An open letter to sloppy bastards

I attended the second wedding of the summer over the weekend and have noticed an extremely disturbing trend regarding the casualization of male attire. This seems to be especially the case the further west you are of the Mississipi. In my years of business travel, I've long noticed that Eastern workplaces are still more formal than those out West. Generally I'm OK with that, but it really ruffles my feathers to see it appplied to occassions such as nuptials that will always call for a sense of decorum.

I've put together a list of my complaints. Gents, if this applies to you, hear me and hear me well!

• Shorts are NEVER, EVER, EVER appropriate for a wedding. But it's on the beach, you cry! Find a comfy pair of linen slacks, I retort.


• Wearing a $100-plus silk leisure shirt does not make up for the fact that you are wearing shorts to a wedding.


• Leather flip-flops do NOT count as dress shoes.


• You are entirely defeating the point of wearing a neatly pressed long-sleeved button down shirt if you refuse to tuck it in. Better to go with the silk leisure shirt if bunching at your waist concerns you.


• Crocs are only appropriate for the garden if you are over the age of 10.

This last wedding also saw a blatant female offender who was attired in a snow-white dress, the ultimate show of disrespect to the bride. She'd just had a baby and may not have had any other dresses that fit, but how hard is it to borrow a colorful belt or a shawl? Humph.