis Presley
Passover - Joy Division
The Sleeping Beauty Suite, Op. 66a - Tchaikovsky
Door - Luscious Jackson
Girls - The Beastie Boys
Machine Head - Bush
With A Shout - U2

Post yours here.

Dark days

Though I am relieved that Imus and Rutgers have mercifully shrunk back into oblivion, I'm horrified at what happened to make it so.

Now they are showing the tributes to the people that died at VA Tech. The one about the Holocaust-surviving instructor who died trying to ensure that his students escaped tugs particularly hard at my insides. This takes me back to the days following 9/11. I think I wept for like a month straight.

Lucky for me, I have the spousal unit and the kerpupples to keep me happy and centered.

Are you feeling dark too?

Ending on a less gloomy note, here's a vid of Sasha proving that she's smarter than a blanket, with Roscoe watching nervously off-camera.

Going, going.....where?

Here's a layout of the trips I'll be taking this year so far.

UPDATE:
NEXT WEEK - work trip to either or both of Columbus, OH and Birmingham, AL. I can feel your jealousy seething through the screen.

May - wedding, Sanibel Island, FL. Lovin' the beach time.

July or August - comany meeting, NYC. You bet I'll be looking your ass up Chelene. With any luck the meeting will be scheduled the weekend of the Barney's warehouse sale.

August - wedding, Orange County, CA. This is family, will be good to catch up.

September - possible week's vacation. Our plans to drive the Belgian and French coasts with friends have fallen through. So we're kicking around - Yellowstone and Montana (the spousal unit is a rabid camper), Prague, Spain (not sure where), or Ireland. Thoughts?

A Jetta-son of topics

So I have to thank Sarah again for including me on this most prestigious list of Thinking Bloggers. As such, I must pass on the love myself. I tag the following:

Mur - for wonderful tidbits from down under that I'd never find on my own as a Yank

justacoolcat - for his intriguing Random 10 lists (Steve Jobs also thanks you for my increased rate of iTunes purchases), his non-rabid liberalism, and of course his ninja bunnies

Snay - for his hilarious adventures in pizza delivery

Chelene - for her wry wit, lively yarns of dating, working, eating at restaurants I never get to go to, spirit consumption, and her razor sharp fashion sense

Tanya Espanya - for her tales of kooky relatives and upbeat sense of humor


The rules:

1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think,
2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the origin of this award, and
3. Optional: Proudly display the ‘Thinking Blogger Award’ with a link to the post that you wrote.

Goo Goo G'joob

You Are the Index Finger

You are ambitious, driven, and capable. You aren't afraid to take responsibility for your actions - or place the blame on whoever deserves it. You are honest, free thinking, and objective. You see things in your own way - and you aren't afraid to let everyone know about it. You get along well with: The Thumb Stay away from: The Ring Finger

What Finger Are You?

I am the pointer
They are the lame ones
I am the index

Thanks to Sarah Ashlee for pointing me to this quiz. Though she's a pinky and I doubt she points much. Unlike me. Goo goo g'joob.

Friday's Random 10

You Could Be Mine - Guns N' Roses
Il Mare Calmo Della Sera - Andrea Bocelli
High Hopes - Pink Floyd
Where Did It All Go Wrong - U2
Underneath It All - NIN
El Farol - Carlos Santana
Tomb of the Boom - Outkast
Blue Monday - New Order
Let's Get Retarded - Black Eyed Peas
Breathe - The Prodigy

I'm a busy, busy, busy bee with work. But my mind's eye still glances over you all periodically. Hope you're having a good Friday!

ENOUGH!!!

Will somebody please, please, please get fucking Don Imus and the fucking Rutgers basketball team off my television? Please?

Yesterday morning, the Today Show dedicated the whole first half hour to this drivel. The spousal unit finally changed the channel in disgust.

I hate to say it because I think he's creepy, but I agree with Imus - he's apologized enough.

I'm wondering why anybody is so surprised that this happened. WHAT? A shock jock made a nasty comment about someone? Blast! And how about all the rappers and comedians who say the same thing? Why is it sometimes OK? Wouldn't it be more effective for the black community to police themselves (I feel similarly about the Muslim Middle East and terrorists, BTW)?

I'm of the opinion that the team members, and most certainly the coach, are hamming it up immensely. They keep saying it's especially hurtful because he doesn't know us personally. So you're saying this would be nicer or more appropriate coming from your boyfriend, or your teacher, or your boss? Get a thicker skin, ladies. There's many worse things that could happen to you. Life is not all lollipops and hugs and butterflies and somewhere deep inside I think you know that this man bore you no ill will. He's just trying to get paid by spewing the nonsense his listeners want to hear.

And it is nonsense. I've seen interviews. There's not a nappy haired young woman in the bunch. Can't speak to Imus' other characterization, but I doubt he'd be privy to that information either.

Some years ago, Howard Stern got yanked off the air in Denver because he made comments that were offensive to surviving Columbine family members. There was no big to-do, no massive media coverage. His advertisers yanked their money and one day he was just gone. Why can't that happen now?

If it's written, it must be

Trying out a new category here, kids. Lemme know if I'm biting off more than I can chew.

The category is - things that either freak me out or make me smirk. I'll kick the series off with the latter variety.

Today's smirk - Wikipedia.

Specifically, a quote from the glorious Michael Scott in last week's episode of The Office:

"Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information."

Don't get me wrong - I'm certainly not bashing the place. I love it and visit it nearly daily. But due to its nature, you certainly have to carefully scrutinize what you read there.

Just like pretty much the rest of the Internet.

Dogorama

So my mom came into town yesterday for Easter, and we went to the most delicious brunch. My favorite foods were the crab claws, the curried shrimp bisque, and the key lime pie.

She also came into town with the intent of adopting a dog as a friend for Dogster, her little Corgi cross. She lives in a small town, and there are many more dogs for her to choose from in the shelters here.

Today while I worked, I sent her to the same shelter where Ripley got locked up for 3 days when she got picked up by the po' pos. She came home and asked for my help in choosing between 2 dogs - a Shih Tzu and a Corgi/Border Collie cross. There was no question in my mind - it was the Corgi all the way. My mom was able to bring her home immediately, and we christened her Daisy.

We got her homee, and she's just the sweetest girl. Daisy even tolerated Sasha's advances, and gave her a good play. So until tomorrow morning, there are five, count 'em Ripley Roscoe Sasha Dogster Daisy, yes FIVE dogs in my house.

I hope they drive the neighbors nuts. ;)

Rest in peace, friend

So about the friend...his family took him off life support on Tuesday.

He was leaving his apartment complex, hit 2 parked cars, and went through his windshield. His blood alcohol level was .09. The guy rarely drank, so this suprised us. He wasn't wearing his seatbelt.

Dammit Rick - why couldn't you put your seatbelt on?!?!?!?!?

We're headed to his memorial service at noon. His brother asked people to bring pictures of him to share, so we're taking this one.




Rest in peace, Rick. I hope you've found a bunch of fellow amusingly Francophobic, kind-hearted techno geeks to laugh your fabulous laugh with. You deserve it.

The nail in the coffin

So the spousal unit and I have been considering a change of residence. We love, love, love our house....BUT: we picked a lot that is too small and we're not crazy about the surrounding neighborhood. Plus the spousal unit's commute to where he's been working of late is horrendous, and since I am no longer constrained by commutes, he gets priority in that arena.

And yesterday, we got a "courtesy warning" from our homeowner's association that we need to curtail our dog's barking habit. That was the last bit of persuasion we needed. We've decided to pack our bags and move house.

You see...our dogs don't bark unless there's something to bark at. Our neighbor behind us has dogs that bark incessantly, and so when they come out and run along the fence, Roscoe will run with them and occasionally let out a bark. But...that's it. They bark at strangers and the doorbell. They howl at sirens. All considered reasonable and in fact desirable (well, maybe not the howling) traits in a dog.

Our bylaws state that an animal on a homeowner's property cannot make "in the reasonabble opinion of the Executive Board, an unreasonable amount of noise". Pretty subjective, eh?

Man, I hate homeowner's associations. Bunch of busybodies need to get their own freakin' lives.

So....we're bailing. We've started searching for reasonable neighborhoods to inhabit. We're thinking either fashionable city digs or a foothills cabin. Enough of these annoying suburban codes. Soon we'll be calling our realtor to get this place on the market.

That's my bitch, bitch

A punch in the gut

We just found out that a friend of the spousal unit's was in a bad car accident over the weekend. He sustained severe head injuries, is in a coma, and may need to be taken off life support.

This hit hard and sudden. We hadn't seen him in some time, but he's a great guy. Friendly, giving - used to housesit for the kerpupples when we'd go on trips. He'd spent some time with the spousal unit recently when he and I were having some trouble.

And then we found this blog post of his. Wow. If only he'd reached out to us back then.


We're trying to find out what hospital he's at. Having been with my grandmother during her last days on life support, I believe that the dying person knows you're there, and that it can make a big difference.

Doggy doins

The good news - Sasha is feeling 1000% better.

The bad news - Sasha is feeling 1000% better. Now the pack dominance dance has begun. Neither Ripley nor Roscoe likes the way Sasha plays, wooing at them and pawing at their backs. Yesterday Roscoe bit Sasha, and she ran off howling and crying. Ripley snarls at Sasha whenever she comes near.

We're trying to intervene appropriately but minimally, as they have to work things out among themselves if the pecking order is to be accepted. However, we've decided that if our 2 other dogs don't accept her into the pack, we'll have to find another home for sweet Sasha. She needs a pack with at least one other dog to play with, and the way the pack stands now I don't think anyone is happy. Plus, there will be times where we'll be away at work all day if I have to travel, and I don't think Sasha will be safe either from our two dogs or from her urge to get out of the yard and roam. I think if she were unhappy enough, she'd jump the fence.

We'll see. Roscoe is slightly less hostile and seems to realize that she just wants to play.

Oh, and did I mention that she appeared from nowhere and ran past me out our side gate yesterday afternoon?

It would have been quite a sight to observe me chasing her. I dropped the bag of yard rakings and bolted after her in my flip flops, calling her name frantically. Sasha daintily crossed the stream in the field across from our house, and I got my shoes stuck in the mud attempting to follow. I caught up with her but she eluded my grasp. Shoeless, I pursued until my feet would no longer allow it. I went back to retrieve my flip flops and lit out in the direction she'd fled. Luckily she hadn't gone far, but unluckily seem to take great pleasure in being chased. Not to be stymied, I decided to switch tactics. I crouched down and called her name in a voice as devoid of emotion as I could muster. Lured into my trap, she walked back to me and I snatched her collar.

Unfortunately, at this point we were not overly close to the house. So I had to duck walk her back home, holding onto her collar as we walked. My glutes, hamstrings, and lower back were not amused.